beth_krkswidow

Hugs. Just hugs

Yeah,  too bad we're so far apart. ..

Happy birthday to your Susan. I'm so sorry.  I know this will be a difficult day

Hugs

Raymond,  you must be a writer.  You write so eloquently.

I agree

In a related vein, it SO annoys me when people say that I must be better because I look better. I want to scream. How can I ever be better? He's dead. He's gone.  Nothing will ever be good again

Kim, no words, just hugs.just hugs.

Thanks,  everyone.

Camila, we're so close in time. You lost your husband the day I buried mine.

It just doesn't get any better.

When am I going to wake up?

Aaaarrrgghh! UNbelievable.

Wow. I've had some insensitive remarks, where I want to smack  them,  but not as bad as some of these!

I'm so sorry

Wish WE could get together for Christmas.  Dreading that

Hugs to you

Yes, unfortunately triggers aboind. I am past 6 months and I have still not said I was doing beyter. At one week I was still catatonic.  SOmetimes I still feel catatonic.

I am sorry you had to join us, but you have come to the right place.

ONe day, one step at a time. 

Dannette, I am so sorry. So sorry.  Warm hugs, warm hugs.

"Stay strong during this holiday trial many of us are now having to endure."

Perfect way to put it, and thank you.  You too.  Thank you, mbanyard

"Now that it's there it gives me comfort - it's beautiful and simple and it's my tribute to my wonderful husband. He deserves no less."

I trust that will be how I feel when I see it now.  Thank you.  Yes.  He deserves no less.  Thank you, Julester.

Hugs to you both.

I went to his grave today, as I do every week.  I was shocked to see that his headstone had been put up.  They had said it would be done before Christmas, and I just thought they would let me know when they were doing it.  It was quite a shock.  And not a good one.  Perhaps it would have been better had I been prepared.  I completely lost it.  It is so final now.  I guess he really really is never coming back.  To see our headstone is ... I want my Honey.  I hate this life without him.

"Oddly, I take comfort in my pain for it reminds me of how great was my love.  If you choose to live life with love then you also have given the power to those you love to shatter you . . . to break you.  Lately my mind has twisted the echo to hear "I love you", instead of "I broke you".  I think my love chose those words wisely, so many meanings behind them.

You do not get over grief, around it, through it, under it  . . . you learn to carry your loved one's water, as you each did for one another when they were alive.  The weight never changes only your strength to carry it does."

So true.  So profound.  I will try to remember this. 

Thanks.  I needed to hear this, because I just feel as if I can't go on.  I can't take this.  It will be 7 months on Christmas day and I just can't take it.  It has not gotten any better.  I cannot believe it.  I still can't believe he's gone and I don't want to go on. 

Thank you so much,  for taking the time, both of you. Means so much.  Hugs of gratitude

How is this even my life. I'm 30 and my husband was 33 when he died. I'm coming up on 2 months since he died in a few days. I love him so much. I can't even say loved because I still and will always love him. He was truly my soulmate and the only person I ever wanted to be with and now he's gone. I just have trouble seeing what's the point of it all. ...;( I don't want to do life without him.

I could have written these words exactly.  (except for the one sentence I took out about looking for a medium). ... and except for your ages.  I have no will to go on.  I won't do suicide because I know he would not approve and I know God would not approve.  But I have absolutely no desire to go on.  My Life, My Reason for Living is gone. 

I am sending you hugs.  You're not alone but I know that doesn't help.

More hugs.

Thank you, Maureen.  What was the old board and why did it end?  I see Ywbb and don't know what it stands for.  I figured out the YW, just not the bb. /Thanks for coming back for the newbies.

Yes.  Life has stopped.  Existence.  Just going through the motions.  My reason for living is gone.  He was my everything.  I hit it out of the park with him.  Grand slam.  I want him back.  It still hasn't gotten through my head that he really really is never ever coming back. That I will never ever see him again in this life.  Why can't I wrap my head around that? 

Thanks, Maureen. John's birthday is the same as my husband's.

Definitely 'fake it till I make it' at work and in public.  But then, ironically, it ticks me off when people think I'm fine.  Guess I fake it well.  Or maybe it just ticks me off that people could believe I'd actually be ok.  At home, and in the car, I am a mess.  I don't understand why I always cry in the car.

Listening to all your suggestions.  I have the same question as mbanyard.  Am dreading dreading dreading Christmas.  Made it through Thanksgiving by working all day.  Monday (my birthday which he always made very special) is the day the funeral home is doing a candlelight remembrance service for all who have passed this past year.  So that "first" will be taken care of, albeit with a cry-fest. But that's ok.  What better way to spend my birthday than with a candlelight remembrance.  But Christmas... ugh.  And we were never able to have kids, so there are no kids to focus on.   

Yup.  So sorry you feel the same way.  So sorry we're here.  Hugs to you. 

Never heard of weighted blankets, but sounds like a great idea.

@Soryashusband: Love your wife's expression, "You smash me like potatoes"

I go to a "young" widows grief group at a funetal home. THey have one for over 65 and one for under 65. It is NOT the funeral home I used. It is open to any wodow, npt just to people who used their services. So maybe there are groups like that at funeral homes in your area. NYC has to have something like that. I suggest checking with the bigger funeral homes.

Yes, the long termers say it gets "softer". I like that description.  Cannot imagine it getting "better".... but softer I can accept as a possibility.  We shall  see. We shall see

I'm so thankful for this site. To know I'm not crazy. ..guess that's a good thing. THank you to all of you. Adley, perfect analogy. I agree,  Callobg. And to LTSL and Sory...Hugs. Just  hugs.