Christopher

Community is your friend, when they aren't being condescending jackasses with no compassion. You need to reconnect with the folks still here and remember that your beloved is waiting for you in the next place. You'll get there in due time but for now, you're here for the other folks that are still here. The road is tough and you walk it alone. Folks can help you along the way but it is your road and you walk it. Don't get into a relationship too soon (for me it was 2 years. I had 2 relationships in that time where I tried for a wife but found that the woman was just no good). If folks are bad news, simply cut them out of your life. Don't waste your time. Spend what time you do have on the folks who do care. People might ask why you are being callous or whatever but you have an answer: "I am in too much pain to put up with their <bleep>. I need only good company right now. Nothing less." I found that TheRapists just cost money and don't help much. Being out in nature is really the best medicine for feeling down. Going to talk to someone out of the loop doesn't help but talking to someone that knows what you're going through from a perspective greater than "I read about it in a lot of books for my degree" will be very helpful in most cases. Best of luck to you going forward and may God guide your steps. My wife died suddenly of aortic dissection as a complication of Marfan syndrome. I married my best friend from church group volunteering. It just kind of happened... suddenly (both things).

I was widowed in Sept 2010. It was sudden and I had no friends or family to lean on. Grandma (late wife's side) used an AARP subscription she had kept secret from us to steal the car. I was too broken to stop her. Taking care of our 5 year old son after that was tough but we managed. I had complete short term memory loss for 6 months and much of what I used to remember is now just a big void, but I will do my best. My beloved lady was a real gem of a woman, straight out of Biblical behavior. She was patient, kind, intelligent, witty, clever, dutiful and industrious with what little we had (I had a construction company when we married then the entire multi-billion dollar a year multi-state industry collapsed during my 3rd year as a startup so I was working minimum wage full time and we were struggling). She was an artist and enjoyed music as well. I would commonly come home to find her working in Photoshop on a project or playing a video game if our kiddo was asleep. Sometimes I would come home to her and our son having a blast doing something. She became a (monogamous) nymphomaniac shortly after our kiddo was born and had me int he bedroom 4-6 hours a day and it became my favorite thing to do in life to make her feel good. That part of me got stuck and now I'm going crazy with lack but I'm a husband, not a tramp. She showered me with affection every day and I showered her with similar affections, whether we were in public or not. Holding hands, kissing, hugs from every angle... we were a highly affectionate couple. I cannot find a similar lady these days to save my life. I need one so badly that every week I find myself weeping and gnashing my teeth when I can no longer hold the need at bay and must endure the burn. She enjoyed long walks on a cool sunny day through the park or by the lake. She liked to have picnics out on the grass on a blanket she set aside just for such a thing and kept in the trunk of our car. I told her about Alaska and she wanted to move there. She liked it cool, but not cold. She hated the heat but didn't think about leaving Oklahoma until I asked her about it. I think she would have very much enjoyed helping me build a cabin in the woods of Alaska so that we could live out there off-grid with all the modern amenities. She loved nature as much as I do. When she died I nearly let my heart completely stop. I nearly died the very next evening of grief. Only the fact that our 5 year old boy needed me brought me out of that. He's 12 now and doing fine.

Nothing about this is easy. Not even one tiny part of it. All of it feels like a millstone hung around your heart. All of it hurts. All of it drains you. Even 7 years in, some days I just can't any of it. Not even a little bit. I am not good alone. Congrats on getting that done. I'm sure you had to spend a few months mustering up the strength to do it. I know I did.

The most common thing is that they cannot find a good woman. Not even one. Now if a good woman happened to find them...

I told my kiddo what I learned through Genetics, Epigenetics, Hermetics, Biological Electromanetics, Neurology, Neurosciences, Rei Ki, Psychotherapy, Psychiatry and a few other related fields: Men store and retain the essence of every woman they have sex with. Basically, they physically and electromagnetically marry the woman. They cannot avoid this as it is part of the process, any more than you can avoid turning a car on and using the gas pedal in order to drive it cross country. Women take in more than a man does, storing his biological electromagnetic signature permanently. She also stores his DNA in her womb and brain permanently. She physically and energetically marries him. These are permanent and do not go away but they do have a register that ticks over when a death is confirmed, like a light switch being turned off. The light is still there, it's just off (figurative). Most of the studies conflict with the agenda to corrupt our youth so the funding tends to get cut when results like that are found and only curious minds that patrol ResearchGate and similar sites ever get to see them before they are destroyed by the investor(s). So basically tell your kiddo straight up: Your body will marry her whether you like it or not. Pick a good one that you want to die of old age laying next to in a bed somewhere nice when you're so old and wrinkly that you forgot what you looked like when you were a teenager.

