Gabzmom

This Christmas, we changed it up yet again! Out of fear of pain, we have changed it up quite a bit. Last year, the house was so festive! I got a baby tree to place in the family room and my DD wanted to stay home. We opened presents Christmas morning and then I took a prime rib to the cousins. This year, we went to my cousin's Christmas Eve (I won't tell you about the craptastic afternoon) after letting go a small hurt (after all - it's all small in comparison to the big hurt). Again we opened Christmas gifts Christmas morning and headed into Seattle to spend the next two days. I am so grateful: 1. For this beautiful, big hearted kid of mine - she and I are on this journey together 2. Being able to spend the two days with my DD and pups at a pet friendly hotel and city 3. The sweet server at the Irish pub, Sinead - she was a dear and gave me a hug when we left

DH was in the military when we got married. He was deployed for both Desert Shield and Desert Storm. A year after returning home, he was deployed for 20 months overseas. When he returned, he had a special 6 month assignment out of state. We made it work. He did end up getting out because I told him that I didn't want to be single. So yeah - 4 years married and 6 months in the same home.

I am sorry for your DIL's insensitivity and that she hurt you. My thought is that she doesn't fully comprehend losing a spouse. I don't think she can plan her feelings. No one knows until one finds themselves in the abyss of grief. Sending a hug your way.

I am sorry you feel overwhelmed. Take care of you. Easier said than done, but you can say no. Practice it. Tell people you have a lot on your plate. It's hard for me with just one kid! ETA: I always had a hard time saying no and found myself taking my husband's slot on the pastoral council, being chair of trustees on our board, grief group for families, among other things. I sat down and looked at my passions and decided to withdraw from anything not related to my support of education, women, and my kid. I started resigning. Stayed on the board but gave the rest up.

I totally get this. DH passed unexpectedly and I returned to my business within two weeks. In my mind, I had no choice. I am the type that has to work through things. I remember people; I remember places; I don't remember the conversations. I was on autopilot and I had a 13 year old to focus on.

Congratulations!

Amen! It's like I am living with two people. The sweet girl and the crabby, self-entitled teen. I don't have anything to add as far as wisdom. I am just trying to adjust my sails.

Happy birthday to your daughter, Mac!

Hoping you and the girls are okay.

Thank you for posting. I have learned to be thankful for so much that still exists in my life. While the most important man in my life is no longer physically here, I think that occasionally he sends me signs that he's with us always - cheering us on. I am learning to not worry so much about what the future holds, but to look forward to all the wonderful possibilities coming our way. My daughter is a junior this year and we are looking at colleges. For now, I am thankful that I am doing alright without the anxiety meds. I hated the fogginess they brought and I kicked them to the curb. We have a home, I have a job, I have a great kid. She is my biggest blessing.

Such a tragedy.

I'm coming through 2 and it looks like I know what I want 3 to be. I am orchestrating the plan and will execute in the next few months. I will let all know once I e taken that leap. There will be a job change.

All has already been said. I had to add an Aunt to my restricted list because she commented on every post and sometimes was negative. She likely didn't mean to be but there were a couple of times her comments cause an argument between her and one or two of my BFFs. She only sees things that I make public - like my profile pic or cover photo. I have to say the last straw was a comment she made about a narrative regarding a bunny that survived the crash of the Twin Towers. My sister knew I was ticked when my reply was a steely, "it was a rhetorical statement." After that I was pretty much done with her comments.

Thoughts go out to you. I don't know how I got it all done when I look back. So many people helped me and yeah, no excuse for mean people. I would still send the letter. Hugs...

Years ago, my parents wanted me to go to medical school or get my nursing degree. I chose not to. My brothers and mom are nurses. I have a friend that teaches at the U in a program called Health Information Management. They told me it was the business side of medicine. It all clicked when I stopped in a clinic. The people behind the desk, the administrators, the CFO. Had that major existed all those years ago, I might have considered it. Also, I think someone mentioned the academic side. That might be an option for you. Sending good thoughts your way.

I am so looking forward to the show next weekend. I got the tickets as a gift for my daughter - she loves musical theatre. Idina Menzel will reprise the role she played on Broadway. I am beyond excited!

The author of the blog, Tim Lawrence, was basically affirming the thoughts of Megan Devine. I am not sure who she is nor have I read her blog. I did grab the link and attach it here. At first blush, I see that she is a mental health therapist and works with those in grief. It also looks like she has an e-course called "Writing Your Grief." http://www.refugeingrief.com

I thought I would share here because, you, of all people, will understand. http://www.timjlawrence.com/blog/2015/10/19/everything-doesnt-happen-for-a-reason He writes, Let me be crystal clear: if you've faced a tragedy and someone tells you in any way, shape or form that your tragedy was was meant to be, that it happened for a reason, that it will make you a better person, or that taking responsibility for it will fix it, you have every right to remove them from your life. Grief is brutally painful. Grief does not only occur when someone dies. When relationships fall apart, you grieve. When opportunities are shattered, you grieve. When dreams die, you grieve. When illnesses wreck you, you grieve. So I?m going to repeat a few words I?ve uttered countless times; words so powerful and honest they tear at the hubris of every jackass who participates in the debasing of the grieving: Some things in life cannot be fixed. They can only be carried." Wow - they can only be carried - here I was trying to find a fix that will never in a million years happen...

Aw! Wish I was there! When we met this past Spring, I took a cab and met my DD and BFF at the bottom of the High Line. It was a beautiful day and I so loved that walk.

I think it's a great idea. I have not been on the board for a few days though, so I didn't see it.

My DD was only18 months when we got in the car and drove to Jazz fest. It was the best time ever! We have some school road trips coming up, but I would be interested in seeing what comes up!

Yes. When I think back to that summer - I realize my child was, well, a child. She's nearly 17 and it feels like yesterday.

I remember the second. I had liked it last year because it touched my heart. Thank you for sharing the first.

These two: Alison Krauss - When You Say Nothing At All Garth Brooks - To Make You Feel My Love http://www.dailymotion.com/video/x24mbmq_garth-brooks-to-make-you-feel-my-love_music The crazy thing is I was on a business trip and played these songs on the phone for him a few days before he died. I told him these two songs by these two artists made me think of him and how much I loved him.

I was feeling a little melancholy the other night because DD had gone to her friend's straight from work to get ready for homecoming. It's such a big deal for me to take pictures of the events of her life. However, I didn't want to pester her, the other family, and then follow them to where they were going to dinner. She is going to be 17 in a month and in a year and a half she will be graduating from college. Sigh...