calimom

Dear D: Like a few others, I thought this was you while reading your post and so glad it was. Your kindness and thoughtfulness helped me a great deal during a particularly rough time early on. I hope life is treating you gently these days? xoxo

Great thread, Fleur, very thought provoking, and I'm glad you posted it. And for the record, I've always found value in your thoughts and feedback. At 7 years and change, I wondered when ywbb closed, if I would join the new board. Do I still need it? Have I moved forward? Well, yes and yes, and there is so much history connected by people I've "known" there, some I've met IRL, most not. While the closure was abrupt to say the least, I can't really bring myself to trash the founders for their decision. With the notifications by members here getting the word out, and optimized search engines, vintage and fresh widows should be able to find their way here - or to one of the other options available. For isn't that what we're all here for? Support? I joined ywbb at around 4 months out, needing SOMETHING that I wasn't able to tap into elsewhere. I had the classic young widow experience of checking out a support group at a community center to find it peopled with women my mother's and grandmother's ages. I gave it all of one meeting thinking it was not for me, and ran into the group leader some months later. She reported the were concerned about me - I probably should have given it more of a chance, though my needs and experiences were so different from retirement aged widows without toddlers circling their knees. Who knows. There is so much to learn in hearing the stories of others. There were and are widows whose determination to heal from their grief and find peace beyond tragedy. I listened to their words intently. I wanted a key into a positive future. And I read intently the laments of widows sometimes many years out, so displeased with everything: work, offspring, friends, their homes, bad relationships. Quite frankly I learned more from the latter group than the former as far as how I could craft a life for myself and my family. When is is a choice and when is it just rotten luck? I don't have the answers to this; I doubt anyone does. There did seem to come a time in my own walk on the Widow Road, that I felt able and strong enough to make good choices that would serve me well as I ventured further. I certainly see how circumstances can dictate otherwise: economics, geography, health, no immediate RL support when most needed. Bitterness can wear a soul down - I don't want it to be my soul that gets trampled. OK, rambling at this point. But enjoying the discussion, and again, thank you Jezzy and the folks working to make this new forum a good place for the newly (and not so newly) widowed. A.

MrsDan: May I just say I think you're awesome? I know you've had a rough go of it, I've read your posts. And yet here you have a job offer in competive field and you're making the find cut. It's amazing. My stepdaughter has had coveted internship in our small town's museum for the past several years so I've had a glimpse of how your world works. It's a tough decision to move under any circumstance. At 2 months I moved with my 3 children to a town across the state of California to live closer to family who promised to be helpful. They have been, to their great good credit. My husband, Jeff, had a rather snobbish view of this town, he thought there ware limited opportunities and whenever we came to visit my family - whom he loved - he always left saying things like "I don't know how they live here". And yet, this is where we live now. In other ways, I've honored the parenting values we shared: Montessori, college education, books in the house, quality nutrition, sports and physical activity, that sort of thing. I like to think he'd support my decision to live where we do as it was the best choice to make under extremely trying conditions. I was just doing the best I could with the resources I had. My aforementioned stepdaughter, who I became the legal guardian of after my husband's death, is finishing her college education on scholarship. I think he'd be proud. He'd also be proud of our younger kids. It's a one sided relationship, that of us of the living and that of a dead person. I wish you well in your interviews and (hopefully) in your move to a positive future for you and your daughter. Your deserve only the best in this world.

Hello all. I'm Amber, my husband Jeff was killed seven years ago on his way home from work by a drunk driver. I've gone to court for the sentencing of the driver, and twice to parole hearings to ensure his continued residency in the prison system to finish his prison term. At the time of my husband's death, our children were 1, 5, and 14. I was honored to become the legal guardian of my stepdaughter, who is now in college. Our youngest two are currently 8 and 12. Life is different, to say the least, but still good. It takes a lot to recover and rebuild. Only respect for the founders of YWBB and only respect for the organizers of this new site. Thank you one and all for this opportunity to share our experiences and learn from one another. Peace to all.