ieh21

It sounds like the community college might help her figure out her plan. If she takes a class, maybe the teacher will be a motivating factor, maybe inject a bit of realism into the whole dream. Or maybe it'll be a classmate who is really driven who will show her what it looks like to really want this career. At that age, my plan was to go to med school. Here it's possible without an undergrad. I applied to four schools and waited patiently. My accompanying letter sounded like "I want to be a doctor because I want to help people". I had good extra-curriculars and good grades, but no clear vision of anything other than "for sure I'll make it". My mom suggested kindly that I perhaps apply to another program. I scoffed and applied to a chemistry undergrad, without even giving it any thought. Guess where I was sitting the next fall? That's what it took me to force me to figure myself out, the med school rejection. And now, many years later, I think they did me a favour, I wouldn't have been a very good MD. In fact I never reapplied after chemistry. So yes we often have these vague dreams, these notions of things will happen because why not. And more often than not, we hit that moment of truth and readjust. Our parents can push, but they can't do it for us and for a large part, they have to watch it unfold and maybe keep us honest. I say all of this, and in 15 years, when it's my turn, feel free to send it all back to me!

Just to add to TooSoon's comments, I think we're also mistaken as parents if we believe that college (community or otherwise) is the only path. I would be shocked if my daughters decided to opt out of a higher education, but not everyone should/needs to get a college degree.

Here's another perspective: she's young and has a lot of time yet to find out what motivates her. The potential is there, and as long as you nurture it, as long as you offer her different choices, different ideas, she is likely to figure it out. Of course to be watching it unfold isn't easy and it is certainly scary. But tons of people are unmotivated, haven't found themselves, are struggling to be happy and well-adjusted at that age and they don't necessarily all drift forever. Maybe continuing to talk to someone else will help her, even if it doesn't yield immediate, visible results, it'll at least give her a chance to discuss things with someone who isn't you. Good luck, and congratulations to getting her to a point where all she's failing is gym.

Joe Biden just lost his adult son, Beau. I am crying about a stranger's son, a stranger's death. i'm not even American. But man, Joe Biden is my hero. His courage, his honesty about his grief for his late wife and child. And now losing another child, that's more than I can imagine surviving and when I see how amazing he remained, it's inspiring.

Who knew I would suck so much at Grade One? Turns out it was a much much tougher adjustment than kindergarten. If you think about it, they learn so much that is so fundamental, it's such a crucial learning experience, it boggles the mind. Not only do they have to learn to read and write and then some grammar. Plus basic mathematical principles. The whole "living in a big institution" thing is over, that was kindergarten, as was the "socialising with 20 kids at once and no, they can't all like you" phase. The academic learning almost killed me and I can already read and write and count. I wasn't ready for her to be anything but top percentile. I wasn't ready for her to be struggling with some concepts. I wasn't ready for her not to be motivated by the desire to accomplish a goal. I wasn't ready for any of that. Thankfully, she had an amazing teacher. A woman who, despite her young age, connected with the widowed mother. Understood that the anxieties were mine, that her primary target was me, not my daughter (who navigated the whole year quite well, who wasn't too bothered by her own difficulties and just kind of went with the flow and worked when asked to). She knew that when I emailed her in a panic, it was because there was no one else to talk to about Eldest DD's progress, she was the only one steeped in it as much as I am. She cared and understood my concerns and more importantly, she knew who to calm me the F*&#$ down by addressing the basis of my fears. (my mom's idea of calming me down when I was concerned that my daughter had trouble recognising certain numbers was to jump immediately to the "she's dyslexic" diagnosis which served only to get me further freaked out. She isn't. Just needed more time.) So in a nutshell, this school year can't end fast enough. I'll be better prepared next year. And I'll be better prepared for Youngest DD's arrival in first grade. I don't know, these children, they are so fantastic, so amazing, so precious, I feel all I am actively doing is screwing them up. Little by little chipping away at their perfection. (well, all's relative. Ask me how I feel about their perfection when they're not dressed after my fifth warning that we're in a hurry!)

Doing things unprompted, at our own pace, that seems the best way to go. This year, when I transitioned to summer clothes, I moved into most of his dresser drawers and left only one drawer for his socks. He bought socks in bulk, normal gym socks, and most of them he never wore. I have to say it's really weird, but the girls and I use them as hankerchiefs. They're soft and absorbent. And it's quite funny to see the youngest (4 years old), run into my room screaming "chaussettes de papa! Chaussettes de papa!" [Daddy's socks!] as she reaches for the bottom drawer with her dripping nose... I'm glad for you it wasn't quite as painful as you may have thought it would be.

I read those articles, and I was terrified. As a parent, I make decisions every day that could be criticised by other. Others could argue, if they were really felt strongly about these things, that I am putting my daughters in danger. For instance, I let them play in the yard without close supervision. Our yard is well away from the street but it's not fully enclosed. They are 4 and 7 and they know the rules. I am sure that a whole load of people here who are generally of benevolent opinion would be fearful of my behaviour. We don't all argree, that's fine. I don't need people to agree with me, I am confident in my parenting choices. I just need people to give me benefit of doubt. My fear is when people start involving the police, who seem to have no leeway whatsoever for use of common sense in these stories. Especially if there isn't a negative outcome. Stand by the car, rant at me, but don't criminalise my choices. My goal is to make my daughters into independent, adventurous people who are not afraid of risk. If I am there to assess risk for them, resolve their conflicts, how can they learn? But it's not clear-cut. The parents at Eldest DD's school wanted to get the English teacher fired. I resisted getting involved because they will have to face bad teachers, bad bosses, bad colleagues throughout their lives and they have to learn to deal with this while the consequences are limited. Having said this, my daughter speaks fluent English and has great grades. My attitude would have been different if the crappy teaching resulted in unfairly bad grades. So nothing should be dogmatic. Free-range helicopter.

Definitely a team effort. Good for both of you, enjoy the celebration!

We have two tvs that are largely unwatched. One of them is watched when I exercise and the other, when a sitter is there. All our media consumption goes through our iPads, of which we have two. The girls often watch a single iPad together.

I am amazed that any of our children have extra-curriculars at all. It's simply nuts. I totally get the feeling that the world is crumbling and you just can't stop it, despite the best acrobatic act. Sometimes the stars just do not align. I love that your daughter is aware enough to suggest quitting soccer. Seriously, you might not consider it a solution, fine, but the fact that she is empathetic enough to offer it, that's the proof of the great job you are doing, right there. Congratulations!

wow that sounds awful. Too much for one person, for sure. I could totally see why you'd feel overwhelmed. Focus on a few minutes at a time. There's no need to fear for how your children are turning out, because your children haven't turned out permanently into anything. You aren't in a situation that is permanent, just like the incoming storm, your life is temporary from the perspective a lifetime. the AC will be fixed, the storm's damage will be fixed. Your children will return to their true nature. However, some of these things will require more effort than others. Your children are taking advantage of a situation and perhaps you need to intervene one step more than yelling at them. I don't know what you do, I don't know anything, but I remember a bunch of tips given on YWBB for out of control children: removal of doors until behaviour changed, removal of objects from their room to be gained after they changed their tune. Someone had even had the courage to call the police in a particularly difficult situation. There are things you can do. You can take control of that, even if the rest of your shit isn't together. Your life being in shambles doesn't allow anyone to take advantage of you. Good luck. You can do this.

Over on Gawker.com there's a fantastic essay on single motherhood. We dont all like the term single parents, some prefer alone parent, but the context of the piece is that in which there is a complete absence of a second parent, just like for us. It's such a sweet essay, I encourage you to read it and its comments section (there are a few morons in there but it's a majority of people Lauding our efforts.) sometimes it's nice to get a pat on the back from strangers, anonymously. Happy Mothers' Day to all of us, the moms who are genetically moms and those who got handed the role by fate.

