Sugarbell

This is new territory for me.. Last relationship he had been divorced 15 years..she had remarried and they had a civil decent relationship. My new friend..divorce was final 2 years ago....and she's nuts. She moved to the city 30 miles away..but is in hometown staying at her Parents when she has her daughter. I went to high school with her...we are just acquaintances..she's been my FB friend for 6 years (along with 800 other people). I saw her ONCE in 25 years at a band festival. She clung onto me and sat with my daughter and I . NG was busy working concession stand all day to raise money for the band. (He was always the athlete but is a super Dad and the responsible parent) So one of my sons friends was at the house when NG was there. He told me his Dad went out briefly with his ex...and that she was crazy. Every person I have talked to says she's crazy (like has various men all over the country flying her to different places lots of sugar daddies and just really messed up partier). The daughter is a sweetheart. We get along great. She told her Dad she almost told her Mom he was seeing me but was afraid her Mom would freak out. Him and I have been low profile but feel we have nothing to hide and are going to start being more public. Neither one of us care if she tells her Mom she's going to find out eventually but it's totally between his daughter and her Mother. I really like him. We've been spending lots of time together and actually want to start planning weekend trips for all of us (his kid and my kids). My kids adore him. This is way faster than my usual speed..but neither one of us want to see anyone else...we are in a small town (our hometown)--Lots of folks have been on him to start dating. He's very picky. When I moved here lots were on me to date. I'm picky. But we click. What's the right way to navigate a crazy ex who I already know...but don't want issues/drama with?

Read the book....it's on my list of "must see" movies. Glad you all enjoyed it!

Its going good...His daughter and I really get along (she's in the color guard in band and dance)--My kids really like him. I usually have a hard time finding my "type"--I like the taller, muscular dark haired guys. That's him..Plus preppy glasses to add to it. And he's no nice. He's done odd jobs for me around the house, Mr Fix It type. He's country...its the thing I wanted away from so much when I left home 25 years ago. Land, Horses, farm animals..Its definitely different from "Stepford"--but yet also comforting because he has roots. He works in the "City" about 30 miles away. Not a player. Just a solid good guy. Not fancy, southern twang (which everyone here has...I worked for years to get rid of mine when we moved to Stepford years ago) No..it's not perfect..But nothing is..But lots of potential. The fact that he makes me laugh, is a great Dad, is a family guy...And is physically my type...well we have definite chemistry. I know his ex wife..No not great friends with her..haven't seen her in years. I checked around with my close friends here in town..They all confirm he's a solid great guy and his wife went wild and cheated numerous times until they finally got divorced 2 years ago. She doesn't know we are seeing each other. He wants to be very open about it..I am still cautious cause I don't like drama (and everyone says she's like nuts now--that is one downfall )_ I guess only time will tell. We have kissed but that's it..which is really nice!

Happy Dance Happy Dance!!! Are you all still going to be my "neighbor"soon??

A old high school friend had been bugging me to let her set me up with a guy she works with. He was a year younger than me in school...I didn't really know him or remembered much about him. I finally agreed after she asked me the third time. Pleasantly surprised super nice and super good looking guy. And actually....it's the first time since I started dating DH years ago...that we are taking it just as friends...just like we did (DH and I worked together) We talk nightly...our "dates" have been working out at the gym together with our kids (he has 15 year old daughter)...Taking his daughters dogs for walks at a local park...all of us (kids too) going out to eat. Definite chemistry...hands down he's my type...I get along great with his daughter...my kids like what they have seen of him. It just easily "fits". Something about knowing where the other person is coming from makes this so easy. We haven't kissed-nothing. Just becoming good friends right now which is exactly what DH and I did in our early stages of dating. It's weird...it's so wholesome...but so refreshing compared to some of my previous messes over the past 9 years. I have no bad vibes (and it seems I've always gotten bad vibes since dating as a widow-i just ignore them drag it out and then it eventually ends) Funny what going back to your roots does to you.

I am so sorry. This also caused my greatest anxiety my first couple of years. All of my children (3 kids) were under age 5. Now they are 14,12 and 9. They've thrived and excelled.Academics, socially, athletically, community wise. They are my single greatest achievement element in life. We are very very close since it's just been me for the past 9 years.