I suppose I've had enough tragedy in my life not to really care. Using the term "late wife" doesn't bother me at all. I've had a lot of loss in my life. Parents, pets, favorite stuff (kept getting stolen), siblings, wife... God forbid I lose my son too... Death is a part of life, just like breathing out is a part of breathing in. One cannot happen without the other and when one happens, the other must follow.

My late wife and I had a kiddo, he is 12 now. Only my broken, scattered and mostly insane family seems remotely interested in having anything to do with him. My late wife often complained that her family didn't want her and they were sure to show it. Now they continue the vigil of not even being considerate. I often forget they exist and that's just fine. We do ok on our own. I would love a new wife and loving family but I can make do with this broken and scattered one. If they cared, they would show it. If you care, you show it.

Slow and steady. "So long as you are moving forward, it does not matter how slowly you are moving. " - A buddhist proverb I liked.

There is a way of dealing with such things simply. Sit down and ask: Is this fair? Is it fair for me? Fair for them? Am I enabling them to do things that would hurt them in the future? Is it fair? Your answer to that introspection will help you see what to do next.

So he feels inadequate and like he doesn't measure up to his expectations of him as a husband. I too felt this at one time. I needed support. Emotional support and reinforcement, mental collaboration, friendship and confidence building. He could really use a mentor; a male role model that isn't his dad that he can talk to and get solid advice from.

Only answering the topic and original post Simple answer with complex connotations: Yes. Yes, we do.

Nobody should live in the shadow of another. It's just not right. Yes, transitions are hard but the folks willing to go through them have true commitment and by their continued vigil show true love and dedication. I like that your new man was very eager to help you make the transition to what his life had become and that he was doing his best to help you integrate without living in his late wife's shadow. The transition is difficult to make while retaining old behaviors and such. A person can quickly feel out of place, alienated and isolated by the sheer magnitude of it. This of course takes them out of their comfort zone quite a bit and many fear for their safety in such circumstances, running away to where they are familiar even if it is miserable. As for those that responded that the deceased spouse is eternally a part of who they are, this is not in dispute. The point I raise is that the new spouse should not eternally live in the shadow of the lost one as permanently second-best. They are merely a different person and ought to be loved just as the first one was.

Guideposts on the road. I used my previous relationship, which was excellent until poverty did us in and she died as a direct result, as signposts for my dating attempts. I see red flags a lot faster and more clearly now. I had the advantage of marrying my best friend. We were both virgins over 20 (we told a lot of people no over the years). Occasionally I find myself crying again in the bedroom because my bed is empty and I need someone to lay her head on my shoulder and her leg over my leg so I can sleep. I sleep on the couch quite often now so I can avoid that feeling. This tells you what level of need I have that just doesn't ever fade. I'm 7 years in. I find that while dating I am so present in the moment and giving respect to the person in front of me that I don't even think about my late wife at all until I have a moment of introspection. That is, unless a red flag pops up and I have to address it. In bad relationships that I just try to forge ahead in I found that I thought about my late beloved more and more to a point of not even wanting to continue the facade of the dating mess I had found myself in due to all the red flags, incompatibility, jealousy (over other living women) and control issues... so I just use it as a guidepost.

I have adopted a saying for things like this: "Okay. *THAT* happened. Moving on..." and I leave it behind, mentally and emotionally. If it chases me then I fight with it until it goes away. I cry if I have to. I too found out after the fact about infidelity, though it took some years. I just never asked. One day I found out. Ok. That happened. Moving on. I hope you can find the peace in your heart to acknowledge that it's not your fault. Something was wrong with your partner and it's ok now because it can't be dealt with. Now you know why some things were the way they were though. That's all you need it for: reference. I hope the next one (if you move on) treats you better.

walking holding hands 5 walking arm around shoulder or waist 4 (the posture might not be easy to walk around with) peck on the cheek or lips 5 staring into each others eyes 5 really kissing 4 Sitting on their lap or vice versa 5 I like the notion "If you love them, show it." You are a living example of your love for one another and how a relationship ought to be done. I'm amazed at how many females these days don't feel the same way.

Your mom is a Statist and believes that the State is god and that their paperwork is gospel. According to ancient, unbroken tradition a husband and wife were sexually and otherwise committed to one another. A marriage began with sex and ended only in death. Sex is sacred and should not be shared with strangers (according to the same traditions). These traditions have a common origin indeed, but they predate even the civilizations that archaeologists try to tell us actually existed. You were married to him if you were already behaving like it. I can list the practices that study energy and how it works as examples of proof but I don't think those kinds of things would be healthy to list on a grieving help board. Your mom needs to stop worshiping the flag and trying to enforce the State's corporate codes and policies and try to acknowledge the truth. You are an authentic widow.

