Sugarbell Posted August 28, 2015 Share Posted August 28, 2015 If I survive his teen years....it will be an accomplishment.... I think someone took my sweet boy and replaced with the demon child. Hormones ranging....swinging moods quicker than any teen girl I think. Argues over everything with be. Everything. He's always been my higher maintenance kid (first born, leader, very bright, bossy)...Bur holy hell....he gives me a migraine almost daily. He's now 5'10 he's only 12...looks like he's 16 or 17...Grades and all that stuff are good...no trouble at school. He's just a complete ass to me and his siblings. Like foul language asshole. It's a battle every morning with him. It's wearing on me already. My other 2 kids are still sweet. And they both stay outta his way and ignore him when he behaves this way. Suggestions? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Trying Posted August 28, 2015 Share Posted August 28, 2015 The best thing I can tell you is that the moodiness passes quicker with boys than girls. I found 7th-9th grade was the worst. Obviously not including what my oldest went through 17-18 when his dad died. It's a balance of letting them spread there wings while reminding them that you are the adult in charge. Resisting the urge to smack them takes incredible strength some times! My youngest is going into 6th grade and is so sweet and great. I have told him that I can't take him turning into a moody, bratty middle schooler like his brothers were. He remembers those days and swears it won't happen to him, lol. He held my hand and hugged me in a store yesterday, I'm savoring this time while it lasts! The switch could turn any day. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
trying2breathe Posted August 28, 2015 Share Posted August 28, 2015 SB Ugh, the moody bratty middle school stage - I agree also that it's easier dealing with boys than girls at this age. : As hard as it is, maybe take the cue from your other kids, give him some space and stay out of his way. If it's especially bad, take away some privileges. This too shall pass ...... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
widowat33 Posted August 28, 2015 Share Posted August 28, 2015 My oldest is also going into seventh grade. He's always been my moodier kid. More sensitive and more prone to hold a grudge. Puberty, hormones all that fun stuff. Being the oldest and losing their father tends to make them feel as though they are the man of the house, at least mine does, every so often I have to remind him that I am the adult not him. Mine is more prone to fight with his brother rather than me, and my youngest is always up for a fight! I wish he would just give him space like yours do. It is a hard stage in life for them, they aren't kids but they aren't grown ups either, kind of in that in between stage. That doesn't give them excuses to be assholes either, but a little space and understanding can help. 5'10? Holy crap, he's a tall boy! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guaruj Posted August 28, 2015 Share Posted August 28, 2015 I'm not a parent myself, but I was a teenage boy once upon a time. I found 7th-9th grade was the worst. I pretty much agree, although I remember 6th, 7th and 8th grades being the worst years of my life. I still feel that way even after 8 years of Catherine in cancer treatment and 1 year of widowhood. 9th grade was a big improvement over the previous three years. He's now 5'10 he's only 12...looks like he's 16 or 17...Grades and all that stuff are good...no trouble at school. [ ... ] Suggestions? How about basketball? It sounds like he needs a good physical outlet. He'll probably be less difficult if he comes home tired from after-school sports practices. |+| M a r k |+| Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sugarbell Posted August 28, 2015 Author Share Posted August 28, 2015 He's in sports....golf right now...basketball in the winter....baseball in spring. My life revolves around all there activities....But my oldest has always demanded more attention...from the beginning of widda hood. It started mid 6th grade....has gotten worse....5'10...160lbs...muscles....he's grown a lot in a short period of time and I think it's made him totally hormonally imbalanced. He's a total ass to me and his brother....argues over everything. Yells at his sister...but not as bad. To everyone else I THINK he's still nice. No school problems. But drops the F bomb like it's nothing. He doesn't have an IPhone ...not into electronics...does yard work and does help. But acts like a grumpy old man. He thinks he's an adult. That's somewhat my fault...somewhat genetics. He criticizes everything I do....corrects everything....observes everything....Is very bright (his IQ is 20 pts higher than mine)...But he will never know. My other 2 kids have always been normal average kids...really a joy to parent. He is just angry all the time now. And feels entitled because all his friends are spoiled and have everything they want. I am not enjoying parenting him right now. At all. I spend 75 percent of my time dealing with him and my other 2 get about 25 percent of my time. This ain't for the weak that's for sure. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RobFTC Posted August 28, 2015 Share Posted August 28, 2015 Sigh, the child that knows all and is sure they know better about everything; that t-shirt fits! I have had some success with some things with my trying child; it's at least improved the noise and stress level here, and made it so I knew I would be able to stand being with her for vacation. You may do all of these already. - I can't really control what she does, only influence. But I can control me. - If I am telling her something and she interrupts, I usually just say I will tell her later. It helps make her want to hear. - I try not to talk with her when she is upset; just no point. I circle back when she's calm. - I try not to talk with her when I am upset; I just make it worse. I plan devious consequences instead :-) - A request will not meet with success if I don't like the tone in which is is delivered. - I choose to fight fewer battles, but find a way to win the ones I pick. - When she is willing to talk to me in a positive way, I listen like mad, trying to care as much about the content as I do about her, unless it's Pokemon, that ship has sailed! :-) Take care, Rob T Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Portside Posted August 29, 2015 Share Posted August 29, 2015 He's just a complete ass to me and his siblings. Like foul language asshole. Ummmmm. . . . . Sugarbell dear, I think I may have identified from where part of his blue language issue stems. ;D Good luck - the teens years are no picnic. Mike Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sugarbell Posted August 29, 2015 Author Share Posted August 29, 2015 Those are really good suggestions....I need to walk away and not engage. It's so hard cause he will wake up or come in and start demanding/yelling....He's just angry. Grades and behavior at school are good...no problems with friends....But takes it out on us. He leaves for school 20 minutes before my other 2....and I breathe a sigh of relief...20 minutes of oeace with his siblings. The language is really pushing me over the edge-I mean he has a sister in 2nd grade who does not need to hear the F bomb constantly. I don't know how to punish--he does chores...he isn't I to Playstation or has a phone...really it's just sports and homework every night...he doesn't drive....I do send him to his room and tell him to cool off......And I have a tendency to bite back...then we go at it which isn't good ...Criticizes my driving....Just very annoyed... But he can still be sweet and good.... He's just all over the place with his moods. He's always been a demanding child--when his Dad was alive he bossed his Dad around too. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sugarbell Posted August 29, 2015 Author Share Posted August 29, 2015 Believe it or not Mike-I don't cuss in front of my kids.... ...In fact IRL...I am kinda a sweet southern gal and we don't cuss much. You guys hear it on here because I CAN. Seriously anyone whose friends with me on FB...I am pretty much the "I love kids and nature" type of person. Y'all can handle my gritty side. I keep it at bay IRL and definitely around my kiddos. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Virgo Posted August 29, 2015 Share Posted August 29, 2015 I wish I had a dollar for every time I told my oldest (16) "this is not a debate." I keep telling her she should be a lawyer. I agree with Rob. Avoid confrontation until he is calm. I have even told my daughter to go to her room until she's calm and ready to talk. Talking when she's upset like that is pointless. We both just end up frustrated and angry. Redirection sometimes helps too. I have used that method since she was a toddler. When she was on the floor throwing a fit I would ask her a random question. I will say as she's getting older it's getting a lot better. Hormones start to level out, and they learn how to control their temper. It's ironic that the traits we struggle with raising strong willed children will be the same traits that make them successful adults. She's tenacious, independent, and passionate. I'm proud of her. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sugarbell Posted August 29, 2015 Author Share Posted August 29, 2015 Yes...walking away... I know his hormones are crazy-he's grown 5 inches in one year...wears a size 12 shoe...almost anyone who meets him assumes he's 16. --But with golf....he's starting to act like "Happy Gilmore" with his mood swings. It's exhausting. My younger two kids do have more of their Dads personality--(quiet...calm)...My oldest is me. I think that's why we butt heads ...and I think the reason the language is setting me over the edge...even though I was a strong willed kid...I would have never dropped the F bomb in front of my parents. Hell I don't think I have ever said it in front of then and I am 44. Just feel like he has no respect for any of us in this house...Including the cats. lol (they run from him too) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mmg19 Posted August 29, 2015 Share Posted August 29, 2015 Wow! I have two sons (12 and 14) and it is not easy. But then raising kids alone is not easy. We just work twice as hard. Only suggestions are 1. Unconditional love 2. Communicate 3. Consistency. It will be OK. You will all make it and this too shall pass. ((Hugs)) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RobFTC Posted August 30, 2015 Share Posted August 30, 2015 Sugarbell, a couple of Qs. What is he angry about, anyway? (Don't say if you shouldn't, just curious.) Does he need your help for rides to anywhere (could be leverage)? Can the car be pulled over to the side of the road for a bit when driving is criticized? :-) Take care, Rob T Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
calimom Posted August 30, 2015 Share Posted August 30, 2015 My rule is this: I will not be disrespected in my own home, nor do I not tolerate disrespect to others in my own home. It's that simple and that complicated. If anyone's having such a tough time they need to take it out on others, there are channels to take, like hashing it out at the dinner table or if need be, therapy. Sometimes saging can only go so far Teens can be tough; I have a newly turned 13 year old myself and this is not my first trip to the rodeo. Like others here have said, taking privileges away for inappropriate behavior is a worthwhile response. It goes a looooong way. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sugarbell Posted August 30, 2015 Author Share Posted August 30, 2015 Thanks guys...All good points. I think he's angry about everything and nothing. I do think he's angry becaUse in the past--he's enjoyed fixing/doing things (home repair. Lawn work, etc)...Now he doesn't (well he likes lawn work still on the riding mower but resents now fixing things around the house (which honestly he used to think if was so cool that he could fix the lawn mower, refrigerAtor, etc)...Now it's "I am just 12...None of my friends have to do this stuff"... So I have backed off except the lawn-he likes it and has customers. He started high school-And they do not keep 7/8th grade separate--he's thrown in there with Seniors--and sees everything.... So it's middle school age-But thrown in with upperclassman. But I think at school things are fine. His golf coach Saturday said "Hey D is 7th grade Vice President. He gave a speech at school and had signs and everything. -Speech in front of 7th grade. He did not tell me any of this-I didn't even know he was running...I said "Wow I am proud of you...great way to take imitative this year. Why didn't you tell me" His response "Oh I forgot all about it..it's no big deal" Also I am picking up he really misses his Dad this year....With golf...starting high school...I He has referenced his Dad several times-which is something he really hasn't done much in years. And yea therapy is the next step if he doesn't get things under control...We aren't there yet but I am not ruling it out. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
rifatheroffour Posted September 1, 2015 Share Posted September 1, 2015 I've had to make therapy for my oldest mandatory when he was taking all his anger out on us. It has helped and now he even schedules his own appointments when he needs to vent or work something out. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sugarbell Posted September 10, 2015 Author Share Posted September 10, 2015 It's slowly improving.... Over the weekend I took the kids to mts. All 4 of us. No NG...no one else just us. He didn't want to go and bitched and moaned but actually had a good time and bonded with his siblings. My brother and I went to his golf match yesterday and my brother is actually on the same page now as me with my son (trust me this is a miracle in itself my brother is unmedicated bipolar and I never know what I am going to get)...My son was more relaxed and golfed amazing. He felt good about himself was kind this morning to all of us. It's still a day by day thing....but at least I feel he's getting steered back in the right direction. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bear Tomás Posted September 12, 2015 Share Posted September 12, 2015 It gets worst. : Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Recommended Posts
Create an account or sign in to comment
You need to be a member in order to leave a comment
Create an account
Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!
Register a new accountSign in
Already have an account? Sign in here.
Sign In Now