Tweety76

Hugs to you all!!!! I'm getting teary just reading your comments! @Aicha: 6 months was a massive landmark for me. Huge hugs!!!!!!!! July can't come soon enough!!! @Just Jen: You have no idea what hits you when I hug you Finns are reserved but we hug well All of you!!! just THANK YOU!!!!!!!!!!

Who knew (yeah, the veterans...) I'd get this far... 2 more days and a full year has passed since my husband died. I remember how I was anxious to be part of the "Shock wears off" part instead of the newbies... At 3 months shock wore off but little did I know what that meant. I never thought I'd make it to 6 months and here I am at the full year mark (2 days short). Tomorrow will mark the last day ever I spoke with him. I was on sick-leave (heavy flu and ear infection) and he was going to attend a company event starting at 10am so neither of us was in a hurry that morning. We woke up before the alarm went off so we stayed in bed. Got up eventually and I went for a smoke and he was getting ready to go. The morning was slow paced and easy going and we joked a lot. I went for another smoke and little did I know he was really getting ready to go for he was anxious to get to the event and have breakfast there (he loved food). I got back in doors and there he was at the door all dressed up and waiting for me to kiss him and say goodbye (he was going to a company ski trip for the weekend too). Hat on his head, bag of gears right at his feet, just waiting for me. I always told him to come back alive where ever he went. This time he just didn't listen! He walked out the door and I went back to the balcony just to see him catching the bus and that was the last time ever I saw him alive. We did still exchange few texts that morning and that was it. Next thing I heard was his brother calling me and telling the news and me falling on the floor screaming. Holy hell! That's almost a year ago!!!! So Sunday all the firsts are done and out and here I am. I love and miss that man everyday! I'm standing and gradually starting to look to the future (Thanks Grace and gallivanting ) Life happens and then you live and now I go cry my eyes out even I'm good. Trust me I am!

There again

Bump! I'm in

I'm in. @sphoc: come back!

Beautifully written article! Thank you for sharing it! <3

GO JEN!!!!!!!! That's a huge step! I'm so happy for you When I saw the topic I instantly started to smile (I remember the bagel thread from the old board) and thought, ok, cool! What's Jen up to now? This will be good \o/

Hugs Baylee!!!!!!!! I really don't have anything intelligent to say... HUGS!!!!!!!!

My eyes hurt! for reading...

This was me at 4 months mark in July last year. Very dark times. I'm so sorry for even posting this for I know there are a lot of widows(ers) that lost their spouses to suicide. I'm at 5 months and I found myself one morning (few weeks ago) with his insulin pen...opened...wasn't a bad dream. I go on contemplating I'll just have to go through with the paper work and then I can just go with him. I've been suicidal before, that's no secret but when it hit's me, all I can think is I want to go. it's just so strong the feeling when it hits me (today not, thank goodness) and it's so real. I'm one of those that lurk. Recently I've posted a few. And everything is just awful. The flashbacks, the feeling everything was a dream (please wake me up from this nightmare!!!!). But why? I gave myself one year. Either it gets better or I'm done. Why the F!!!!!!! Shiish this sucs! Suicidal thoughts and thoughts of pointlessness are normal for us wids. Hang on and reach out to us! YWBB caught me. We shall do that to you. Don't be afraid!

This! I remember doing that too Haven't for awhile and I just noticed when you posted

Sphoc and I are online. Jump right in if you feel like it

I can take the Widows on Wheels duty for anyone arriving on Thursday and wishing to go biking the city in a flower dress Injo's local expertise on getting there and back would be much appreciated even I am good with maps and locations

Oh boy Linda and JacklessSally! Horrible! I remember commenting on the old board that it actually hurts even more when the DGI/hurtful comments come from a fellow widow(er). Linda: that was just whoa! awful. What is wrong with people? JS: I'm so sorry you had to witness that. Suicidal thoughts are so common and talking about them keeps us alive. Been there, done that, YWBB caught me. I really haven't had any DGI comments just mild blurts. I however am capable of "smiting" (sorry! couldn't resist) them back either with politeness or just down right rude back. Hugs all!

LIKE!!!!!

I've got flights!!!!! I've got flights!!!!! I'll be arriving on 16th July (day early) at 6.45pm. I'm thinking of extending WOW to Widows on Wheels for Friday until the rest of you arrive Why not bike in the biking capitol of the world Tweety bird all set for Amsterdam dam dam!!!! ;D

I'm so sorry for your loss Sandy! Tight tight hugs! The hazzle at the beginning is overwhelming. Don't be too hard on yourself for not crying. You will when the time comes. Took me over a month to really start crying and screaming. Try to be gentle with yourself even you feel rational. It is easy to burn oneself out when a crisis this magnitude hits. Again: I'm really really tight hugs!!!!

I hadn't seen this before and this is exactly what I've been feeling lately. The "enough of this BS" phase started for me at 9 months mark and the feeling has kept growing since then. This is so well written!!!!!! Admins: Please pin this post to top!!!!! Posting it to Newbie section might not be a good idea, but having it here on top of the threads might get someone in the early days to read it. Understanding it will take time but this is really important one! Thank you hachi ! Forgot to say this the first time posting... I said to a colleague yesterday that I have a new motto: "Life happens and then you life". Surprised myself stating it with full force. Things really change!

