Sugarbell

((((Fleur))))) Oh I totally get this. I joined Ywbb in 2008...Now an oldie but not a with the group that started 5 years earlier on the board. I felt sad when ywbb closed too....all the history...my early days I would read all the old threads in Special Circunstances dating back to the beginning. The old threads helped me so much. And yet...a part of me was a little relieved that my history (and this is selfish) with all it's warts and mistakes will soon be lost in cyberspace forever. I kinda look at the new board as...for newer widows to take the reins and run it, contribute most to it...but us oldies to kinda stick around to help get it off the ground as well. I do find myself on here less...but especially with the Special Circunstances--want to help. The past few years I didn't post there much because well...I made peace with the suicide. But my heart breaks when I think of a desperate newbie who loses a spouse to suicide and there aren't many threads for them or people answering. So...the past few years on the board--it was socializing, dating stuff....planning bagos...but I am not going to respond or post much "fluff" on this board. Professional widows-it is just gross. I know of most the ones I am sure you are talking about. Good grief. I deleted them from FB when I started seeing the "make a career out of being a widow" start to transpire. Yeah...they will never admit it...but it's exactly what they are doing (as well as stroking there ego). Newbies-Stay away from these. Phony phony phony. But I tend to cut thru bullshit and can spot a Narcissist a mile away. Please stay.

My first two years I spent most of my time in the Special Circumstances forum. I related mostly to fellow SOS widows-because my husbands suicide was such a traumatic shock to me. I honestly could not wrap my head around it..I obsessed over it...reliving those 3 days he was missing...over and over...I had such a roller coaster of emotions...from despair to anger to rage fluctuating within hours of the day. At about 4 years out...I made peace with it...When we started communicating. Ben doesn't want to be remembered for his impulsive decision to take his own life. His mistake (and we all make them) was his final one. I remember now the man he was for the majority of our marriage-not the last few months of his life. Suicide is not his legacy. But it took years and a miracle from divine intervention to get to that point. The main advice I have to fellow SOSers is not to dismiss the trauma you've been dealt. (Especially if you witnessed the suicide or found the body). I thought I was a tough ass...and forged ahead...taking care of 3 tiny kids, dating way too soon...and masking my trauma/grief by developing a severe chronic addiction to various prescription medications that in the end almost killed me. After 7.5 years I have recovered from the trauma/grief...after 3 years clean..I have recovered from my addiction but work my recovery every single day. Get any help you need to get through this. You will recover and life will be beautiful again. But allow the gift of time to do it's job. Peace to anyone who finds themselves in this forum. I guess my post also falls under "Surviving a Suicide" as well.

Tubes were a godsend!! 1st son...chronic ear infections...starting at 2 months to 14 months. He got tubes put in very young-Had them for about 18 months. 2nd son-Chronic ear infections a little later (around age 2) Had tubes at age 3 1/2. Has them for 2 years. Neither son has had ear infections since. Daughter never had them. Also--None of my kids were breasted and none of them were in a home with cigarette smoke. I used to get so aggravated when people would ask if I smoked around them (I don't smoke period). The specialist told me it had more to do with genetics and an immature estaschian tubes than anything else (I had tubes as a child...my Dad had ear problems his whole life-He's 80 now and on his sixth set of tubes)

Ben and I --Wedding Day

Hello...I am Donell..known as Sugarbell on ywbb. My husband Ben died 7 1/2 years ago at the age of 34 to suicide-This week he would be turning 42. My 3 children were baby/toddler/preschooler when he died and are now wonderful 7, 10 and 12 year olds. The 4 of us kinda learned this new life together...but we are closer than I could've ever imagined now. (2 boys and a girl) I call Ben now my "spirit bud" because about 4 years out...we started communicating with each other-And the waves of questions and emotions that come with suicide were finally answered and we were both at peace. Everyone's journey and experiences are unique to them. We all find our own way vas there isn't a right or wrong way to do this widowhood stuff. Thanks again to the techno savvy members again!! This site looks amazing. I hope new folks find the peace and comfort here I did in my early days-That there are people out there that get what you are going through!! Peace and Love-D