Gabzmom

My daughter attended a similar camp last year - Camp Erin. I think it helped her to understand that she is not alone and out on an island.

I am in. Interested as my daughter was 13 1/2 when we lost DH.

Oh man, I am so sorry. Many prayers being said for Pru and you.

I have a tendency to be a workaholic. Until I lost Rob. There is no reason I should ever have that much on my plate. I gave up a lot of "extra" activities, boards, etc. Am still on a major one. What kept going through my head was none of that sh*t mattered. My daughter - she matters. My family. My friends. The rest of it doesn't effing matter. I have found myself, in recent weeks, going back to my old habits. I am no longer my daughter's chauffeur and that freed me up. I stopped myself the other day and asked, "what about all the other stuff you have been wanting to do? Don't let that go and be consumed by your work again." I have to put boundaries on it. I am reading a book on being present for myself and not feeling like I should have every waking minute filled with stuff to do. I am leaving at 5:30 again. I am working on focus during the day and just working so that I can enjoy what I love. I am sorry I wasn't much help with a solution. I guess the best thing is to ask yourself "what matters most?" That helps put you back on track.

Damn. Spot on. Mahalo for posting, Kealoha.

Gosh, I am so sorry for the loss of your uncle. Sending a cyber hug your way.

I think it's wonderful that you are looking into some changes and are so very brave to move many states away. A couple of things to consider - the climates, and how often you might need connection to family and friends. I do think, however, that one can make new friends and find possibility in just about anything. I grew up military and have lived in a number of areas in the U.S. I live in the Pacific Northwest and I love the mountains and water. I lived in Portland for many years and am now outside of Seattle - which is overpriced and the traffic is horrendous. Oregon is beautiful as well. On the east of the Cascades, you will find dryer climates because you are in high dessert. The Western side might be too cloudy for newcomers. I will typically take a trip to somewhere sunny around February or March even if it calls for me going over the pass to the Eastern side of Washington or Oregon. Eugene, Oregon and Southern Oregon have smaller communities that I think I would love to live in. Take your time - do your research and enjoy the process.

You know, it takes a lot of us awhile to figure out what's important. I have come to realize the contests, etc. are not important to me in my current line of work. I feel the relationships I have with my clients, my beautiful daughter, and my circle of friends are more important than climbing that stupid ladder. With that said, I have been re-assessing as well. I am considering a change in my career. Still thinking about it so not truly sure yet. I hear you, and I understand. Success in life is not the almighty dollar. It's doing what you love and being with those you love. Hugs to you. You are doing a good job and it will all fall into place.

Shooting for Tuesday evening after 6. However, not sure on details as yet.

I don't know that I have lost faith - well, maybe a little. I have to ditto Trying. I was raised a Christian, took three years of both Theology and Philosophy as required by my college. It was during that time I gained an understanding/appreciation for the religions of the world. It was a time I questioned the organization in which I was brought up - a lot of it made no sense. In fact, the school encouraged us to question our "developed" knowledge so that we could learn. When we got married, we journeyed in faith together and chose to stay within our faith. It was incredible to me that at my late age of 30, I had met and married a man who was single and childless, and, wow - we were of the same faith. never mind that we met in an Irish Mexican bar in Las Vegas. That's a whole "nuther" story. As we journey further, we prayed, we wanted a child. I beat myself up thinking it wasn't happening because maybe I was not deserving of having a child. Eight years later, we got this little miracle after we had pretty much given up. It seems my daughter's birth deepened our faith. As we journeyed further, we developed a strong faith family - these people stood by me far longer than many. It was at this time, we developed our own philosophy - servant leadership. To serve is to lead - to lead is to serve. I still question a lot of the doctrine of my faith, but as Trying said, I have reconciled my decision to stay within my religion and the fact that I didn't agree with some of the teachings of this church. I think that I have a belief in God/a higher power. However, my spirituality is not necessarily tied to my church any longer. In the last couple of years, my daughter indicated she did not want to go through confirmation. When asked why, she stated that her beliefs did not align with the church. I came to the realization that it was her time to question this religion and to learn and make her way through her own faith journey. I wasn't going to make her go through confirmation as it would be a lie. She asked why I chose to stay and I told her that while I don't agree with some teachings, I like my religion and the familiarity brings me a level of comfort. I told her I wouldn't hide my stance and in fact have voiced my stance openly. These folks do not condemn me nor do I condemn them for the differences in what we individually value. Um, I was totally derailed - what was the question? Ah, yes. Have I lost faith? Well, Rob used to end all his letters to me while he was deployed with, "Keep the Faith." I still hear his voice urging me to keep the faith. And, I do, in my own way - no longer constrained by organized religion. Just conversations with God or Rob out on my front porch as I look up to the stars each night. And like Trying said, my prayers are not for things or outcomes, they are for strength and peace as friends, family, or I deal with things that come up.

Damn?All of this. All of it.

I am sorry. Keeping good thoughts flowing your way.

Wishing you peace as you navigate through. Hugs.

I am sorry for your loss. Sending prayers up for you and your children. Sending hugs your way.

She lived a full life and left a legacy of love and humor. Great obit. Thanks for sharing!

How much time do you think I will get if I ship as olive oil and they open to discover the wine? :P

My girlfriend from Cali did a road trip from Oregon to Wa. She picked up a couple of bottles of wine and now they sit in my dining room. She asked me to ship the wine to her. I checked UPS on shipping and it looks like it has to be done by a retailer. Anyone with experience on this? I know - I should just open the bottles and drink them.

Glad to hear she is on the mend.

Your post in its entirety made me smile. Especially, the part where he bought multiples of things. I have three staple guns and have given a Leatherman to several friends - my DH had more than nine. I kept one and gave another to my daughter. Glad you are remembering the good times. Blessings to you...

MS - thank you for those words.

It was Monday. I had a couple of triggers - one, last week, was when a friend dropped my daughter off at the wrong gate of a military installation to walk to her job. It was the wrong gate (I had told them both which gate if the friend could not get a pass) and was a few miles in blazing heat. I got a frantic message that DD was going to be late for work. I panicked when I found out and fortunately, a kind woman on post gave her a lift and she got to work on time. I headed back to the office and in the middle of my drive literally broke down. Another was that dumb FB memories feed for Monday. I got all the photos a friend took at my husband's burial in that feed. It made me relive that day. I could feel my heart in my chest and have had tears the last few days - always alone and always in my car. The only place I feel safe to open up is here. I wasn't expecting it all to come back. However, this time, unlike each saddiversary before, I let the sadness wash over me. I am better now and really, I am okay. And this time, I was okay not to be okay...

I have dated a few people. What I found was that I needed the person that I dated or spent time with to understand I was a single mom and I am very committed in ensuring that my daughter finds her sea legs, so to speak. I have met some very selfish men and I have met some very nice, compassionate men as well. I did start dating a widower and we have much in common. We can share fond memories of our respective spouses and still enjoy our "present." He's out only a year, but she was terminally ill for so very long - he said he felt he had grieved through her illness. I don't necessarily understand it, but learning how he stood by her side for over a decade increased my respect for him immensely. His daughter is older - mid 30's - he had her at 21 and I had DD at 38ish - so our children are 20 years apart. The nice thing about this is that he is so willing to be flexible and patient with my schedule with my career outside and in the home. He is very supportive of both me and my daughter. For now it's good. We enjoy each other's company - is it forever? Not even sure yet.

I totally agree with everyone and think you should give your dad the time you want. Many hugs to you. I know this is difficult.

Congratulations to you! You are stepping into a noble profession and I admire your courage. You will be fabulous!

rooshy, that was awesome! Thanks for sharing! And Carey, I was a teen and we danced to this when we lived in Germany! So I'd like to know where you got the notion! Here's a song I loved when I was 13 - his was one of my first albums. https://youtu.be/t9SSyMN75wY