MissingMyJon

Happy Anniversary! I am so very sorry that you had to spend the day alone, without your spouse. And I am sorry that no one who was at your wedding remembered to see how you are doing, or to support you. My DH passed almost 15 months ago, and the only people who recognized my first wedding anniversary with Jon were my parents, and that is only because I needed them to pick up my kids from school that day. This year they didn't even remember. The day was so hard without Jon, but the emptiness seemed to be magnified by the absence of friends/family to recognize such an important day for me. Just wanted to let you know I get it. ((HUGS))

I don't think it is weird or cruel. If this is what you need to do to get some sort of closure, and to free yourself from your anger over his treatment of you, then writing the letter is what you need to do.

I also understand the feeling like you are the only single parent in your area. I don't know anyone that is single, except my ex husband (from my first marriage). . The divorce rate is at 50%. I wonder how it is I don't know another single adult. I have 4 kids with a large age range (3-17), and I am constantly attending school/day care related events. I do feel like I stand out most of the time. It does suck. And I also agree with momtokam. Most people are just wrapped up in what they are doing, and it doesn't occur to them to offer help. One of my daughters has baton twirling, and they have all day competitions. I am always toting the younger two everywhere, and they are stuck at those competitions. Everyone in my daughter's group knew me pre-widowed, and yet they never offer to help me. Even just offering to watch one of them for a few minutes so I don't have to haul both kids with me for one of those emergency bathroom breaks would be wonderful. They are all just pre-occupied with the competition and their own families. Sending you hugs.

Virgo and cgelpink, Thank you both for responding, and getting it. Virgo, I hope your daughter is ok, and I know what you mean. Whenever I need to make decisions for my kids, it is so hard to do so without Jon. I know I can make those decisions, but it still doesn't feel right to do so without him. Cgelpink, I bet those long hugs feel wonderful. I am so glad you get them. We all need hugs like those. I do get quick hugs by friends and family, but what I wouldn't give for one of those long, big bear hugs. The ones where you feel safe. My DH gave the biggest, longest, most amazing bear hugs. The kind of hugs where the world just melted away... Sigh... what I wouldn't give for one of his hugs.

I went to see the new movie Terminator : Genisys with my son and father, and there was a line in the movie which almost brought me to hysterics. I won't go into details for those who would like to see the movie, but there is a moment in the movie where the Terminator says (and I am paraphrasing), "Why do we always want to hold on, when we know we must let go." And I lost it. Spent most of the movie trying not to bawl my eyes out. And the rest of the moving missing my Jon horribly. The line so rang true to me. I am struggling with letting go of the life I was supposed to have. Struggling to come to terms with the fact that I have a lifetime left without him. Struggling to start a new life. I try to live in the moment so I don't get overwhelmed by that knowledge, but when I heard that line on the big screen, I couldn't help but think about Jon. And I was floored. When I talk to my friends about my feelings of missing Jon or needing his strength, or when I get floored by just the simplest things (like the line from the movie), they always tell me Jon is with me. Always close. But I don't really feel that way. I get what they are saying, logically, but I don't feel him. Not really. And I haven't found a way to feel him close. He is never going to be close enough anymore. It's not enough. I just haven't found a way to feel like his is with me. I guess the real problem is, of course, that it's not what I want. I really want him, next to me, in a lifelong embrace. I just miss him so much these days... :'(

I woke up with morning with a big smile on my face, perky and happy all around! It is the first day since Jon's death where although I think of Jon all the time, I am still feeling happy. Trying to savor the feeling. I remember once upon a time when I used to feel like this all the time. It has felt like I would never wake up really happy. It is good to know that I can still feel like that. ;D

I was able to send my youngest off to grandma and grandpa's, and take my two oldest kids to see Jurrasic World. So hard to get time alone from my little kling-on. Loved being with just my oldest two. Thanks mom and dad!

I can totally relate. My dh died suddenly too, and if I had known he was going to die, I would have spent every second I could with him. So many more moments we could have had together... <sigh> I wish there was some advice I could give to help. Just letting you know I am here and I hear ya. I am sending you big HUGS.

Hugs to you

Congrats!!! That's great news

I am so sorry for your loss, it is so sad and tragic. And heartbreaking for you and your daughter. Sending you hugs, and am hoping that you can find strength during such a tough time.

I am going to a wonderful therapist as well. I first found and connected to her when my first marriage was going down in flames. She was my lifeline then. As soon as Jon passed, I sought her out. And she is my lifeline now, since I don't have friends or family to talk to about my grief, or who get what it is like to be a widow, or have suggestions on how to help. And my therapist, although not a widow, has many clients who are, and she shares what others have done to cope, to distract, and to reflect. She helps me feel less alone since I don't have my Jon to talk to about the daily grind. I hope your counseling appointment goes well, and that you get some benefit from it.

tmppgh2015, I am just over 13 months. I read every day, and although I also do not post often, this forum has been a life saver for me. I, too, sometimes struggle with the words on what I need to say, and even just coming up with a reply. I am sorry you are having such a hard time.

