Sugarbell

Crazy amounts of Nicorette gum. About 3 times more than I chewed pre widowhood. Like I put 2 pieces in my mouth at a time now. But I haven't picked back up smoking so I don't care. But it's getting expensive. No desire to try to wean myself off. It's one of my few vices I have left and I enjoy it.

All those beaches are nice! We usually take the ferry over to Kure Beach to the NC aquarium when we are there. Oak Island was actually my first solo vacation traveling with kids in 2010.

Tracey you and your son deserve peace.. I know It's eaSy for me from the outside saying leave when I don't know all the aspects of your situation. But it does sound like a few of your friends from herw do and are willing to help-Please take them up on it. Fear and shame is what is keeling you in this mess. Those are powerful emotions with fear being the biggie. I promise you when you get out of this you wlill feel the weight of the world lifted. For a few weeks it will be an adjustment....even bad habits take an adjustment period. But once you pass it you will slowly feel empowered and begin to take your own identity back. You have lots of people here who care. My toxic ex also read all my posts On here...amongst other violations of privacy.

First off (((((((Hugs)))))) I remember reading this about your situation.a while back. The biggie with me....are his comments about your child and 2/3 of the bills. What kind of marriage is that? I was married to a disaster for 6 months in 2011...I filed and did the paperwork myself as well as my legal name changed back. No lawyers...the whole thing (divorce) took 6 weeks and cost only 200.00 I had to own my mistake....to my kids, family, friends. Neighbors. Honestly now....the majority of people have forgotten about that mess. It was one of the scariest but gutsiest things I have ever done. But if I would've stayed I am sure I would be dead by now (not physically abusive but emotionally. We were both addicts and my drug use got worse by the week just to cope) Hugs!!!!

Shit serpico you are in quite the mood. ;D I don't care if people call me stupid for doing those things-shoot my 12 year old says it's stupid and I am stupid for doing it. His opinion his right. I think the "Gods plan" and saying it is stupid. I wouldn't express that IRL...cause well I get along with everyone and try to be the peacemaker in my real life world. But obviously my energy stuff struck a chord with you in previous posts. lol. I rarely remember anything most people discuss in posts. I am flattered. 8) Wishing you a peaceful day

Oh shoot I am not offended serpico. I still stand by that they are stupid. I mean I realize we have much better adjectives to use....but IMO stupid in this case is justifies. Why would someone think that children losing a parent..us losing a spouse to accidents, suicide. Sudden and long term illness be part of Gods plan??? And it's one thing to believe it but then to verbalized to the person grieving??? That's just plain stupid.

I understand. The work environment would get to me...I would have to zone out all the time. Lol Yes...DHs death changed my views on organized religion. I grew up Methodist and was very active as an adult in the Methodist church. But I never dug deep until his death. I still go to my church-but it's for my kids...Thw Sunday structure is good..good youth group, church camps, etc. personally I get nothing out of going on Sunday morning. I still consider myself Christian...because I love Jesus...think he's a cool dude and choose to believe he's the Son of God. Even if I am wrong and he's not the Son of God...my life is better following his teachings. But the church judgmental shit I can't stand. I get my spirituality outside in nature. Some of my beliefs fall into the Wiccan and Buddist religion some Christian. Basically I think they are all right. It's not a one size fits all thing. I do not express this IRL...Bible belt and I just can't. I work my spirituality daily...but religion no. So my experience made me less religious and more spiritual. So much of organized religion is man made. Depending on which church and opinions of the congregation you go to. And how they choose to selectifully cheery pick parts out of the Bible to follow according to there needs. Hope that sorta makes sense. I believe in good and evil. Light and dark. Not all the mumbojumbo some churches try to get into.

Yes. The past 6 months I feel like I work harder one on one with my kids....and especially my 12 year old. He loves yard work, landscaping, going to Lowes. That's become our thing-just me and him. He needs the time more with me. He's also been hanging out with Playboy Neighbor and he has hired him for yard, deck jobs on weekends. I have a 10 1/2 year old who has also hit puberty...and craves one on one too and hates yardwork and gets jealous. So with him....it's sports...he's the all star athlete and I do watch him one on one more with his sports. And we talk more now too. And y'all are right...my 7 year old daughter is now the most independent and is still quite happy entertaining herself with her books, dance and artistic endeavors. I know the time will come when drama starts. I worry about my oldest with drugs. He's very curious and kids talk about it. So we talk now a lot! And he's the high maintenance one that I always keep busy and spend more time talking to. I was not this exhausted 2 yrs ago with him. Now it's constant but he's a good kid and I want it to stay that way. It's just not easy. Find what interests them and become interested and do those things together.

Shit people are stupid. Random horrific things/death happen to good people. Period. It's not part of some grandiose plan. And I am a liberal Christian...I do believe in occasional miracles...but I also believe the majority of things that happen on Earth are just random...No rhyme or reason. God helps me cope with the cards life deals out....But he doesn't sit around making people sick or in accidents, etc as part of a divine plan. That's just horseshit. Stupid people.

We usually go to Oak Island in NC in August/Sept...After the rates drop...ocean front 3 bedroom condos are very affordable. It's quiet there...but it's the least expensive and quietest beach I have found. I also love the shops in Southport! I would be interested

End of -April not May

We meet in Charleston (capital) end of May. I am driving down (100 miles away) with 2 of DHs friends who have been instrumental with the OODW in town. I have been asked if I would be interested on being on the Board of Directors. Told them I would think about it. Not sure. Suicide work (prevention, education) has been on the back burner with me for the past couple of years. My gut isn't telling me yes or no. Maybe it will come to me in the next few weeks. I didn't lots of work in my earlier years-but now not sure it's still in me.

Right now I hate 2 of the Stepford wives in my sons 6th grade class. They go on a week long outdoor classroom field trip to the mts. I am a chaperone cause I love this part of the state. Never thought these 2 women would go. They are (can't leave there boys for a week...Hello my kids have been going to camp for a week alone since 2nd grade) Anyhow...already starting the Juevenille mean girl shit. And they are afraid of everything outdoors. I am teaching canoe...no other female will do it. Seriously need a few joints to get through this week to keep me all calm with nature in my happy place (I don't even smoke pot) Hmph

Ok guys....It looks like Adventures on the Gorge in Fayetteville WV would be the best bet. I am thinking anytime after July 10-August 10th. Like 2 nights/3 days. Now....do you want me to book like a 2 day Upper New Trip (either camping in already standing tents or bunkhouses) Or...Do you want to let everyone depending on their interests just pick own adventures and different groups go and meet up each day for dinner, etc. They have 4 bedroom deluxe cabins..sleeps 10...or if families/couples/individuals chose pick there own. It all falls under Advenrures on the Gorge Resprt-It has several good restaurants, pubs on site. I guess I am thinking if some people make the drive and they are thrill seekers they would rather do the Gauley (must be over 16-It's tough) or Lower New...They also have amazing tree too canopy tours, zip lines, kayak, duckies, paintball, guided rock climbing, hiking, mountain biking, paddle boards, fly fishing. Some may want to just hang by the pool. Guess I am trying to figure out-if everyone wants to do the same adventures-or depending on your interests. (I am a thrill seeker myself-but I will have a 7 year old with me..so I am more limited) This really is one of the most beautiful sections of the state. This resort is new and looks amazing. Thoughts?

I can't remember responses....but hands down the craziest date I have EVER (counting college) been on was with the 31 year old stripping principal. OMG...I still laugh about him flexing his muscles and looking at himself strip in the mirror. (I don't know if he thought I was an over sexed middle age woman who would think this is hot or what) It was the height of my no sex for 2 1/2 yrs. I ended up laughing at him and said "Your a nice kid and all but you really need to calm yourself down" He was quite the weirdo.

7 1/2 years.....Best way to sum it up a journey... In a nutshell....spent first 4 years playing victim. Became an RX drug addict because well I couldn't cope with death, suicide, raising 3 kids. Oh I forged on...took care of things...but didn't really live. Some is a blur...Went through diversions with men (meaning dating 3 months). Had a 6 month marriage..Overdoses twice...flatlined once. Then I hit my rock bottom...at 4 years I was lower than I was when I first was widowed. Spiritual awakening-Saved and Changed my life...That was 3 years ago. Been clean ever since. Live everyday like it's my last. Travel, throw myself into my kids, redid my house, reconnected with old friends....studies religions, spirituality, meditation...trying to figure out my spiritual experience. Threw myself into career. I guess the past 3 years has been rebuilding at lightening speed. To make up for 4 years of just insanity. I feel whole again. I feel happy. I am dating a great guy...but I felt complete and whole before I met him. (Which I refused to date for several years until I got to that point). Never wanted to be in a relationship again starting out broken. He knows my whole story..he gets it. So it's been a long process for me-But now it's so worth it.

I was a wreck the first time I traveled alone with my kids. Now I love it....And we always bond and make funny memories. Always a story. So glad you all enjoyed yourselves!!!

Ok...Here is first option... 2 Day Trip down the Upper New River (it's an easy one and the only ore approved for all ages)...All meals are included and we have a guide. You can either camp in Platform Tents (tent is already set up just bring sleeping bag-sleep on a cot) or stay in cottages/cabins (electric, nice all amenities) Those prices are for 2 days platform camping all meals-150 per person Cottages Are from 225-300 per person depending on how nice you want. They also have packages with zip lining, rock climbing, climbing the bridge, airplane rides-but it's more costly if you spilt activities (like zip line a day then white water raft a day) Those who want more upscale can stay at the resort (pools, bars, casinos)...But when I travel with my kids I tend to be cheap and camp. I am waiting on package prices for Hocking Hills Ohio -which they have really nice huge 8br chalets if we wanted to stay as a group or individual chalets. Zip lining and canoeing kayaking. Other option is Harpers Ferry-Eastern Panhandle which is closer for PA peeps. Hocking Hills closer for Ohio peeps. New River about the same for all of us (but it's really pretty) Just throwing these out-Don't want to scare anyone off with the platform tent camping Lol

That is beautiful. He's definitely been a blessing...but I can't take much credit for it. My younger two...I feel I have influenced..but not him. My middle son..he's taught me what it's like to raise a typical little boy. My daughter a girl. My oldest was an adult by age 2....before he Dad died he was keeping things straight. I remember when I first lost DH...and had 3 tiny kids...thinking "I will be OK...I have D here" D was only 4 1/2 at the time. He's far from perfect...can be downright bossy. Raising a 60yr old man trapped in a little boys body has presented challenges. But he's truly a gift....everyone in this house has always felt safer with him here.

My 12 year old is quite the maintenance/handy man at our house. In fact...he's better at fixing stuff than many adult men. I have been dating new guy friend for 6 months. We are exclusive-he gets me..I get him...we are both busy and independent-he lives an hour away...Neither of us have any desire to move/uproot ourselves...We like our lives. Everyone including demanding daughter is happy. She now likes him...because he doesn't cramp her world. So....my son was helping me get stuff out of the attic and he says "Yeah Mom...I have six more years at home before I leave for college-Then you may have to find yourself a husband to help you out with all this stuff" He nailed it. My world feels connected and together-but he helps with traditional male things. And I am his Mom...so I am still in charge. I really think without my oldest son (not meaning to sound weird) I would feel more of a need for a house partner. So I am enjoying have a lover..an exclusive friend who I care a lot about. But have no desire to totally mesh worlds/lives....Not yet. The cool thing is...he's on the exact same page.

Campfire...now watching Mountain Monsters on Destination -America-my daughters favorite show (these guys are from this area-I got 3 of them coming to my kids birthday party) Sons downstairs with my guy friend watching UK in basketball. Living on the wild side in my neck of the woods!

((((((Big hugs Marian)))))

Going to brag on my 7 year kid again! She rode 4 hours thru the mountains one way last night...spent 3 hours at my friends visitation....had dinner late...Today she sat thru a 90 minute funeral....and my gabbing to friends afterwards..another 4 hour ride home..then sat thru a baseball game. Her older brother could have never sat that long. I was so proud of her behavior!

(((((hugs)))))) I understand your pain...DH died from suicide and we had a lot of unresolved issues when he died. It took me years to get over that anger (emotional roller coaster) I suppressed it from my kids (well most of it)...but used pills to suppress it. Like I said it took me years. Please don't feel guilty about feeling angry...they are your feeling and valid for you. In time...it will lessen and soften. Try to do things that nurture your soul-that don't involve thinking of DH or even things with kids. Do nurturing for just you. It will help soften the anger and quiet your soul. Or write it out just like you are doing. You are allowed to write out angry posts....it can be therapeutic (my early days posts on the old board...they were full of venom) We all come from different experiences..and they shape how we grieve.

Oh yeah...wicked sense of humor and sarcasm (like that some people would find offensive) I love!! And it's attractive....someone who can keep up with me and sarcastically put me in my place. (And me put them in place) I adore! I don't want a "Yes" guy....but a man who challenges me and vice versa. And new guy is the shortest (5'11) man I have ever had a relationship with. And I am not into cut up muscle type (in shape but not muscles) but his mind, drive, wit...sex appeal...over shadows it. It's chemistry basically....it comes it all different packages. But past the initial chemistry comes the depth...that's what reels me in.