I love your drive and sense of expectation. You had the right notion of what it is to be married. Writing out this letter was also an excellent step from a therapeutic perspective. You needed that hurt pushed out of your heart and you did it the right way. I had to do my own therapy for being widowed, C-PTSD and Major Depression so I learned a lot about psychiatry, psychology and related fields. I've had a successful recovery and hopefully I can help others. That's why I can speak on a therapeutic perspective so casually. I sincerely hope that the next one appreciates and honors you as you rightly deserve. That is, assuming you go and get a next one. I personally can't stand being alone but can't find a good woman to save my life. I've been looking in the wrong places. I also wrote several letters to my late wife. Each time I dealt with a different but deeply intense emotion that was crippling me in life. By the time I found out that she had cheated on me with my brother, I was already so accustomed to coping with distress that it barely phased me. In fact, due to the level of anguish of being suddenly widowed as I was after 7 years of being with her, I am able to quickly adapt to any level of discomfort or offense at a rate that leaves other people uncomfortable. If you have any questions, please do use my email (I'm not sure how to do this yet, I just know about the check box when signing up).

In my experience the piece of paper doesn't make a difference. Since then I have studied the legal system and its authoritative roots and found them to be fraudulent anyway so that's always refreshing. I lost touch with everyone I used to know. The family that used to constantly want my help is now distant and doesn't ask much of me. If I talk about being widowed (or even mention it briefly) I seem to be the only one talking and everyone else gets quiet and wants me to leave. I'm 35 but I look like I am in my 20s. Maybe that's why, they are uncomfortable that a man who looks so young, healthy and vibrant is a widower. I don't know... they don't answer when I ask. People treating you like they wish you didn't exist is normal I suppose. Well, it's certainly my new normal. It's been 7 years now and things haven't changed. There is no "getting back to normal" now. This is the new normal. Best wishes and hit me up if you have questions.

I had short term memory loss for 6 months and I had to use a notepad in my pocket with a pencil always handy to even keep track of what I was doing. 6 months is not enough bereavement time. A job that wants you back to work in short order is nothing short of psychopathic and evil.

Marriage, according to thousands of years (the majority of mankind's existence) and since the Beginning: Man + Woman + Sex = Marriage. Corporations want to get their filthy hands in there and say things like "Not until you have a license!" The authority of the corporations, like the United States LLC and its State corporations, descends through the legal system from the Throne of Lucifer in Vatican City LLC. Go ahead and research the legal system if you want, you'll find the same information. Personally I don't let demons tell me anything, especially whether or not I am married. So those of you who were unwed under the demonic principalities of MindControl (GovernMent translates to this) were in truth married to the one you lost. Your widowhood is authentic. Sex is sacred. Be careful who you lay with. Women store the electromagnetic imprint and DNA of every man they lay with. Men do a similar thing. Don't just share it freely.

My brother lived with me for several years while my wife was alive. She became hypersexual, keeping me in the bedroom 3x a day for a total of 4-6 hours and sometimes wanting it more than 3x a day. We had a policy of "If you want it, come get it. No is not an option when sex is concerned." She cheated on me with my brother but I had no idea. I just let it go. It's something that can't be dealt with.

I used to live there and would gladly move back. Alaska is a beautiful place. I miss it very much. Sadly, frivolous journeys a great distance away from where I am financially trapped at the moment aren't going to work with the budget. Otherwise I'd set a time and grab a plane ticket. I love to comfort people.

I think adding the fact that you have proven your commitment in a previous marriage, which ended properly with death as all marriages should, and will prove your love once more is a great way to cement the notion of your commitment. Something like "As I have proven myself before in a marriage which ended as all marriages ought to, that being in death and only in death, I will love you relentlessly and until the very life inside of me leaves my bones or until yours leaves you. I will adore you with every beat of my heart, every breath that escapes my lips and every effort of my body. I will not leave you or forsake you. Only death can do us part, and this is good in my sight."

Monogamy = One at a time. Polyamory = Everyone at the same time and they can deal with conflict/rivalry themselves. Also called "Harlotry" in many ancient cultures. You can move on to the next person you will shower with love and affection just as easily as the first one you had. You'll mention your late spouse from time to time, sure. That's a given. The stuff that your late spouse used to do that you loved should be a behavior that your new spouse should pick up. The bad stuff belongs in the "I will manually forget that" category. I personally need someone new to shower with love and affection but the average woman my age just isn't worth having around. So I'd like to speak to some widows and see how things go. I'm 35 (male) and it's been 7 years since I lost my beloved. Our son is 12 and has adjusted well.