CBB

I am hovering around that 3 year mark. Lots of changes have taken place. I moved, not by choice, is any of this by choice? No. I buried a child a year and a half ago. To say I've been dealt a shitty hand, that's an understatement. Haven't we all? I seem to just keep spiralng downward. I got pneumonia in March , almost died, turned sepsis. 60 pounds lost. I still haven't bounced back, only to have a few weeks later, another surgery. Upper GI. Tumor removed from esophagus which was why I couldn't keep anything down, and I mean nothing. But, as if it couldn't get worse, said doctor went to balloon open my esophagus and ripped a 6 inch tear. Leading to 6 stents. Still recouping and tired of clear fluids. Some days I just feel jinxed all to hell. I doubt I will ever be able to say or think any of this crappie world has an ounce of good left for me. Apparently I used up my quota.

SO happy for you Icoxwell (Leslie). I understand that sometimes we venture away from here. I am guilty of it too for the last six months or so. I just needed to go more within myself to deal with my sons death. I am so glad to hear that things are going well and you are happy. That is what counts in the end! We are all here for you anytime you want to pop in and say hey! ((hugs)) Cyndi

Mikeeh, It's not you! I too, would take offense.. I am surprised I haven't had to purchase new TV's for all of the rooms in my house. I want to throw a damn brick thru the television every time I hear that damn Cancer treatment Center of America commercial! It's been 2 nd a half years now and it still urks the crap out of me! ((hugs) Cyndi

Right on Wheelers wife! I am feeling the same way as you are. I have been to hell and back after losing my husband and then my son a year ago to suicide. I keep moving forward and pressing on. This can't be the end! We must keep moving forward and embrace life as best we can for now. I am so happy to hear this news. Your an awesome Lady! Please keep us informed. ((Hugs))Cyndi

Hey Photo, Yep put her in the acquaintances category , she wont know a ting, and you don't have to listen to her drone on! Cyndi

This so resonated with me. I was proposed to at the airport! I was returning from a visit to my hometown and my fianc? picked me up at the airport, down on one knee, right in the middle of the airport. I may never be able to go there again. Sending you huge (((hugs))).

I am trying to decide that very thing as well Sugarbell. I feel like I am at a huge crossroads and don't really know which way to go first. Should I or shouldn't I?? I don't really have a clue which way I am headed.

I have not been posting as much lately. I really felt like my world totally fell apart after my sons suicide. I felt like I didn't belong anywhere. Still feel that way. My life took a real nose dive last October and I haven't rebounded a bit. I feel like a Leper. Nobody in my RW speaks to me about it. Like it never happened. All my late husbands family bailed early on. Complicated grief? Ya think? Can't afford counseling. Besides, what are they going to do to make it better? Bring them back? We all know the answer to that. Life has body slammed me face down in the dirt and then stomped on me for good measure. But the one good revelation is I no longer fear death! Most days it would be a godsend. It's been all I can do to get out of bed each morning and then I'm pissed off that I can. So my head space probably isn't the best for encouraging the masses. Better I just lay low, if you know what I mean.

So well written and heart felt Hunter. I passed my 2 year Mark in May. I haven't found my next Chapter yet but I know I will always carry My husband with me as I journey forward just as you will with your sweet Jenny. Sending you many hugs. Cyndi

ALL the time..with just about everything I do. It is funny how I never did this before he died. Strange indeed!

TK I am so very sorry to hear this. I really know how it feels to have the rug pulled out from under you again in such a short time. Sending you a ton of hugs. Cyndi

Ditto here!

Rooshy, I think it is totally normal to feel this anger. Why wouldn't we? Our worlds changed in an instant and we are left to do this alone. We loved deeply and we mourn just as deep..I get angry too..At life, at circumstances and at him as well. I know it isn't his fault but I have to yell at someone or something to get it off my chest! I am a little over 2 years out. I don't see this changing anytime soon Sending you a huge hug! It's okay! We all get it . Cyndi

I to was in the doctors office and called back to the room where the oncologist was with my hubby. I still can remember the numbness in my hands and my throat closing up as he told us the terrible news. Hubby said "I am going to beat this doc!" but I just knew from the doctors facial expressions, this wasn't good. Stage 4 colon cancer with metastasis to liver and bone. He never had a chance. I hate my brain for remembering such awful details.. So I am trying desperately to remember the good ones he left me. Hugs everyone.. CANCER SUCKS BALLS! Cyndi

Hugs TooSoon, I think you handled it brilliantly. Not crazy at all to me. Perfect! Cyndi