My first thought after seeing the smite option was to contact you guys and ask for its removal. This thread about smiting people is hilarious, I give you guys for it but in the long run I can see the smite option being a hurtful tool especially when conversations heat up. I don't think we wids need to smite each other as life has smite us big time already. The applaud feature is very nice especially since there is no real like button. As nice as it is, that too can turn out to be an exclusive feature in the long run. How did I ever get this politically correct...I'm supposed to be open minded... Please don't smite, please!!!!!!!!!

I think Sunday was the original plan too Ursula has gotten the word (AC said so in another thread when I asked about her) but hasn't shown up yet. The rest I don't know. And I love the groupname too!!!!!!! Anything that turns in to WOW is just fantabulous!!!!!!

I'm right behind you few days and even the "one year ago today" has not started as strong as it was at 6 months mark, I do think what happened today a year ago briefly every morning. I too am amazed that I have made it this far with my dignity and sanity not really intact but rebuilt and stronger than ever. I feel like Rocky running the stairs while training for the big match from time to time. What a lovely friend you had supporting you the way he did a year ago. And you weren't by any means selfish back then. Sending you tight hugs!!!!!!!

Migrating this one over to the new board. The confessions thread was started in YWBB in 2005 by Penta with these words: "One of the awesome things about the YWBB is that we know we can say things here that we can't say elsewhere... things we MIGHT tell our best friend, but would never say to our family. ... Anybody else need to unburden their souls, share their darkest secrets?" Here are mine for today: - I cannot be bothered to wash dishes so I keep using the same set of a plate, a mug, fork, knife and spoon until they are so disgusting I have to - My diet is so crappy I'm actually starting to get worried. If I have a day off or work from home, I live on an apple (yes 1) and Protein shake combo and wonder why I feel so horrible in the evening. Plus I forget to drink water - I have feelings for a colleague but I keep those to myself for he is married (get out of my head now please!). Good conversations though - I have a walking date tonight but expect just about nothing of it. Good online conversations though again Who's next?

Has anyone reached Ursula?

EC wrote in the old forum these points which I wish to add to this thread: In the early days, everything is a blurry mess and decision making is heavily clouded for relatively long time. As choperette already said, making important and long lasting decisions is not a good idea for a long time and an important decision can be as seeming little as answering the question "what to do with your husband's/wife's belongings". Trust me, you are not in a hurry and taking time and allowing time to give you the answers is the best way to go. Surely some widow's want to get rid of everything as soon as possible and this is fine too but if you doubt even a bit, take a time out and see how things develop. I personally didn't move a thing for months and when I did, I felt really strong urge to do so. Else I did nothing. I also bought a camera and took pictures of my home and the things the way they were when my husband died. I wanted to have the option to return to that time should I ever want to do so. Allow yourself options. I did. I also reserved the right for myself and others to cancel any agreed lunches, walks etc even at the last minute because I could not be sure I how felt when the time came. I did keep some agreed things and others I simply had to cancel due to my state of mind at the moment. If you say this in advance, people in general will understand and not get offended which they easily can do too. The stuff around you is yours now and no-one has the right to take any of it nor tell you what to do with them. There can be people that come to you claiming something is theirs or that your late husband/wife promised them something or owe them money. If it's not properly documented, this is never the case and you do not have to "honour" any of these claims. Unfortunately some people do this and not everyone is good and kind. Anything you have is really now yours and if someone even politely asks you to give them say tools, just say that you will use them at some point even if you don't. My BIL asked for my husbands power-drill and I simply smiled to him and said: "yeah! can you imagine how good tools I have these days! I have a power-drill of my own now!!!!" Never asked for it again Your finances are private. Do not discuss those with anyone unless you really trust them. Blunt people will ask about life insurances and other such things and it is not their business. Period! There are people who may try to take an advantage on financial level on a person who has been hit with this immense tragedy. You can reply with "That's a private matter", "Can we talk about something else, please" or just with a silence and a puzzled look. Also on the phone. EC adviced in the original thread that if someone asks about your finances over the phone, just stay silent until they break it and when they do just say "I got to run now. Talk to you later" and hang up. I'm really sorry for your loss and I'm sad you have to walk this path! I know you would want to smack me for saying this (I did want to smack anyone who told me this in the early days) it will get better over time. It's a hard path to walk and there are so many ups, downs, deep black-holes and all on the way but you can pull through. Lean on this board! It will catch you if you fall. It did so many times in my darkest moments and I'm forever thankful for it. Join the chat when you feel like it! I've had such an incredible discussion over there (instructions on General -section) and made such a good friends that I'm overwhelmed. Go to bagos if/when you have energy (I'm heading for my first own ) and remember: You are not alone! Hugs!!!!!!

Thank you mokie!!!! Although after 2 days of black-and-white I really need sunglasses with this one