Ugh Hell No! I mean if this is how he is acting and you are just dating, not living together...it would be much worse once you were together 24/7. I mean if he takes you on great dates, great sex...leave kids out of it..Fine..I would "date" him if I liked him...But leave the kids out of it.. It sounds like you guys are already playing house with the kids along..and 15 year old is acting like "step brother" (but being an asshole) This would be a recipe for disaster down the road. Unless you both are willing to put the time, commitment and compromises (and possibly parenting/couples counseling together)--For me...I would say "Don't let the door hit you on the ass"-Recoup my losses, pick myself up and move on.

I am not on here that much anymore...are you guys living together?--Is this your house or his or did you buy a place/rent a place together?

This. But I realize I have a very low tolerance for drama/bullshit and don't like anyone telling me what my kids can or can't do. This is why I only date men with grown kids. But that's me-not most people. And not saying that's what all should do at all. I do think kids are all different...-at 8 my oldest was mowing and weedeating..by 10 he had a lawn business..because he wanted to mow not because he had to. In comparison his younger brother now 12..has absolutely no interest and has mowed twice and never has worked a weed eater. I wouldn't trust him to. Not his thing. My 8 year old now does her own laundry. The 14 year old rarely does. Different kids, personalities, strengths and weaknesses. Wouldn't trust my younger two with the stove at 8..my oldest-Hell yes. He was fixing the dishwasher and appliances at 8. All very very different. Bottom line you know your son better than anyone. Depends on how much compromising you are willing to do. --But oh the blending (and several on here have been very successful with it) sounds like a headache to me.

Good for you on stopping smoking!! I stopped years ago...but I have always chewed the Nicorette gum. The gum helps with cravings and the nicotine keeps metabolism from slowing down too much. (I know its still bad for you but its not smoking) Second...have you tried like a 15 day berry cleanse? They have them in pill form at any drug store over the counter. You can drop 5 lbs naturally and feel better in two weeks. I don't know if that helps...but I have been doing it every few months when I start to feel bloated/heavy. Good luck! We are pulling for you!

Update..He's able to stay awake at school all day and doing better. Still not allowed to run or do major activity. Sitting with basketball team. He did start back into baseball conditioning last night...Not able to run..but was able to get back and practice pitching in short spurts. He clocked in last night at 71mph...not bad for being sick and in the 8th grade. I think he's on the mend...but I am forcing him to do very little besides school work and minimal sports conditioning.

Moving to the West Coast??? Gooooooooooooooo!!!!! Glad it's all coming together for you guys. I mean if you were moving someplace in Appalachia I would tell you to think long and hard about it (that's why I said it was dependent on where it was)-- Happy for you!!

We are living in a new town new house ( Actually my childhood hometown but I haven't lived here in 26 years--so it seems new) Much more social...getting outta Stepford and back around a more diverse (not real diverse, but much better than Stepford) has helped me. Back with old friends...kids are busier than ever..I work everyday..its been challenging. Seeing someone again...but I have been dating on and off for years. But its stable and I am happy. I am much healthier since we moved..and started out 2017 15 lbs lighter than I started out 2016. My brother is a trainer at the local gym...so I am there every evening..and my kids work out too. We are all in much better shape. Kids thriving. I have added secondary and special education certifications to my teaching credentials...teaching long term position in a very rural and very poor school. But I love it! Just more at peace in 2017....2016 I worked my ass off to get to this place/point. Now I am just enjoying how far we have come.

Over Christmas break my oldest son (14) had blood work done and was diagnosed with Epstein Barr. -Our tiny little hospital told him just lots of rest, fluids and gave him an antibiotic just in case he had a sinus infection on top of it. -almost 3 weeks later very little improvement...he can sleep with 14 hours and thinks he's ok only to be exhausted after 10 minutes of doing anyway. He's even too tired to text chat on his phone with friends. He insisted on going back to school Tuesday then watching his team at basketball practice after school. He can't play basketball at least thru Jan (and probably the rest of the season). He struggled at school (no longer contagious) -and slept in his last 2 class s. Didn't go yesterday and went 1/2 day today. He's starting to get depressed because he's always on the go and mr social and only wants to sleep. --Anyone have this b gore? Or your kids? How long can this last and what s the best remedy to help him at least feel better????Should I see a specialist? Yeah I am worried...

