soloact

patswife, I'm sorry they hurt you. It was uncalled for and shows them up for what they are. This is not about you at all. Still it hurts. Mike's comment reminded me of a convo I had years ago with a cemetery secretary. She told me some of the things family members do after a death to be spiteful or continue a feud. The most common was serving a TRO on the cemetery office as the funeral procession is en route or at the gravesite. The cemetery has extra open graves for this type of problem and will contact the funeral home to advise or flag them down at the entrance if necessary to divert. The goal is to make this the least disruptive as possible to mourners. Process servers usually phone the cemetery to give a heads up and facilitate the rerouting. The one that was difficult to believe was a person who arrived after everything was over and fired a shot into the grave. People who are nuts during life continue to be nuts after the death. I'm very sorry this happened to you. You deserve much better.

whyme, you are most welcome here. I'm sorry that you need to be here but glad you found us. Please stop in to receive or give support when you want to. Welcome!

Steph, if the jurisdiction that probated his will did not require notification I don't think you have an obligation. I'm in a state that requires notification to anyone who would have inherited if the decedent was intestate. Seems you've done what was required. I respectfully suggest that you use your best judgement in this matter. If you feel there may be a hassle you don't need you have your reasons. Wishing you peace.

Rob, I'm sorry you are dealing with these issues. I wish you peace.

Sorry your family is dealing with so much loss. I was a long time caregiver. At first I was a companion/helper. Things progressed gradually and it was an easy adjustment for me. I think it was much more difficult for my husband. Caring for my husband was my sole focus. If someone referred me to a widow site I probably would have written them off as a nut or been outraged. After his death I was horrified by the insensitive people who thought I was relieved of a burden and could live my life. I wish I was still caring for him now. I don't wish for him to be ill but I loved him very much and miss him. The previous iteration of this site has sort of a bootleg dating site going on. Someone was trying to recruit me. The party finally gave up stating that it's too bad my husband spoiled me so much and that they couldn't see me in another romantic relationship. I was thinking who made you the gold standard of anything? I'm inclined to think people look for support when they need it. I'm not the gold standard of anything either so please take that with a pound of salt.

Steph, you are indeed normal. I'm inclined to agree that we don't actually heal from this loss. Time is needed to adapt to a life much different than what we chose. Time helps with that adaptation process. I still say up way too late some nights. Early on I was up every night. Life is different now. Not better than or as good as when he was with me but much better than the early grief. Your progress takes as long as it takes. Be good to you.

I never had any reason to doubt my husband. His best friend and wife invited me to Thanksgiving dinner three weeks after my husband died. Conversation was pleasant most of the visit. A dinner they tried to convince me that we wanted a loan. That was nuts in itself. They speculated he wanted money to give to another woman. I sat there wondering what kind of kooks would talk like this. They were unhappily married for decades each hoping to outlive the other. They finally divorced a several years later. The supercrazy part of this looney deal was that I was his 24 hour caregiver. If he had a woman I would have to transport him to her or open the door for her to visit here. When he was healthier we were only apart when he golfed. If someone could lure him from the links I would have asked for her autograph!

If you find happiness after this mell-of-a-hess we were toss into run to it!

That fruit on a stick fake floral arrangement was the worst. I was here alone. That delivery was the size of a small house. What goes on in people's minds? I put in it a large trash bag and then the freezer. It was gone on the first pickup day.

It's unfortunate that some people believe assisting a spouse is a hardship. It's what we do--that marriage thing. The funeral home that did my husband's arrangements also operated a home health supply store. We were customers of the home care store. I'm a big fan of prevention. I bought quite a few items as a result. The person who helped us in that store was wonderful. The funeral person was just a fool. I went to pick up my husband's ashes. Fool brought the urn to me, laughed and said "he'll be easier to lift now". Some people should not deal with the public. The gyn on an earlier post on this thread has the idiot championship. After that person all the others are tied or second place.

That's terrible. I doctor should have better bedside manner than that. Sorry that happened to you.

cathyr, the utilities are still in my husband's name. I didn't want to put out a sign that read home alone. Maybe that's nuts but it works for me.

Laurie, glad you're having fun with your new car! The car I have now has the button to start. The day I brought it home from the dealer the garage door would not open. I left the car in the drive and entered the garage through the man door. I put the paperwork from the transaction away before garaging the car. When I went out to the car I realized it was still running. I left it running in the driveway for fifteen minutes. My take was that neither the garage nor car thieves wanted it! The delivery specialist covered three things, BT pairing, radio presets and survey begging. I didn't have a clue about all the gismology. I hated that car before I got it home. Now I refer to it as an acquired taste. My kind mechanic went over all the things with me that the dealer didn't. Thank goodness for him. I spent so much time with the manual. More time with that manual than all my other cars put together. Lots of stuff was not functioning correctly. I take it to a different dealer for service.They worked out most of the bugs. As soon as the warranty is over next year it is my mechanic's baby. I have a vintage convertible that is my digital detox. Great topdown days are forecast in the eight day. I look forward to that. The season is so short. Have fun with your new ride. It's a great looking car!

Congrats Laurie! i love the color. Nice car. Enjoy!

I did the survey, too. I answered all questions honestly. I don't like having my time wasted by someone who is trying to pick my pocket. This is obviously the job description as it's not a one time incident. The lobby transactions are good when only a teller is involved. The same guy who wanted to know the milage on my car phoned a time or two previously. I recognized his insistent authoritative voice. He is a PITA. I'm revenue. He's expense. Until that relationship changes he needs to be cool.

