Sugarbell

Yes. The couple and shallow friends suddenly reappeared during the 6 months I was married (2011). But that's when it hit me that outside of being "coupled" and having kids close in age we had nothing in common. My new set of friends I have reconnected with are all divorced or never married. Our friendship is based on commonalities, interests, etc..Not who we are dating. Actually all of us are dating someone now...but we leave men and kids out of our friendship (some have no children some have as many as 4) I am still polite when I see my old couple friends...and it's forced interaction because of kids activities. But honestly I find them quite boring. They just gossip about local people and really have nothing interesting to say (besides adult gossip and gossiping about others kids)... I tend to smile and now stay away...Don't want any part of that negativity. Plus I don't think they are too bright. Or maybe book smart...but certainly not world smart. Yeah...that experience has been one of many aspects of this grabs social experiment called widowhood.

I have read a lot about dreams ever the past 8 years. For the most part....I think they are just dreams...memories buried in our subconscious that may present themselves randomly and can be triggered by good or bad moments. I dream almost nightly...about anything (Lucid and I remember them) I have only had 3 visitation dreams in my life. 1999- My Grandma-telling me where to find an old wedding quilt she made and stories about her dead brother who died in WWI 2001- My great Grandna-Giving me messages to go take care of my great aunt 2012-DH telling me I was going to die in a few days if I didn't get clean....that it was in the book....he said I was getting a gift...of him coming to me and that the kids couldn't wv left as orphans This was part of his redemption. And I dreamed about DH a lot in early years....but none were visitation dreams. From my understanding true visitation dreams have an important message that want you to know. No clue I'd it's correct or not......just what I have learned.

Things are not any better. My weekend...Friday night. 2 games on Sat and 2 games on Sunday will be with all 4 of them and crazy brother. I appreciate them wanting to support the kids....but I know neither set had their parents every fucking weekend smothering them. There parents lives hours aw away...we only saw my grandparents once or twice a year. My folks and the inlaws had a life!!! And I know crazy brother living at home only working 2 days a week makes it worse. (He's my Moms golden child-always had different expectations for me and him.)...He wants entertained and takes these games way to seriously. Gives me a headache and ruins the enjoyment of just watching my kids play. And yea....I still get resentful thinking "Where the hell were you all those years of Tball and coach pitch? When they were tiny and I was lugging a baby around doing this shit? Oh that's right...nowhere. Cause the boys weren't athletic superstars then and it wasn't an ego stroke" No one texts....so schedule change I have to call.....or they blow my phone up calling all night. Just venting...no solution. I have tried to discuss this with my Mom (my Dad gets it) she gets very defensive and the golden child can do no wrong. The inlaws-lost cause (it's all about boasting and bragging) I mean there son killed himself...I went off on them in my early days. No change. They are in there 70s not going to change now. New guy friend is just going to have to meet them this weekend (I have been juggling him because my family (brother) is crazy and who knows how he will act when he meets new guy). Totally stressful and screwed up. Swear I dream about running away deep into the mountains almost daily.

Maybe you are just tired with everything on your plate. And don't really have the energy/time to give much more with guy friend. He sounds sweet and sounds like he's giving you space. He's being considerate. I would accept the friend request...what's it going to hurt? Sounds like you all are becoming good friends...maybe Sonething more will hPken maybe not. So no...I don't think it's that your are emotionally unavailBle...maybe just juggling a lot and no wanting to take on more than you can handle right now. It's tough I know.

He's slick and smart....We have cooled things down a little...he's not interested in anyone else nor am I. He even said to me "I know I am your first relationship since you got clean after your long break and you are still getting used to the ideA". He's been single for 15 years...but has had relationships....but wouldn't totally commit. He was used to being the player (and admitted that 2 were married women years ago...but it was easier cause they would always leave, expected nothing and kept it quiet. I don't judge that was years ago..and I certainly am no Angel in my past. And he knows I don't want to get married anytime soon (like for a decade lol)... Time will tell. Back to turtle slow.

Uh Barney.....I watched the pilot last night....in one episode Hank successfully had sex with 4 hot women including one that was only 16. His ex wife's new financee daughter. And he still has chemistry with his ex. Please do share if this is what you have been up to. So yeah....if you are like Hank...you're an asshole. 8) Plus we want to hear the dirt. If you just don't give a shit like Hank....naw not an asshole...Just a mellow cool dude.

You can always share with us!!! Way to go!!! Proud of both of you.

I think if I wasn't taking care of 3 young people and all the shuttling around, meals, laundry, cleaning, yard work, bills, health insurance and trying to keep a full time job I might feel differently. Not to mention dealing with 2 full sets of grandparents and a crazy brother that are here every weekend and I get to play diplomat. I am tapped out in that department. I am independent...I like my men independent. It's a rare thing to find around here I am learning.

Yes!! I was thinking that too...The top of the pyramid is self actualization and that's what I have been working towards. So it didn't make sense to me that if sex is a bottom pyramid need...how can I be striving for the top. He's not over obnoxious about money..His Mom became widowed when he was 7...with 6 kids so he grew up rough. But he does use it in subtle ways. (he's one of the head financial officers are a large university...and repeatedly let's me know that kids/step kids go tuition free...Yeah...me with 3 kids...of course I worry about sending them to college-Of course he's at an Ohio school and my kids may want to go to WV school anyway) He picked up that I wasn't impressed with the sports cars (just not me) So he buys a beefy truck. And he's an hour away which is nice... But I don't want to be a housewife. I don't like to cook or wait on an adult man. DH and I....our relationship was not that way at all. My Mom and Dad were not that way at all. I assumed all marriages were that way. It's been a rude awakening the past 7 years....that it isn't the norm. Traditional roles still exist with many households. And I really to want to do a traveling bago on the groovy bus. It sleeps at least 8!

Everytime I try to back : away my phone crashes. Seriously...I have been through more phone cords chargers than I can count. About a month ago I went back to phone store and they sold me 2 more cords equipped better for the IPhone 5/6 Like when I charge it...it shows up that the cord isn't charging the phone when it's plugged in. Every single time. My energy field is screwy and drains my phone and other electronics....but the phone is the most noticeable. Told him I need time...there is no one else. He knows I am weird. Lol My girlfriend last night just wants me to keep having sex (my 2.5 year celibate stage worried her) She said "It's on Maslows pyramid...it's a basic need line water and food" But my close friends are weird too like me.

And I do think it works for some folks...please don't think I believe that for everyone. Marriage/commitment is work...and people should compromise to make it work. Just my post widowhood experience it didn't. Listen to your gut.

We could start a commune and pick people up as we go. lol They do have a plot of land in Northern Cali for communal living started in the 60s. At least the documentary of Netflix made ne think they did.

Boogie Shoes!

Maybe he will give me a deal on the bus?? Y'all think I am joking.... And we could blare disco music as we travel from town to town! My daughter would love it. My sons would be absolutely mortified.

I will be honest here....my experience....No...It got worse. That said...I know I am in a different stage of my life than I was when I met DH. I am not a single jet setting corporate mid twenty something. Now a middle age anti corporate Mom of 3 life is quite different. DH was far from perfect....the last 6 months of his life were downright horrific at times. But as a whole...we were totally compatible. Same careers, same background, same interests, same risk taking behaviors (not always good)... But he got me and I got him. And even after 10 years together....we were both still intensely attracted to each other. Even the last 6 months of his life...when he was nothing short of a demon walking on earth...I still thought he was the best looking dude I had ever seen. But life is different now...I am trying to over look things and realize that things will never be as they were. Live in the here and now. But I will be blunt....every guy I have dated/been with....in the back of my mind subconsciously I am thinking "I am settling" But remember.....I am in a rural area and pickings are slim here..the older I get the worse it becomes.

Serpico-I don't need ((((Hugs)))).....Think I need a swift kick in the ass! Because I am wimpy at ending things :-[ And I am aggravated at myself that I let this happen. But my kids aren't attached....things are stable...just don't like hurting people. Cause he is a great person...I just don't think he's great for me. Hijacking the bus sounds fun!!!!! It's pretty greyhound 70s. Only 8m per gallon...but that would be fun!!!! Even my boys said when they saw this thing parked at a campground "Uh....Why does he have that thing if he's not going to drive it?"

He drains my energy. Home repair.....he acted like he could fix anything....paid someone finally to fix my toilet and dishwasher. Bought new dryer. He tore some kind of piping out of the basement ceiling... Said he could help replace the drop ceiling in the basement...my 12yr old ended up doing it. I don't care so much that he can't do those things....but don't act like you can when you can't. I know he was trying to impress me but the real person always comes out. I used to be that way....now I am upfront from the beginning. Oh and acted like he was an outdoorsmen....has never camped. Wants me to show him how. Shit...I know the outcome here......but I suck at this!!! Good sex and money only go so far (I know it bugs him that I don't care about money...)

The bus has beds, kitchen etc in it. lol...It's a greyhound bus from the 70s. So I say "Ok....let's take the bus and travel cross country we can park it at campgrounds for the night...shower, etc. he says it's too hard on gas (well duh)...So I say "Sell it". But he doesn't. Still pays a mortgage on an empty house (been empty for 2 years) Hasn't tried to sell it. I don't want to tear him apart...he's nice....treats us well...But now....well I am seeing the handwriting on the wall and freaking out a bit.

It bothered me too when he pulled up to the house noticed the yard (my son and I do yard work/landscaping as a hobby) and said "Yeah if we ever lived together I would let you do all the yard work...you're much better at it than me. I will just take care of the inside" He doesn't clean much either..WTF? It's an innocent compliment...but red flags went off that I would be doing more work if we were living together. He also goes on about how I am a practical stabilizing force for him. Again I read that as "Take care of me" He owns two homes....but one sits empty and he hasn't even tried to sell it. He hates yard work but bought a beautiful flat 5 acre lot his new home is on. He owns 2 sports cars....but on a whim last week bought a huge 6 seater truck. And he's got this bus...yes a greyhound bus parked at a campground that he renovated when his daughter played travel ball...but now doesn't use it and it sits there. And he pays to keep it parked there but won't sell it. Makes really good money--but I think he spends it as quick as he makes it. His soul is good-he's a good person....but I don't want to take care of another person right now...my plate is too full. And the more I pull back the more clingy he's becoming (a side I have not seen till now) This is why I think you gotta give this shit time....first 3-6 months is always unicorns and rainbows. It takes a while to really know someone.

He's a great guy....but I feel myself pulling back. And I wonder if I have been doing this so long that I don't want to have another person "need" me to much. It's been since a party I went to with him last weekend. It was 2 hours away...murder mystery/costume...I agreed to go last month...I was busy that morning with sports stuff....but I know relationships are compromises....ended up getting up at 7am next morning...driving 2 hours home...then full day of sports/grandparents while feeling like crap. Of course he went home and slept all day. I like doing my own thing....I become more and more free spirited....There isn't anyone else....just not sure I am cut out for the full fledged compromise/work of a relationship. Not ending it.....just trying to subtlety out the brakes on. And it truly isn't him....I am afraid I would be this way with anyone. Ugh.

A

Gawd.. My Momna always said if you want to be known as an expert in something....speak at an out of town event and carry an expensive briefcase (she was one of those National Education speakers on the circuit in the 70s and 80s) Guess she forgot to add must have a ridiculous anagram for a made up behavior. Should've held up a sign STFU!!! ;D

Oh yeah...LB...I am bringing all 3 of mine! That's why we are doing the Upper New...cause you only have to be 6 yrs of age. Lower New I think is 10...Gauley is 16. But they have paintball, zip lines, mt biking, rock climbing, wAter rides. Really it's a cool place for all ages. You can hang out and cocktail all day by the lake or do adventures. I think some others are bringing kids....and some just as singles or with significant other. I think this place can appeal to just about all ages.

Ok guys....after going through kids schedules, camps, etc. looks like the first week in August works best here. Weekend of August 7th, 8th and 9th??--2 nights 3 nights These 2 sister outdoor recreation resorts are on the gorge Adventures on the Gorge 219 Chestnut road Land sing WV 888 406 4679 Ace Adventure Resort 1 Concho Road Minded WV 304 469 2651 I plan to camp both nights...they have free standing platform tents...rate is 15.00 per person They also have "group" tents...which are pretty much 2 4 person tents like under the same shelter. And lots of cabins, deluxe cabins, etc I suggest those interested look at these 2 resorts via FB. They give pics, details, videos of all the types of adventures. Ace adventure has a huge lake with lots of kids slides, inflatable, etc. Adventure on the Gorge has the pool/resort. Cheapest way to go is the 2 day upper new trip (camping)...But I want to make sure everyone sees everything they can do down there before confirming a group for Upper New River. I want it to be worth your trip and make sure your group, family gets to do what they really want to do if forking out the $$$$ Basically trying to Appeal to all groups here. Y'all will love this place!!!

Good for you!! Over the years...I have found that my neighbors were the ones who were always there to help. You and your son are right in front of them....they will enjoy watching him grow up. Single tall male neighbors are a plus too! I still adore Playboy Neighbor and he's given my 12 year old lots of odd jobs to do while he's gone for $$$