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Eddienhp

7 years; so short yet so long

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It’s coming in a few days. 7 years. It doesn’t seem real. It seems like a lifetime ago yet seems like it happened 2 years ago. The grief is different. No more crippling, deep grief. No more replaying the last two weeks of his life. It’s more sadness like a sigh. I can function but I notice I am not as able to concentrate to my best level. It’s more like a slight fatigue. Somehow  my mind never thought about the anniversary numbers getting bigger. That stands out. The numbers will get larger and larger. I have to realize that and accept it. That seems so simple yet it is not. My kids are alive longer without their father than they were with him. The world has moved on but we carry the grief everyday. We live it. We face it. It will always be part of us. Someone very important is no longer here. It can’t be avoided or erased. That is a fact we will live with all of our lives. 

 

I have not dated. I am too busy raising two kids under 12, working, managing a household. I recently tried to venture into online dating only to realize I don’t have time nor the energy. I have a child with special needs so my ability to get out depends on a support worker showing up and their work hours. It’s ok. I am at peace with it. The time alone has made me learn a lot about myself. I have emerged from this stronger. 

 

I am very thankful I can express this here amongst people who understand. 

 

Eileen

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Thank you for sharing your thoughts.  I am right behind you .  7 yrs. in Jan.  It is incredulous at times to think I lived without my LH for 7 yrs., when he was there for 28.  HOW have I done it?  7 yrs.  It is hard to wrap my brain around.  I, like you, don't have crippling grief anymore, but sadness. Tears at unexpected times, especially around my son not having his great loving dad in his life.  I did decide to date, and it is so complex.  My simple life is gone. I understand. 

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Yes thank you for sharing - and very beautifully written...its amazing what we can all do after such a loss. I understand about trying to date with young kids. I've been trying but its been a real struggle and sometimes I really wonder if it would be best for me to stay single. Ill hit 7 years next year - and having met up with recent widows (my friend was recently widowed) I feel fortunate I am well past heart wrenching first few months and years. Not sure if anyone else feels this way but I still do have these odd moments - where I feel life is very surreal (e.g. I cant believe my son lost his Dad and I feel in a slight daze) and I wonder about my sanity sometimes as I get so emotional (angry and/or sad) and I close myself off from others. I try not to let being a widow define me but it sure has changed me in a lot of ways.

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Seven years past in February here and everything you say about sadness and tears resonates. Went to see Bohemian Rhapsody at the weekend and cried through so much of it, would have cried anyway about poor Freddie, but we all know at times like that for us it is more, like the floodgates open. I'm doing it now as I type. I have a good man again but he has not got the best of me, I feel sometimes. Just worn out with being widowed. Eddie - ' I can function but I notice I am not as able to concentrate to my best level. It’s more like a slight fatigue.' is so true.

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On 11/3/2018 at 6:23 AM, Eddienhp said:

The world has moved on but we carry the grief everyday. We live it. We face it. It will always be part of us. Someone very important is no longer here. It can’t be avoided or erased. That is a fact we will live with all of our lives. 

This really resonated... you put in words exactly how I feel.

 

On 11/3/2018 at 6:23 AM, Eddienhp said:

I am very thankful I can express this here amongst people who understand. 

 

Eileen

{{{Hugs}}} to you, Eileen.

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