Did you move 900 miles away from family to be with him? I'm confused?? --I haven't been on here much lately so if you talked about it in another post maybe I missed it. 4 kids and a crazy ex???

You're smart and have a level head on your shoulders...This is a huge step A big factor with me would be where is it you are moving? Is it a good place for M ?--Can you see you meshing there? I don't like putting all of my happiness on the shoulders of one person (In your case Andy)--Not sure that makes sense..and maybe its not very romantic..but that is a huge undertaking for another person (meaning..if M isn't happy or you aren't happy by not being fulfilled in your career, etc) On the other hand...it may indeed be a perfect fit for all of you. Only you can answer. It's a lot to process..and without knowing any specifics...its something that only you know the answer. I would just be cautious...but that's just me...my way isn't the right way for everyone.

Sending you peace and strength from my crew in WV......Stay strong friend.

I get it. Moving to new town..lots of new FB contacts for kids stuff/sports...I want people to see their Dad. My late husband the father of my 3 kids. Everyone goes on and on about how tall my kids are and say "Oh they get the height from you"..--And they mean well and are nice..Bur I want to scream "Their Dad was 6'5 he played a 50 percent role in these kids genetics" So every kids bday..I usually a few photos from the years and wish them Happy Birthday. I always include on of their Dad and I standing up holding a kid. I want folks to know him..my boys are so much like him is wild. Sigh I get it.

Oh yeah....being an ass doesn't discriminate male/female old or young. Worst ass I went out with was 13 years younger than me....total douche! One date is all he got. PB neighbor 15 years older and he could teach younger men a thing or two..both in and out of the sack. Current beau is 8 years older...I tend to generally linemen a little older. Most young ones bore the hell out of me.

Yep. When I graduated college and got my first place at 22..I couldn't afford a hefty car payment. My folks are financially secure..certainly not wealthy but frugal savers. They gave me a used civic they had and I paid them 100 -a month as a car Payment (it was already paid off). So yes they helped me with the understanding that I paid them monthly until the value of the car was paid off. They have never given us money for extra frivolous things. Very old school no debt type of people. Even now..when we moved after selling our house I was able to pay cash for a smaller home for the kids and I. However my previous home needed about 15K to get ready to sell. They fronted me the money. Instead of getting a loan they insisted I just pay them back monthly. So even though I don't have a mortgage I pay my folks 500 a month for several years (and I am 45 years old) So I agree circumstances have a lot to do with situations such as this. My folks just are "no debt/bank loan" people and choose to "help" when they can internally. But they also know I am good on paying them back. They would never front my for my brother. But it's always been for true essentials...nothing frivolous. They are very frugal.

It's tricky for sure. Like I could never be a FWB that I had any type of romantic feelings for. I mean a friend..that's "decent looking" but not over the top Hot. A friend that for whatever reason you know a relationship wouldn't work. Mutual Respect for each other and space/boundaries. in my experience..really the daily texts phone calls leads to mixed messages with a FWB. And someone gets hurt. Playboy Neighbor and I were on again off again FWB. We still occasionally talk (well with the recent election results like minded people in my state have to stick together) --And we've texted communicated about politics and travel. Never had any had feelings and remained friends. But over the course of our years as neighbors we could go 6 months without speaking to each other. Just cause different things were going on. But when we would both be single we would hook up for dinner and have sex. But he helped set the tone for our FWB relationship years ago and I learned from him. But it's certainly not for everyone and the boundaries need to be clear and both people on the same page. Or it's a major mind screw for one party involved.

So Happy for you!!!! Congrats!

(((((We get it))))) My sons were 3 and 4 when they lost their Dad. Early years I ha a strong need urgency to find them "a guy a Dad". My 4 year old even said ".We need a Dad..go find us one".. like I could go to Target and get one off the shelf. Made many relationships mistakes..too many to list or even remember. it's been over 9 years and they are now 12 and 14..And have far exceeded my expectation those early years. Yes they need a Dad...THEIR Dad..not a cheap substitute. How I realized I can give them that is to my a Mom who has her shit together and give them positive memories of their Dad..so I. A sense they now know him. I keep my relationships separate now from my kids (not saying that's he correct way but it's the way that works for me). