bdean38

This sounds very interesting! LOL! I need to check this out!

Beautifully written and great attitude!

Momof2obs, I think all of those feelings and questions are completely normal. I know I've thought them as well and I'd say I'm strong in my faith. I also know we live in a broken world where evil, sickness, and death have been around since the beginning. None of this is new. It just feels new when it hits us and shatters our heart and our lives. As much as I love and enjoy life, if I were sick, suffering, and struggling to live everyday, I would have no problem telling the good Lord to come and take me from this hell on earth... to be in a much better place than this. But that's just me

Welcome Mona, So sorry about your husband! It sucks. Be thankful and thank your wonderful friend who is doing a great job helping you. It is odd and weird when we have friends that kind of disappear from our life. I don't fully understand it, maybe they can't deal with it. There's people in my life that have "disappeared" that I'm no longer in contact with. But there are also new people that arise. As MR suggested, support groups and forums can be good and helpful. You're not alone Mona. Bobby

I love the Song's that bring a tear thread but what are some songs that bring you up? Here's a couple of mine. The Score - Unstoppable Kid Ink - Hell and Back

Wow, that's beautiful!

I like this one a lot. Never Forget You - John Legend/Lupe Fiasco

Yes! agree with this one! Love this song (but wish I didn't have to).

haha! this is hilarious!!

Hi Missing AC. So so sorry for your loss. Know that you are not alone! We're all here for the same shitty reason. Prayers to you and your son.

Awesome! I'm in East Valley. Anyone else up for a spring meet??

Maybe Mrskro can share one of her beers with ya!

There's nothing wrong with drinking a beer at anytime! Especially while you work at home Maybe they just don't know what to say...and I agree annoying! There's times when I just want to tell people to STFU just 'cuz. LOL! You don't need to explain it to them as they probably wouldn't understand if you did anyway 'cuz they just don't get it! Drink one for me!

I'd let him know. As someone mentioned, teachers/coaches like to have an idea of home life. My late wife was a teacher and would appreciate when parents gave her an idea of what was going on at home.

Wow! That's beautiful. I need to read this book!

Digging this one up from the bottom of the crate! Anyone in the PHX area interested in meeting up sometime this spring?? -Bobby

Absolutely! Be confident in yourself! If you're beautiful inside and out then a real man will see that. But yes proceed with caution as some up above have mentioned.

So sorry for your loss Amber! My wife of 11 years (32 years old) passed away last spring. I think it is fantastic that you are writing this blog! People have encouraged me to do the same....I have yet to make it public though (not sure why). I love the feeling when I write, it's like it empties my brain and makes room for more thoughts, thoughts of memories, thoughts of encouragement to those going through similar situations. It's therapeutic for me. I used to see a counselor and it wasn't necessarily things that she said that made me feel better but rather the act of me "airing" my thoughts out. I feel writing is similar (at least for me anyway) A lot of people (who haven't lost a spouse) also don't understand what it's like...so I think this type of blog is great for the world to see. Good job!! Looking forward to reading your blog as you write them!! At your age (and mine, I'm 35) don't rush anything. Take care of yourself. When you're ready for things you'll know. Remember, you're not the only one at your age dealing with this (I had those thoughts early on).

Arizona!

I agree, give him the benefit of the doubt. Hang out with him, get to know him. It's too hard to assume anything without any reasoning behind it.

Keep it up jman! and good job raising and taking care of your little ones! I only have one 4-year old and she's enough for me! haha! Seriously though, definitely take the help from the ones you trust and won't put you down in the process...that's horrible... they don't know what it's like being in your shoes (I know very frustrating). Try and schedule sometime for yourself. Perhaps take someone up on an offer to watch your kids while you're able to go do something for you (e.g., movies, fishing, hiking, etc).... just to get some you time, something you enjoy doing. You deserve it. I love when I get "me" time. It's refreshing and helps me recharge my batteries.

Thank you ALL so much for listening and posting! My first day (well, it was just a half day) back at work wasn't as bad as I thought it might be. I was very anxious driving into work but everyone was so kind and respectful. Day 1 down! I think having my daughter definitely helps. She keeps me smiling and makes me get out and do stuff...at the same time I'm trying to be conscience and I make sure that I have alone time as well. We'll see how it goes moving forward. Mizpah: yes, you hit the nail on the head. When I go to the gym, it's the best I feel in any given day. I'm confident, I feel like, "yes, I got this...everything will be ok". I love that feeling. I also think, how can I be more like her today. She had so many awesome qualities that I want to incorporate into my life moving forward.

It will be one month this Tuesday when my wife of 11 years very suddenly passed away. She was my everything. We have a wonderful 4 year old daughter together. I never thought I could feel so lonely. I’m a very positive and faith-driven person. I know somehow, someway this will all work out in the end but it just sucks. I miss everything about her especially her presence. I look back and have no idea how a month has passed by. I don’t know what I’ve done this past month. I’ve been off of work this month. I’ve taken care of my daughter, gone to the gym, and that’s all I know. Everything else is a blur. I’m trying to work my way through this as healthy as possible…for myself and for my daughter. And because my wife being the shining light that she was, would want that too. I return to work tomorrow, not sure how I feel about that. My grief counselour asked me what I fear with returning to work. I guess my answer is that it’s almost like life is officially moving again or something, like back to reality..sort of. Not sure other than that at the moment. I feel like a zombie going through life. It’s weird and nobody I know understands. Sometimes I wish time would speed up and I’d feel better and other times I don’t want the next day to come because I get farther away in time from the last time I was with her. It’s strange. But I am thankful I found this place with others that have gone through this crappy situation.