Sugarbell

Sold 18 months ago..started prepping hoise about 5 months before. Wanted to sell as is. My house needed a ton of work. (Down to new bathrooms and new roof)..I got low balled a few times..but didn't take the offer (like they offered a 3rd of what the house was worth). Did end up sinking 30K into house..did everything neutral but high quality. Ended up getting triple the asking price compared to the lowball offers so it was worth it. And was only on the market 2 days before in contract. Having an empty house just cost you money. Price it right...but definitely its value. My realtor wanted me to go 10K higher...but in my area houses are on the market for years..then they come down and sell eventually. But stay firm..I refused to negotiate my asking price because I knew it was a good deal. My only regret is I wished I would have just sold it myself. (The opposite of what you are hearing).. A good real estate attorney runs about 1500-2000 but is cheaper than the 6 percent cut realtors get.

Wow. This is informative to me if I ever get married again. SOS..3 kids under age 5.. Sudden..nothing prepared..No wonder I was a raging bitch for 2 years..I didn't start grieving until year 3. Sorry to hijack-carry on.

Ok..I'm a decade out...but this is something I found unique with being a survivor of suicide. This rarely comes up now in my life..but if it doesn't with strangers I'm much more politically correct (which I was not at all in my early years ) now if asked how he died I say "it was a sudden violent death" or "he took his own life".. Usually when I say it in a lower voice with a stare they change the subject. Now my early days...it seemed I got invasive questions all the time. I was so angry inside I handled it with anger and sarcasm.. Some questions I got "was he depressed?" Answer:Not he felt fabulous..what do you think? "Why did he do it?"... answer : Guess he had a bad day dumbass. "how did he do it?" answer: Bought a gun, amo and blew his brains out. "Do you know why he did it?"- No..do you? Usually these answers would shut them up. If they kept pressing I would ask "Are you asking outta concern or sheet nosiness?" Sorry to be so blunt..That's how I handled it early on ..😣

That's rude in my opinion unless it's an emergency. Etc. But he has to be the one to shut it down. Sometimes yes it's necessary..especially with kids involved... But outside of that..he owes her nothing. They are divorced. They both financially went through the nightmare of divorcing. Only to argue via text? In your presence??No no no. But make him think it's his idea to shut it down...

I hear you and I get it. So many things I wish I would've done differently my first 4.5 years..looking back not sure how I survived (3 kids under 5 and a major pill addiction).. Bens death was a major "life detour" for me. At 46... Just starting my teaching career (and this year is killing me with the class from Hell). It's good to get those thoughts outta our head. I'm on Day 4 this week of snow days..LaSt week we had 3 snow days. Ugh!

Yup. Really..I’m at the point when he has his daughter..I would rather just give them time together. It seems though..it’s usually all 4 kids hanging out together..with her Mother calling every hour and his daughter flip flopping. Hope this isn’t the beginning of the end...really really like him...but putting up some boundaries as far as my kids. And my kids adore him..but when he has his daughter they aren’t real enthused...And I’m on guard.

Uh no. Not sure how long it’s been..but I think that would kinda mess with her head. At least for me..when it’s done it’s done. Think it would be kinder to just let her move on..outta sight outta mind. But that’s just me.

Still waiting on another dramatic suicide attempt (She hasn’t pulled that one yet since me..but NG says usually every 2 to 3 years it happens.) -/Hope not offending anyone..SOS here..but this shit is getting old. (And it’s too cold to try to buff the key marks from my car-just very pissed!)

10 years here last September....this is a first for me! But always stuck to the “5 year rule..give them time to get back on feet financially, work out child care custody stuff..hopefully ex has moved on/remarried so less drama”. And it worked...none came with this kind of crap. Really really care about this guy...he’s really the best character of any man I’ve ever dated. Daughter is 16... so hoping it gets better the older she gets. But crazy ex will never go away. Maybe if she can keep a relationship and find someone with lots of money (she gets them..but can’t keep them because she’s dumb as a rock..and crazy comes out after a month and they bolt)—She needs a sugar daddy who will fly her somewhere far far away and keep her.

It’s just crazy nuts...planned a few days vacation this summer for just the kids and myself to the beach. We would love NG to go with us (haven’t mentioned it nor am I️ mentioning it).. but none of us want his daughter going. She’s not mean...but that opens up our vacation/world to her mother..who will call her a dozen times a day..be difficult..try to sabotage it with scheduling. Just don’t want to deal with all of that crap. Also daughter does tell her Mom about my kids or things they do on vacation, etc..and really don’t want my kids lives on display to this crazy bitch. Daughter is innocent about it (she’s sweet but not real bright..like Rather dense at times (she has an IEP-think she’s Fetal Alcohol Syndrome ..no physical characteristics.looks normal but has learning problems) Ugh!

Thanks everyone..really never dealt with this before. Dated divorced men (had that 5 year rule..divorced 5 years or more seemed to nip any bitter feelings/drama in the bud. This situation it wouldn’t matter...she’s just crazy. Truly think she’s bipolar or borderline..doesn’t sleep for days..sends nasty texts all hours of the night..stalks her kids Instagram pages at 3 am. Ignoring her seems to drive her over the edge more...but not going to interact..to me to the outside world she’s non existent. And that’s driving her nuts. (Which is why she lashed out and keyed my car) Wish she would get help or just go away.

Have no proof of course...Saying nothing at all except to NG. But staying quiet because she would love for me to pitch a fit..accuse her (she of course will deny)..then tell people she was wrongly accused. She knows where my house is and what kind of car. NG was here overnight the night it happened. She’s been off her rocker (sending him and whomever else nasty texts). In love with this guy...but the baggage..not sure I’m cut out for it. Trying to limit my time with his daughter..she flip flops back and forth (they have joint custody but kids are at her parents house when she has them) NG is running all over the place picking her up from grandparents when her and her Mother have a fight, etc. Can’t believe I’m 46 years old back in my childhood hometown..-and this nonsense (keying my car is just one example) feels like high school. I’ve been proactive and taken the high road (which infuriated her more she wants drama. But lord this is a test of my will. That’s all.

Immediately after he died..the prescription pills started..lots of them. Thought for sure they would always be part of my life...couldn’t imagine functioning in my new reality without them. And here almost 6 years later...drug free. Don’t have any other “nevers”..was too foggy headed at the time.

This is ex is a damned if I do damned if I don't woman. She is going to find something to complain about me either way. At a Halloween event at my daughters school in evening last week....My boys and I took my daughter..hundreds of kids there...Crazy Ex decided to go with her nephew and a sister to the event and take teenage daughter (NG's daughter)--Really crazy ex just wanted an excuse I think to run into people, be seen and wear a slutty constume (I know none of the parents dressed up we were there for our kids...she wears some kind of biker chick outfit..OMG) So anyway from a distance I see her, her daughter, their gang..I am far away talking to other parents. Our paths didn't cross..But my daughter (whose 10) was all over the playground and ran into NGs daughter and they spoke and hugged each other and crazy EX waved and said "Hi" to my daughter (she has seen her over a dozen times and this was the first time she waved to her. I could care less) So our paths didn't cross..my daughter and I left and went to another Halloween event and met NG and my sons. Crazy EX texted him a book 3 days later about how awful it was that I didnt' speak to his daughter because crazy ex was there and that she went out of her way to speak to my kid. Now if I would've gone over and hugged daughter, etc..It would've made life hell for the teenager when I left and her Mom would be pissed saying "You like her better than me" (yes that's the mentality I am dealing with) NG laughed..his daughter told him we were far away from each other and she was relieved I didn't come over because she never knows how her Mother is going to react. Bitch is just nuts.

Yes TM she sounds like a complete nut job! It just gets so old..I’m in a town with only 5000 people..I run into her at least once a month..I get the glare..like somehow I broke up their marriage..She did that all on her own long before I moved here. This is why I had my “divorced 5 year rule” before. He’s worth it..but lord this juevenile bullshit gets old.

That's me..Ive mastered not letting anyone know that I think she's bat shit crazy. I bite my tongue.. think before I speak (or don't speak)-However, internally..I still feel my blood boil. But it does go away quickly..until the next episode. NG doesn't let her get to him at all..Just shakes his head, rolls his eyes..the worst thing he has said is "She is miserable and wants everyone around her miserable" and that she is "not well in the head". I tend to be a quiet underhanded type (character flaw I know) I keep my cards close to my chest..then do passive/aggressive shit to get at someone who has said hurtful things about me behind my back. But subtlely. I want to get to the point that it rolls off my chest and I don't give it a thought. Not there yet. Ugh!!! I swear I think she's the worst ex wife in this town.

Thats just selfish and cruel of your mans ex TRYING. Jealousy makes already unstable people just so self absorbed and insane and she sounds insane. 6 years ago i wouldve ripped her a new one...and her vile untrue gossip deserves an ass kicking. But she spent 20 years making a complete fool out of herself...long before i moved back here. I dont want to even be associated like i know her much at all. Me sticking my nose in the air and remaining above her nonsense is driving her more over the edge than if i fed into her drama. She needs drama like we need oxygen. Thank God ive had experience with mentally ill peopke over the years and thank GOD I meditate. Toxic unstable Bitch.

She's crazier than ever. I read a few of her texts she had sent NG... The latest "I'm sorry I am not dead..I know that would make life much easier for the both of you..I know your princess doesn't have to deal with an ex husband because hes dead..but we have kids together and I am going to be in your life for a long time"... This one really pissed me off...but she's nuts..and trying to get a reaction out of me..Not going to happen. I think it kills her that's she's on ignore and mute from me. Like she doesn't exist. And yea...the poor daughter is starting to act cool towards me because of crazy Mom..I knew she would...but it will all play out. This woman is a complete nutjob.

It's a different culture..old Appalachia culture. It's lots of family things..all of us..his sisters, Mom..extended family. I'm not stuck at home..just his Mom is around a lot. His Dad and other brother died right when he was going thru his divorce. Dad and oldest brother drove her everywhere then. Now it's all on him. I grew up here in rural WV..I understand the culture. But never grew up that way. My family is polar opposite. Oldest son likes his family...middle kid thinks it's nuts and it's all a bunch of country folks and wants no part of it. Daughter just goes with the flow. Time will tell. He's a wonderful man..but I'm slowing some of this down for a while.

I get all of this. NG is a wonderful guy..I've never been with anyone as caring, considerate, honest, thoughtful..and the chemistry is amazing. But the baggage..dear lord..crazy ex who can never be counted on to pick up daughter on the right days, hours..literally it's almost impossible to make plans. His Mother lives out on family land close to him and has never driven. He is at her beck and call literally 24/7. He can't leave the family land and will be out there forever. It's way way out. I would never live out there with kids involved in stuff..and really this sounds harsh..but until His Mom finds a new man to take care of her or she dies..we aren't going to be moving forward. I just can't do it. He works like a dog on the farm and works 40 hours a week in the city. There isn't much time left for us. It is what it is..I don't want anyone else...but we are plateauing for a while. Don't see our lives totally blending for many years. Damn this is complicated.

Thank you all. It's strange..it's only been 12 days and now nothing. No one has said anything..it's like "poof" he's gone. Coming from the side of grief..we all know how when our spouses died everyone was there remembering everything.. Then they left and that was it. For me in my situation-I feel about 90 percent better. It stung for about 4 or 5 days.. Then left. I haven't discussed it with my parents..I doubt I ever will. I would be happy if his name was never mentioned again. I could tell when it first happened..after I got back from being out of town my Dad was waiting on me to say something. I couldn't. It cuts too deep with me even still. I talked ALOT to my Dad in high school about it. I just can't anymore-he's finally gone. Nor will I talk to my Mom. Things are good between my folks and I now..and not sure that's the healthiest thing-but it's just something I can't do. He only saw my oldest son and I once after we moved back..he's on our local school board and the 2 winners of a History award at the high school were recognized. I didn't recognize him he was old and frail and walking with a walker. Someone posted on our high school Alumni page him speaking at our high school graduation..that's how I always remembered him. At that graduation he made himself look busy when I walked across the stage because I refused to shake his hand and shook the assistant principals instead. No one noticed except my Dad. He knew my loyalty was always with him...even with 3000 people watching I wouldn't do it. I'm really just grateful my children ( who know nothing of this) will never run into him then accidentally blurt out to my parents how they ran into the former high school principal. Thank you all again for letting me get this off my chest. It just feels good to be heard.s

THanks for validating my feelings. Yes, my folks have lived in this town since the 1960's..in the same house. The thing is..most folks didn't know about them..many spectulated..or thought...but never knew for absolute sure. I did. It was my secret..My Dad knew because I told him. I shut myself off to many friends in high school (kept them only at the surface) for this reason (except my best friend who died from cancer a few years ago). I never discussed it. I could've had both of them fired. THat's why I left..it was too big of a burden. I found myself when I left. When I decided to move back it was one of those issues that I had to make peace with. My folks are now in their 70's and 80's as were the other couple (who are now deceased)--His daughter was a teacher in our county..I actually subbed at her school a lot last year. We have never discussed it. I have no idea how much or what she knew. I can't talk about it. NG-Have no idea if he ever heard anything (this was 30 years ago when I caught them)--When this principal died on Friday..they had the entire stadium stand for a moment of silence in his memory before the game. I intentionally came to the game late to avoid that part. I don't want him judging my Mom or anyone in my family (he wouldn't)--but it seems silly to bring it up now. He's now dead. I can teach now in my home county. It's lifted off of me.. I was always torn between admiring this man for his work as an educator...and yet hating him for his lack of character and phoniness. My Dad did not go to college..he always felt my Mom felt he wasn't "good enough" because he wasn't educated. My Mom put herself through college..I admire her for her dedication..Yet always resented the fact that "we" (my brother, me and Dad) weren't enough. Honestly, I wish my folks would've gotten divorced 30 years ago. It would've been less confusing to me. I used to feel "dirty" when I was 10 because I "knew" but didn't know for sure. I felt bad that I had those suspicions. My daughter is now 10...my oldest is almost 15..the age I was when I officially found out. I want my high schooler to be light and enjoy high school. I never did. Just needed to type it out and get these thoughts out of my head. I figured it was safe here..I exposed many of my dark secrets on this and the old board.. (drug addiction, etc)--Actually I feel better today "telling" someone. Thank you guys.

Have no one to share this with...not NG..not any friends..it's just my mess that's been a part of my life in a tiny town. I moved back to my hometown last summer...I had not lived here as a professional adult since I was 23. The town suffocated me..I got migraines in high school..on the surface I was popular..but I isolated big time. My Mom was a well known high school teacher...she had a long term love affair with my high school principal. When I was 15 I caught them..I found love letters..I told my Dad. It's the only time in my life I ever saw him cry. Supposedly it was over..it wasn't. I used to see this principal when I lived in the city in my 20s snooping around where I lived. Like he wanted to check on me. My Mother adored him..my Dad hated him. I was in the middle playing therapist to both. It was a nightmare..high school was a living hell for me. Before we moved back I made peace with all my demons. He retired..went on to serve on numerous educational boards, win national awards, stayed with his wife..still loved my Mom. I never discussed it after high school. My Mom is a good person..my Dad is a good person. Her affair shattered my heart and the way I looked at relationships, people...It took me 45 years to make total peace with it. So I moved back.. His wife died 6 months ago. He died suddenly 5 days ago. FB was blowing up on my alumni page..everyone saying how amazing he was. He was a good principal-our high school is still one of the best in the state. I moved back here for the opportunities for my kids. He died. It's over. I worry about how my Mom is handling her very private grief..I worry about my Dad. I feel like it's high school again 30 years later. I didn't get a job in the county we live in teaching..I work a County away. I had ironically forgotten that i made a promise to myself that I would never teach school in my hometown until that man died. I moved back and made my peace..and he died. He never apologized to me for anything. He was coy and cocky and wanted desperately when I was first out of college to get me a job. That's why I could never live in my hometown. I'm feeling weird..half sad..half angry..half still having flashbacks. I've dealt with this (knowing the affair was going on since I was 10..but never told my Dad till I was 15). it's over..thanks for listening.

Very exciting news! So happy for you!

Next weekend will mark 10 years since B died from suicide. The OODarkness Walk where I used to live is also on that day. One of Bs childhood friends is the walk coordinator and it's been on "the weekend" for several years now. It's also my middle child's 13th Birthday. His Dad died that day but was found several days later. Feeling reflective more this year at how far we've come. My kids have really only known life with me. Oldest was just starting PreK..he's now a Freshmen in high school. I've been more vocal with fundraising for the walk (we walk every year but some years I just don't do much with it). Our team is the top fundraiser this year. After the walk (an hour away) we will come home and throw a blow out party for my son. He always wants friends at the house sleeping over..every year the weather is perfect fall weather...The same weather it was the day he died. The environmental factors always trigger me a little because Fall in WV is just beautiful. AnywAy it's always an emotionally exhausting weekend..but I keep happy and celebrate my sons life and his fathers. But honestly by the end of that weekend I am emotionally worn out.