Beyondlife

I love the sounds of trains at night. I have always lived where I can hear them, even as a child. The sound comforts me and makes me feel safe. Though I've never had one right behind me

I am sorry. It is just all so hard.

Thanks everyone. I really needed the support from you. Nobody quite understands why this is so scarey for me. Even though I always apppear to be in control and level headed, I question my decisions. Big sigh of relief. Love you all

Just made an offer on a place in Florida while I was on vacation! Problem - even though I decided to retire early (62) I wasn't going to do it until August due to having to pay my own medical insurance. My sister and I had a plan that after I retired, we would sell both our condos and move. We've been looking on Zillow and decided that this trip would be to check out towns on the gulf coast to see what places we can afford and see what the areas looked like. What we discovered was houses/condos in our price range were not in nice areas. We then went to the middle of the state to visit friends. We fell in love with a place and made an offer. It was accepted. Why I'm freaking: I am very cautious with my money and my life. I plan and stick with it. I didn't do this. I am not retired Between us, we will own 3 places - we are not in the financial bracket to do this All of our family is here is Michigan My cat beats up her dog Neither of us want to take our furniture and most of our home decor with us therefore we need 2 massive sales It is not the part of Florida I thought I wanted to be in I think I'm happy but I'm terrified of making such a huge change. Holy shit, Batman, what was I thinking?

Hey Crunches, I've missed you. Your wisdom and compassion always drew me to your posts. I am 5 yrs. 3 months. We grieved together a long time. Haven't dated so no words of advice here. I do know that your heart is huge and that you deserve every bit of love that comes your way. Big hugs

I've been mad for 5 years. I think I always will be

So happy you are going to do it this year! I know you've missed it. Sad we didn't do Rochester this year. I miss you!

Wouldn't that be the best thing ever?

with you my friend We need Oscars for being the best actors ever

I miss you No matter who we have in our life, or how good it is, we are allowed to miss and grieve for who and what we once had. I'm sorry you're having a tough day, but it's ok to have them. Hugs my friend

I bought potato chips on my way home from work. I do this alot. What makes these freak'n addictive?

5 years. I don't cry. Next to never. I feel empty inside and I think I've turned off my feeling button. Oh, wait. I feel anger, often. I am sad, lonely and lost too. I don't often think about feeling like that, it's become a part of me. And crying takes energy. I don't have any. I do the daily life goes on thing and I'm pretty good at it. I'm trying to find something in life that makes me happy and content (not just the moments of happy) haven't found it yet. You are so not alone with these feeling. Hugs

Grant died 5 yrs ago today. Been trying my hardest not to relive that day and focus on good memories. Decided to get lost in tv land. Really? Seriously? I get to watch Meredith relive hers?

The fear just come out when things like this happen. We think we have it all together and then .... Big hugs.

2 people, yes 2, said "I wish it had been my husband instead of yours. We don't even like each other" The second time I did respond " I wish it had been yours too" Previously very close friend "You'll be married again in a few months" Umm, I didn't marry Grant until I was 47. First for both of us. 5 years later I still haven't dated. Grant fell from a tree while hunting. Man at work said to my co-workers "He probably jumped just to get away from her" BTW, this is a man who, when he was very ill, I took food up to ICU for his family 3-4 times, took snuggly blankets, etc. When our boss scheduled a meeting with him, he quit. Ask me again why I don't like people?

I have no words.

yep. I used to be fun and active and fun. Now I am boring, I bore myself.

nope. Grant just breaks stuff. I think it's his way of reminding me that he could fix anything and I should have appreciated that more. I say a lot of "dammit Grant, you could have fixed this"

5 yrs in October. Yep, still in love with a dead man

exactly my life.

I would call my insurance company and ask. https://www.yahoo.com/autos/single-divorced-or-widowed-new-study-says-auto-125341307982.html

I miss it too. Have gone 2-3 times with a friend of his but just not the same. He didn't die on his bike but selling it was one of the hardest things I did. Spring is so hard when they all come out of storage and you hear and see them everywhere. Hugs

Alrighty then. I'm not always good at knowing if somebody just wants to vent, hopes for answers, needs some positivity. I go with my gut, sometimes my gut is wrong. Never intended to make someone feel worse, always hope to make them feel better and supported. This not knowing is why I rarely post, that, and not appreciating getting hands slapped when intentions are only good.

In my early days, I wanted to be Patrick Swayze and rip their throat out. Then I decided, "F", I am strong. My term now is "widow strong"