I recommend saying I'm sorry. All bankers are not idiots. As is any field there is the quotient. The paid employee of the bank on this thread speaking to revenue seems to fit the description.

Bubu, I'm sorry you had to deal with that insensitivity. I have a theory that banking has a certain idiot quotient. I was there a month ago to transfer funds from savings to checking then pay real estate tax on my house. I personal banker did the transfer as it exceeded the daily limit. Conservative bank. I pay the tax at the teller widow for the date stamp. No confidence in USPS and/or county employees to post it on time. Twelve percent penalty if posted late. The personal banker asked what my husband does. I said he is deceased. How long? You own your house, right? It's yours- no mortgage? Good. What do you drive? How many miles? Obviously his job is to probe to learn of all investable assets so they can sell a financial product not in my interest and earn a hefty commission. They really should order a colon prep for the customer before one of those guys starts to talk.

T2B, some dealers will certify a car that has been wrecked. It is nuts out there. A PPI performed by a competent honest mechanic can save save a lot of headaches. Glad your son got the second key. They are pricy to have programmed at the dealer. With some models only the dealer or auto locksmith can cut the physical key. Too much gismology IMHO.

arneal, I agree with you on dealer service. I've kept cars forever by avoiding the dealer once the car is out of warranty. Locating a good honest mechanic is key. Thanks for correcting my CafFax omission. Service records are included if performed at a provider that reports to CarFax. My point was that some issues may be omitted as reporting is voluntary. I worded that badly. You made made things clear. Thanks for that!

Cash sales can work well. When you negotiate it's not necessary to let them know you are a cash buyer. Negotiate you best price first. They can learn the method of payment once the price is determined. I had one instance when a dealer pulled the sale after finally realizing it was a cash deal. No opportuity to make money on me at the back end. I left and bought a car somewhere else. They're all nuts! The place I bought tried to hard sell me a color I didn't want. Another dealer had two exactly like mine on the lot and one in transit priced to sell. Compare inventory on the I'net. TrueCar has a bar graph showing what same or similar cars are selling for in your area or nationally. They did the last time I looked anyway. You can beat the price TC indicates easily. It's a ceiling, not a floor.

T2B, the only thing I can add is that CarFax usually only has info reported by auto insurers regarding accidents. Reporting is voluntary so some info my not be on the CarFax. AutoCheck is supposed to be another good one. I have no direct experience as I did the dumb thing and bought new. Lost money while I was signing the title documents. I agree that a separate section for the trauma of buying a car could be helpful.

I've never leased a vehicle so I can't speak to that. There is something called money factor (I think) that is similar to interest rate on a purchase. So many things when we get a car. No wonder it's stressful. Laurie, I'm blessed with an honest, very competent mechanic. He did a PPI on a used car I almost bought. Good luck, Laurie when you go car shopping. Please post back and let us know how that is going. Wishing you a smooth transaction. arneal, you know how to do everything. Next time I'm taking you with me. I'm impressed!

Laurie, if you can arrange your financing in advance from your bank or credit union that helps. One less item for you at the dealer. Some car insurance companies offer GAP at a much lower cost than the dealer. They try to sell you all sorts of products and "protections" in the dealer's finance/business office. Most you can do without. It's a large profit center for the dealership. Car buying is stressful. There are so many ways to profit from our lack of negotiating skills. The sales person is a skilled negotiator. I'm am not. No way I will beat the house. Once I strike a deal and take delivery I don't discuss details with anyone. If I think it was a fair deal it was. No need to listen to the neighbor grind on that his cousin could have sold it to you for half price. lol There are a few car buying tips at this site. https://ficoforums.myfico.com Check the auto loan subforum. Good luck!

The car buying was a trip! I did that three years ago. Not fun. The first signed deal was a late model low milage used car. I was having a sensible shoes moment. They wasted three days fooling around. Told me the service recommended by my mechanic on PPI was done. I went to pickup the car for follow up PPI. Salesman started mumbling and lying all over again. I asked for the service slip to take to the mechanic. I blame everything on my mechanic and hide behind him shamelessly. He mumbled something about the printer. He finally appeared. The rear break rotors were turned not replaced as agreed. He disappeared someplace. A woman who looked like forty miles of bad road plopped down at the desk. She never introduced herself or addressed me by my name. She said she was there to help me with financing. lol. I told her to send over the used car manager. He came and wanted to start the title work! I told him to refund my deposit. I'm done. He gave me a tune that they don't have rotors in stock. I told him of three dealers within a twenty minute drive. Send a runner, get the rotors, do the service or refund. We did the refund. I bought a new car as per usual. The kid who was the sales consultant tried to change the numbers we agreed on via phone when we did the test drive. I wouldn't budge. He started to hard sell black. I was not buying black. He continued to hassle me. Finally I told him they can put me in a black one when I'm dead. He had a temper flare. Lol Why is it that a cash sale with no trade makes them think they can play with the numbers?

In the early days I did the same thing. It was selfish and I knew it. If I did something differently he would still have been there with me. The early grief is so cruel. Just today I thought of one now obvious thing I should have done. It's almost twelve years and those thought still happen. They don't paralyze me now. Still this widow thing is a B!