this is a long, meandering reply, it's a topic that cuts close to home today... Mom guilt is universal. It's a bad feeling that is absolutely not justified. The children aren't inflicting this guilt on us, we are doing it on our own. I think it's borne of too large a sense of control, i.e. we feel guilty why? Because we are somehow certain that our involvement makes ALL the difference, that it is not only crucial but indispensable. The truth is our children are much more a product of themselves, their genetics, their collective experiences, than they are a result of any of our direct actions. As a really small example: it doesn't matter who makes the lunch they pack, it matters that there is a lunch to be eaten. I am not saying that they don't care, or we don't matter, or aren't special, but when we start thinking that it's bad to be away from them, especially for something like work, then we rapidly spiral into a vortex of guilt that I find rather unhealthy. I also find it fundamentally sexist because I am pretty sure few men ever feel that their career goals, or their job choices should be reevaluated in this context. For instance, I am responsible for a project led by three high-flying doctors: two men and a woman. Their admin once joked to me : Lady Dr is crazy. She works like a maniac, she's home so rarely that her husband made a joke that soon her face will be on a missing person poster. The admin was disapproving of her behaviour and the extent of Lady Dr's absence from her family. My immediate response was "What about the two Guy Drs on this project? Home much, are they? Do we care about that? Do their wives also make that joke, or do they just figure it's the result of having married a superstar MD-researcher? Why are we piling on Lady Dr?" It was very telling to me, that we were criticising this woman for doing essentially what the two other colleagues were also doing. but beyond my feelings about gender roles and feminist theory, the truth is, even if you have a more conservative outlook on life in terms of gender roles, as a widow you have to be the carrier of both roles. So yes, you have to be the loving mom who does the carpool, but you ALSO have to be the hard-working provider who brings in the money. And it might help to take on a more traditionally "male" perspective on your career ambitions. Having said this, I suffer from guilt too. Acutely. I work 8:30-6. I have two shifts: I work from 8:30-5:30, then from 8:30-10pm at home. I am the last parent at daycare picking up the 4 year old. I drop off the 7 year old at school in the morning. The 7 year old has all her violin practice and homework overseen by our exceptional nanny. Except, as I have said here, our nanny doesn't speak French. So I have to correct homework and do spelling and reading exercises myself, later in the evening, when we are both exhausted. This hasn't worked out very well. And weekends, I am so tired or preoccupied that it's a huge effort for me to stay in the "parenting zone" and not inflict my professional stress on the children. I feel guilty pretty much ALL THE TIME. Sometimes, I joke that all I want is a job at Starbucks: easier hours and I can just hang up my apron at the end of the day and not worry about anything once at home. As it is, I have to rely on other people to help with things that I would like to be in charge of, parentally-speaking. Every difficulty my children encounter in their progress is, I feel, entirely my fault. The truth is this is excessive. My DD has trouble spelling. Even if I spent 3 hours a day helping her, she would probably still have problems with spelling. After all, even some kids who have stay-at-home moms have trouble spelling. She would still have to face that test on her own, alone. I am not magical. My being there doesn't suddenly resolve all problems. And by necessity, she gets to have to find her own solutions. When I am well-rested and optimistic, I tell myself I am providing them a good model of womanhood: I am showing them that my ambitions matter and they are pursued with a level of success that satisfies me and makes me proud. I am showing them that it's necessary to be resourcefull and to trust others with important aspects of our lives, that solutions come in all sorts of forms. And I am showing them, sometimes, that all of this doesn't mean I don't have moments of weakness. That it's not the moments of weakness that matter, it's how they get resolved. Make the decision about your career that you feel most comfortable with, from a personal point-of-view. Make it in the present, not with the perspective of what regret you might have in the future.

I love this! sometimes opportunities just come to us and push us not-so-gently forward. And I love that you're doing this with the help and support of your children, how amazing that they are working with you like this.

She sounds amazing. Texting without prompting, just knowing that it must have been hard. I have a few friends like this. A few times since Joe died I've broken down and declared my love to them. I can get a little emotional and I am always big on declarations and meaningful gestures. So once in a while, I will declare to these friends that they are like my family (I'm an only child). I love you like a sister. You are like a brother to me. People aren't used to these declarations of "friendship love". Despite the obvious depth of their friendship with me, they are usually kind of surprised and don't really know how to answer, other than to say "that is really lovely." One of my friends (also an older woman) knows exactly what I mean. She's in a similar situation: her husband had a stroke and she has to care for him. Her children all live in the US and are very busy with their own lives. So she too relies on her friends a lot, she too is constantly conflicted between caregiving and her other obligations (the same way I feel about my children and the rest of my life). She's the only one who always listens to my declaration and answers "I love you too, ieh21, like a sister".