I feel your pain as well. I haven't found anything that really works, and I am leery of taking any sleeping aids, since I need to be able to function if a kid wakes and needs me in the middle of the night. Sigh... What I would give for a regular sleep schedule again. Sorry I wasn't any help, but am sending you a hug, and hope tonight you get some good shut-eye.

Like LisaPop, I love to do puzzles. However, for it to really help me and for me to enjoy it, I have to "connect" to the puzzle, if that makes sense, and no more than 750-1000 pieces. Working a puzzle with too many pieces requires more patience than I have these days. I have also tried coloring mandalas. I love to color with my kids and my therapist suggested trying the mandalas. I find that I spend too much time over-analyzing what I should create or what color to use with the mandala. I think that if I just find a coloring book I would like (maybe Disney-themed), I would probably get more enjoyment out of the coloring.

I am tentative. Would love to go, but will have see what is going on. I know my Father in law is moving the mid-week prior, so I might be unpacking that weekend instead!

His name is Jon. He was a wonderful man. There is so much to say about him, and yet I struggle to find the words. He had an amazing heart, and was willing to help out anyone and everyone. He had incredible patience (he needed it with me ). Wherever we went, he always had little facts about this historical place or that building, or that animal. I miss going to the aquarium with him and not hear little tidbits about stingrays or sharks. He loved family, and went above and beyond to stay close with those he could not be physically around all the time. He had a gentle strength about him. He always knew when I needed a little extra strength, and quietly held me up when I needed it. He loved me and my kids, treating them as his own. He was more of a father to my older three than my ex-husband ever will be. And he was so excited and overjoyed when we brought our own bundle of joy into this world. Our little girl has his amazing memory, and although she doesn't have any factual tidbits to relay to me (since she is only now three), I can definitely tell she will be telling me every little thing she learns in school. He showed me what true love really felt like, really meant. What it was like to be loved, and taught me how to love with all my heart in return. Every morning, I would wake in the morning, see him next to me, and my soul would smile. I smiled every day of our almost 7 years together. I miss him so much...

Here are some pics and info about the legacy art Gayle created for me. So, I actually ordered 4 items, two of which are mine, and one is going to Jeff (his father), and the other to his mother. Those two items are square 18? pillow cases for accent pillows. And they are similar to the tshirt quilt. There is one of his shirts, with a ?theme? around the shirt as an accent. So, my tshirt quilt had an ocean theme to it. And I took several pics for you, but the accent quilt material definitely has an ocean feel, as well as an outdoorsy, sand, beachy feel, which is perfect. And I don?t know if you can see it, but she stitched swirls across the entire quilt, also to give the feel of the ocean waves. Jon and I loved the beach. We knew that when the kids got older we would move to the beach. I can work anywhere, and so could Jon, really. The second item I received is a pillow case, for a pillow you would rest your head on. And she picked a scene/theme for the pillow case. For me, she decided upon the Love Tree in St. Augustine. Jon and I were in St. Augustine and kissed underneath the famous tree. In the zoomed in photo you can see the stitching across the entire pillow kind of like wind blowing. Every leaf was from one of Jon?s tshirts, and at the opening of the pillow case, are Jon?s ties. She did a wonderful job. So beautiful... Here is the link to the pics. They were too large to upload directly. https://www.dropbox.com/sc/cverd4k3afye5av/AAB9o0O3ywAOfyjdbl_-32-Ea

There is a fellow young widow (she used to be on ywbb.org) that doesn't wonderful legacy pillows and quilts. You can see her work on her website www.creatinggayle.com. I, myself, had her design a legacy quilt, a legacy pillow for myself (one I could lay my head on), and two accent pillows for my father in law and mother in law. The quality was wonderful, and in my mind worth the cost. If you want me to take some pics of the pillows she had created for me, I will gladly share them.

Hi, I'm MissingMyJon. My wonderful husband died almost a year ago, on April 30th suddenly and unexpectedly during the night in our bedroom. My beautiful, strong, healthy husband collapsed on the floor in the night from cardiac arrest. He had no symptoms prior. He was 28 when he passed. We were married just shy of 3 years, and only had 7 years together. I guess it was a good thing we jammed a lifetime of memories in those 7 years. Who knew. He was my second chance at bliss, as I had been a disastrous first marriage. Jon and I have a now 3 year old, and I have 3 kids from my previous marriage. After almost a year without Jon, I still wake up most mornings wondering how I got here, knowing in my mind this is my life, but still struggling with it in my heart. I was on ywbb, but didn't post much. I read mostly. Not everyone has the words to describe the insanity of widowhood. I am hoping to break out of my shell and spend more time writing as well as reading, growing with this community.