Newgirl

I am so sorry you were thrust into this club. I was close to your age when my husband died. I read the cancer widow book but I didn't like it, I didn't find it helpful. I can't remember why. The stiletto widow book was good in that it had a fair amount of practical advice, but at times it came across as "bubblegummy" to me. A Grief Observed is beautiful.

Rest in power, Katie. Cancer here too. Together 12 yrs. He was 39. It's a process. You are going to make it. Keep breathing.

It's great to see you post, hikermom! I wish you the best, I sold my house and moved last year. I purge bit by bit, and tell myself that in order to make room for the future, clutter needs to go. One suggestion is to take the photos someplace that will scan them and then have them made into a book. You deserve the best, and I hope you find it.

Ryanamysmom- I would recommend searching "widow" and whatever other term you're looking for. Like parenting, 40s, military, etc. There's a group for ppl seeking Chapter 2 relationships, and probably one for those who aren't. some that are gender specific. Some groups are private, but as you get to know people you find other groups. Many groups also have linked to other suggested groups. Good luck. HTH. The other lovely feature is the block button.

It breaks my heart to see our ranks constantly grow. I just wanted to pass on that though I resisted FB at first, I've found several great groups for wids. If you need to use a dummy account to get the healing and support you need, but also have to protect your identity, that's what I did. The groups are active and well populated. It has been better for me for meeting other wids. This board is a great resource as well, but for anyone who needs additional, the groups have been wonderful. There seems to be something for everyone.

Hi Trying, Everything you said in the letter was true. Will it help? I hope so. Am I confident? No. She sounds like she has a personality disorder. My parents did this crap w me. I moved far away, and they will die alone likely. Not bc I am a cold hearted beyotch but bc I had to build my life far away from their toxicity for my own health. Her kids will remember and resent this. It is a form of abuse. I agree w talking to teachers, no child should be treated this way. They aren't property.

It is amazing to me how holidays I once glanced at now offer solace. Somewhere there's a cluster of people who speak to death, and honor its claimants. I didn't know this was the first time you met, T. Ours was online and fellow Tolkien nerds. I miss mine too. I lit a candle for him on Samhain night, and it burned through the Day of the Dead, and it its night. I'm sorry. Our friendship is the best worst consolation prize I could have asked for. Best wishes

The floor is sticky in here, and some asshole pissed in the corner... This is why we can't have nice studios... I brought you a stack of virtual plates, Michael, so you may throw them at our virtual chandelier. The station might be in reruns, but it's still on the air. Your crusty ass is in my heart, and my thoughts. Send me eff bombs if ever you need to. It's not fair. It's a f*cktacular feat of f*ckery, and the f*cking good ones die young. I give two one fingered salutes to the universe on his behalf. Do you hear that, universe? That means you aren't number 1 in my book, that means go f*ck yourself. If I could build you a sculpture of a middle finger, and put it on a space shuttle, I would send that f*cker first class through the stratosphere, and into the sun.

I have done well for myself, thanks. I don't throw tantrums when life goes awry. I don't make excuses. I stand by what I said.

It's a discussion that needs to be had more often. TFS.

I'm not philosophical, at all, I do my best to be honest, and not be a sanctimonious twat.

So you're mad bc you ignored him, and then he stepped up to meet a perceived need? And you're slighted bc he didn't ask you to co-pilot the new group? This guy sounds awesome, and I respect him. Perhaps your attitude was what was driving participation down.

Does anyone have contact info for TooSoon? Please PM me. Thank you.

Best of luck and wishes!

I looked into this too, I'm 35 as well, but when I saw the "Adam ruins pregnancy or fertility," episode of "Adam ruins Everything," I developed a calmness about it for the first time. I am grateful my late husband and I did not chance cursing our kids with the horrible, genetic disease that claimed him, as much as I regret missing out. My sister struggled w infertility for years, tried drugs, IVF, etc. All nada. She gave up, got lucky w adoption, and then at 44, got pregnant w surprise nephew 2, he's healthy, etc. I'm not letting the fertility industry terrorize me w incomplete data anymore. The extraction process is painful, and the success rates on frozen eggs weren't high enough for me to accept the cost and risks. I prob can't have kids, but that's what they told my sister too. If it's right for you, power to you and go for it. But do it from a place of being informed, not a place of fear.

Awww Hunter, It is great to hear from you. You were so kind to me (I had a diff name on the old board) Very sorry to hear of your friend's loss.

I was raised in a church that abused my family and my ancestors. I study hermetic christianity sometimes bc LH was a student of it. I am going to check out the Greek/Orthodox Church and see if it works out. Do I believe in somethimg greater than myself, and that my husband sends me signs? Absolutely. And even if it's coincidence, I am not going to throw away what gives me comfort.

It was relatable. I don't think it glorified suicide at all. I think it did an admirable job of depicting the suffering of mental illness, and it pointed out the hypocrisy of our educational culture. The suicide awareness posters don't go up until after someone dies. I don't think that young teens should be watching it, but I am glad that people are talking about it. I am anti-censorship, so I don't support banning it.

40!!! Oh wait, that's not supposed to be a good grade...

What crotchety bastard opened this place up again? I brought some cheap vodka for molotov cocktails, and a paddle with "bitch" embossed on it so we can bitch slap the mortals. You are loved, Michael. Receiving your transmission, loud and clear. I'm listening.

Hi there, Yes, the pain lessens. You may wish to post in the parents section, there is a wider audience there, who may be able to offer advice. One foot in front of the other.

Hi Leah, Widowed at 30, now 34. I don't live in VT, but I just wanted to let you know that you aren't alone.

I am so sorry to hear this. That is appalling. And isn't there a verse in the bible about caring for the widowed? This is the kind of stuff that turns people away from religion. The next time I am out on the trails, I will leave something in your wife's memory. It may only be a libation and a prayer, but I will do it with honor.

Tried to PM you, but it doesn't appear to be working.

Hi Amber, I was 30 when I lost my husband to cancer. I hope your blog brings you peace. I wrote a lot on the old board, and in the early days. It helped. It's always hard to see wids in their 20s and 30s, 50s is most common for "young" widows. Sometimes the young young widows get left out. It's heartbreaking to see wids younger than me, and I felt pretty darn young when I lost my beloved, but I want you all to know that you aren't alone.