I totally understand both feeling slightly alienated and resentful in that kind of situation. As time has gone by, I've been able to move beyond those feelings faster, but they are still there. Sometimes it's enough with the logistics. And sure, everything has a solution. But the sheer exhaustion from having to find them all the time: those solutions don't just appear. One thing goes differently than expected and all of a sudden, a few emails, a couple of phone calls, time wasted on organising. Yes, our situation IS different from other people's. And even amongst this group, people have different hurdles to face. Sure, everything is possible, but favours needs to be called in, money needs to be paid. Even simple things are not actually simple. And depending on your mood, this difference matters more or less. Even the most uninvolved husband or wife is a lot more involved than my dead spouse. And yes, our attitude to death is different now. I too bristle at the idea that my parents, on whom I rely A LOT, might die suddenly. I never used to be worried about anything, now I am a lot more aware of the possibility of people dying or falling ill. Yet, there's this sort of attitude toward death that is no longer one of reverence or fear, a pragmatic, detached attitude has replaced it. People talk about so-and-so in their 60s being ill and I immediately have to bite my tongue because my next comment is "Why is this surprising? People have to die." And likewise discussions about death and dying. There's no taboo about the process of dying anymore. I know how the song goes, it doesn't impress me, it doesn't scare me. So yeah, I can be very "in your face" about certain topics which most people shirk. And then I have to remember to be gentle with them again. Not everyone understands, because thankfully I am a statistical anomaly.

In the part of the world where I live, there are more people living together without being married than people who actually get married. So "separated" is the only way to describe the fact that you have broken-up a non-marriage type union. For sure, I don't usually date or expect much of men who were married and announce they are now separated, because you know, get a divorce, deal with your stuff and then we'll see about it. But it's kind of different if the person was never married in the first place. I didn't expect anything out of him, other than cheerful conversation and hopefully, if it all went well, a second date. That it didn't happen with *him* specifically doesn't bother me, Mizpah is right, it's a numbers' game. I am bemoaning in general my inability to get anyone to date me a second time, despite there being no obvious reasons to reject me that fast. It's how he *handled* it that I thought was inelegant. And cmf you're right, I have no idea what B told this guy, but framing it (if that's what happened) as this big tragedy that I had lived through, four years on, is not a reflection of reality at all. And who knows, maybe he just didn't like my shoes...

Joe's friend B set me up on a date. I had a big day at work yesterday, so I was exhausted by the time 6PM arrived, but I was dressed to the nines and I was certainly ready for a drink. The guy arrived, good-looking, we hit it off and to my great pleasure, I learned midway that he wasn't as young as he looked. My age, yeh! We're having a great time, we're laughing, telling interesting anecdotes about our work, our families, it felt right. Then, out of nowhere, he tells me that he's not sure about his ex, that his ex might be morphing into not so much his ex anymore. They split off a year ago for a break, now break's over and he's not that sure it should be an ex-relationship anymore. I give him a sympathetic grunt. We move on to another topic. Then I head out to the washroom and it kind of hit me. That was rude. I mean, sure, by all means be honest with me, but this is a date, not a random conversation at a party. There's an inherent goal to this meeting which is by definition entirely about seeing if we're attracted to one another. I'm not offended if I'm not his type, but making it that blatantly clear mid-way is kind of rude. And also, if you're not ready to date, don't waste my time by pretending to be. Don't use me as your litmus test. So I return to the table and ask him outright, but very neutrally "why are you here if you think you're getting back together with your ex?" He was taken aback, but didn't shirk. He likes to meet people; he wasn't sure what my own dating status was, given the tragedy I have been through (??); B told him I was a great person. I rallied and we had a nice end of date. We walked a block together and he started to tell me how busy his month of May was, that he'd be in touch etc. I'm standing there thinking "dude, why even bother pretending?? You essentially TOLD me that this was going nowhere". So I smiled, and we parted ways. I've not been on that many dates, half a dozen maybe? I generally enjoy the process. But what I find brutal is that I've never been on a second date. I'm not looking for marriage. I'm not looking for a dad for my daughters. I'm looking for a second date. And I find it kind of depressing that it seems like I am not interesting enough to anyone I meet to warrant another two hours of their time. I'm not necessarily taking this personally, i.e. I understand that it might have less to do with me and more to do with the person in front of me and that anyway, it's normal that I am not attractive to everyone I meet. Plus I wouldn't have wanted a second date with all of these guys either. I am sure I am a pretty good date. I can show interest in the most boring of jobs or hobby. I have a few funny stories to tell. And last night, I looked really good too! :-)

Yes, it's a transition. A really slow one in some cases. I am always in awe of those who throw it all out rapidly, to avoid the pain. My reaction was more like yours, but motivated by a desire to keep his presence in my life through his belongings. And also the proof that I was a wife (a status I actually really enjoyed and miss now that I am single.) I'm getting to a point where I do find it all a bit trying, to have his books in the shelves staring at me all the time, old shoes of mine in my closet because he really liked them even if I never wear them anymore. It feels like I am carrying his weight around, and it's difficult. So slowly I am starting again, keeping fewer things and it's much easier than I thought not to be attached to every object as a heavy symbol of his life. Sometimes a toothbrush is only a toothbrush. Good luck, it is not easy to find one's self in our 40s...

