Ughhhhh! day and intro.

[Missing AC]

Hi Everyone,

 

I am a little over 2 months into this dark, dark journey and it really feels like the most horrific experience anyone can go through.  I never knew we could feel such agonizing pain and still live through it, albeit hanging by a string. My wonderful hubby died unexpectedly at the young age of 43 on November 29th last year, one day before my mom's birthday, unfortunately for my mom I will be a mess every year around her birthday.  We have an almost 13 year old son whom I am very thankful for, without him there would be no reason to get up everyday. 

 

Today I had a REALLY bad day (feeling better now). I couldn't keep it together this morning at work, the water works hit pretty hard, the pain kicked in and the feeling of hopelessness sank in - I miss my hubby so, so much!! I had to tell my boss I was going to keep the door to my office shut because I was not doing well emotionally.  It hadn't been this bad since the first month, but I guess those are the waves I will be riding for some time.  It doesn't help that the rain here in California has been non-stop, it only depresses me that much more.  And, to add to my already bad day, I found the large canopy that covered my hubby's sports car had been flipped over by the winds. Yeah, no way I could handle that one by myself and son was not home to help.  Thankfully, we have some good friends that live near by that came to help me.

 

I have been a silent observer for over a month now and I have to say I am so thankful for this site.  It truly has helped to know I am not alone in this experience.  Well, thanks for listening, or should I say reading. 

 

[bdean38]

Hi Missing AC. So so sorry for your loss.  Know that you are not alone!

We're all here for the same shitty reason.

Prayers to you and your son.

[LeahRoot84]

Hugs to you! So sorry you are here. You are never alone though. Xx

[Julester3]

I am sorry you have to join us here. I totally get not having an emotionally good day at work. I have closed my office door too when I need the privacy. I am just happy I have a door. Some offices just have a doorway with no door. Have to look for the silver lining in the situation somewhere! Also I understand the icky weather affecting you. I have that problem as well. Hugs for you today!

[MR]

Hi Missing Ac,

Very sorry for your loss. When someone joins here it is unfortunate for all of us. This site is great and when ever you feel low come here and take it out with a new post and trust me with all replies you will start feeling better.

 

Hugs

Manoj

[Laura1612]

Hi Missing,

 

I'm so sorry you have to be here. We have a similar situation. My husband died at 43 on Nov. 3 of last year ... right ON my mom's birthday. Ugh.

 

So I'm barely a month ahead of you in this sucky situation. I'm hanging in there and actually doing OK sometimes. I'm finally having a party for him (it's a party, not a funeral or celebration of life) this weekend. Lots of family and friends coming from out of town. This will mark a turning point for me. Even after three months, my friends have picked up the load and are doing all the party planning for me.

 

There's so much I'm learning how to do as well. I made the money, he handled the stuff around the house. Now I have to learn to fix that stuff. It's not that I can't do it, it's that I don't WANT to do it. But oh well. I either die or move forward.

 

Hugs to you.

Laura

[JP]

J died on November 28th, we are a day apart. We put my beloved dog down on November 26th so I haven't really been able to grieve him. We had no children, my dog was my baby. I know exactly how you feel, some days I think I might make it and others I would welcome the semi head on.

Hugs,

 

Jess

[Missing AC]

Thank you all for the hugs.  I don't know whats wrong with me these last few days.  This morning was rough as well emotionally as well physically as the intense chest pains hit me. All I could do was go back to bed and let myself feel the pain as I drifted in an out of sleep- made myself finally get up at 1pm!

 

Many hugs to you all!  I have not been able to find a specific support group for young widows in my area, which makes me feel alone, but thanks to this site, I know I am not.

[Ursula]

MissingAC, I am sorry you had to find us. Those shitty days come and go. Forcibly we kind of get used to them and the pain does round offf at the edges with time. I am soon 3 years out and get these moments, unpredictably. Be kind to yourself, we are allowed to grieve, it means we love and it has to get out, otherwise it eats us up from inside. hugs to you we are here.

[beth_krkswidow]

So sorry for your loss,  so sorry you had to join us here.  No words of wisdom,  just wanted to send you a hug.  Beth