Looking at pictures of the devastation in Kathmandu. Watching a video of the base camp of Everet being wiped by the resulting avalanche. How do people move forward? I survived my own tragedy, but how can they? I had support, a house, the children. They have rubble and an entire city grieving at once. I will send money, but I cannot imagine that it will make an iota of difference to the people grieving right now.

I don't know what to do. I try so hard to keep calm. Not to let my stress turn into bad mood. To put a halt to the week and embrace the weekend. Nothing works. I am confronted all the time by ways in which being two would be easier. I get out of bed too late because I dont want to get up and make breakfasts. I want a bit of a lying in on weekend mornings. But then we're late because I gave myself that luxury and breakfast still needs Making. We go to swim classes, and I have to park the car illegally, get BOTH kids out, rush one into the locker room, out to the pool, rush back out with the second child to find parking. I want to buy a bike for one of them, dragging both to stores because no matter how much I shop online to prepare, things dont turn out as I need them to. Stupid stores open at noon on Sunday, stupid lineup to get the box with the bike I want after I've paid. There's always something. Tomorrow AM I have to drop off one at schoold, rush back home, get the summer tires and rush to the garage to drop it off. Then somehow get to work by ten. My life is lived in sequence. Never in parallel. And like an electrical circuit, One misfiring causes the whole circuit to shut down. One task after the other, never two done at once. Always rushing. Today at the register we saw a child having a meltdown. Eldest commented only babies have meltdowns. I said no. When I yell for no reason, when the lumberjack vocabulary comes out, I am having the same meltdown as the baby. She laughed. She was imagining me last night, when I was yelling at them for no reason, she was imagining me rolling on the bed howling like the baby at the cash register. I cant stand being alone anymore. It's too much work. I'm losing my sanity and my ability to be cheerful, one minute at a time.

Tableforone: The bed eating? I really should stop that though. Mileage varies, I find it particularly comforting to eat in bed. Think of breakfast in bed, or being a child with a cold and a parent bringing soup. You do have to watch for crumbs. And evidently, chocolate!

Hello. I am ieh21. I found YWBB a few months after my DH was diagnosed with cancer. I thought that finding resources and being prepared would help me, it usually does, but in that case, it actually backfired and I couldn't handle the talk here. When he died, an inevitability of having stage 4 lung cancer, I returned to YWBB and found it to be the most useful community I'd ever encountered, virtual or in person. Joe was diagnosed right after we found out I was pregnant with our second child. Fortunately, he responded well to Iressa, a once-daily pill, so we had a great summer. In September, he started coughing again, and really, it went downhill from there, very rapidly. We managed one last trip to NY, which we spent mostly indoors in the hotel room. But he was sick, I was pregnant, so it was paradise. After that it was really atrocious. I gave birth through a planned C-section that had nothing to do with the birthing plan and illusions of control I'd had with the first birth. This one was planned 24-hrs ahead after the oncologist told the obstetrician that Joe could stand by my side for a 30 min stretch. Now, he said, or maybe never. Joe got to meet his second daughter, which was in of itself a miracle. We'd been told that there was a chance he wouldn't make it. A few weeks later, the day before her baby naming (a Jewish ritual), he was hospitalised for pain management, a met was lodged in his spine and although he was willing to try a last ditch effort of spinal surgery to attempt dislodging the met, he never recovered and died a week later. It's been 4.5 years. I remember vividly calling all his friends, from close and from far, telling them to come see him NOW. And they were all there, some to see him alive for the last time, some to carry the casket into the grave. Life took over. I had two small children (still have them!) I came back to work to a promotion. I learned to rely on friends, on my parents. I learned to deal with my anger. I learned to use the strength that I showed surviving this ordeal to make myself stronger in other aspects of my life. Some days, I no longer even miss my old life. Don't think of it much. Other days, I feel the logistical difficulties of being alone very acutely. Sometimes I despair that my romantic potential will never be fulfilled. I was his partner and wife for ten years. It seems like a waste to be no one else's partner or wife for the rest of my life. Other times I am so happy with the loving family that we are, it seems that it's all I need. It's a roller coaster, but I have learned over the years that after each moment of crisis, there's a moment of calm. And I am now here, because this community still rocks.

It does sound like it's specific to the man. I had a friend who spent his early thirties trying to convince me he was different from all of us who were getting married. It caused him great pain, but he was convinced he wasn't cut out for marriage. Until he found the right person. One of my ex, same story, different focus. Kept telling me and his other ex that body image was super important to him, we had gained a bit of weight and we were promptly dumped. He was worried about being shallow, even as he definitely was. He ended up marrying a woman who is obese, loves her and has a life that he would never give up. We always think that there is something wrong with relationships, because it's so much easier that to admit that the relationship in front of us is wrong. And maybe in your case it's just wrong because people have different expectations. You've been taking care of many people for a long time. It's normal you don't want to take care of him, even in small ways like teaching him to camp. I think we might all be craving intimacy, but we also crave a shared workload. Because we're exhausted doing it on our own. And if there's not that payback in a relationship, is the intimacy worth it? I think that's the subtext. on top of that, you talk a lot about the Stepfords in your neighborhood. You are clearly not one of them. Yet from what you describe, it sounds like that may be what *he* wants. Housework means "taking out the trash". Shared responsibility means "I provide money". You know that this is not what you want, so if this relationship does indeed offer that vision of relationships, then it's not yours...

My Eldest is in grade one. She's doing fine, but has been struggling a lot more than expected with French (we're French-speakers). She had a hard time learning to read, now it's kind of OK, but she's also now having problems with spelling. The nanny who picks her up at the end of schooldays doesn't speak French so Eldest does her homework under her supervision and practices her weekly spelling words but when I get home, I have to do the testing of the spelling. what I realised recently is that she can spell the week's words by Thursday. Never an issue. I quizz and quizz and she gets the week's 5-6 words. But the spelling test on Friday encompasses all the words up until that week as well, and those, she totally sucks. It's like she forgets entirely words she learned 2 weeks ago. As a result her spelling test results are pretty bad. We had a long discussion yesterday so she could tell me what would motivate her. She isn't motivated by special perks, if I say "I'll give you a treat if you do well", she isn't motivated, she's actually negatively stressed. If I tell her "I will take away a treat if you don't do well", she still isn't super motivated, but at least she isn't as stressed. AFter trying a few ideas, we ascertained that if I told her "bottom line, you're getting this treat just for writing the spelling test. BUT for each work you write correctly, you will get an additional treat", apparently that works as motivation. So we'll do that. I am NOT a fan of giving out treats in exchange for performing well at school, but we're at the stage where I have to pull out all the stops. This is a temporary measure to make spelling a positive experience. My biggest problem is that I have no time. I rush home at 6:20, the two girls go to bed at 8. They need down time, the youngest and I need to eat dinner (the eldest eats before we get home, she is too hungry to wait.) So we do our best somewhere between 6:40-7:10, but any work I do with Eldest is interrupted by the Youngest. The Youngest is only 4, so it's not easy to shoo her away to do something else. I try, but she doesn't last long. Putting Youngest in front of the iPad to watch videos doesn't work either because Eldest feels it's very unfair and she sees the work with me as punishment (which has to be avoided.) I have this problem during the weekend too, since Youngest has stopped napping. So I cannot rely on just working hard with Eldest on Sunday afternoon. So with little time, and a small child requesting my attention, I really don't know what to do to increase my vigilance and help Eldest get through this difficult patch at school. She's very good, she doesn't resist having to work extra, but she's not very focused at the end of the day because they work them very hard during school hours, so she's exhausted by the time I get home. This also means I really can't just keep her up later to work with her at say, 8PM when Youngest is in bed. This is a lot of detail, sorry about that. No one can add hours to the day, and contemplating quitting my job to be a SAHM is just not feasible. It's not even possible for me to consider leaving work early. I feel very guilty because really, my children should be my focus and I feel like I'm not giving her the attention and help she needs to succeed. But that's the life I am leading and I can't see how it can change. Maybe if I hear some of your experiences and solutions to your own issues, that'll help?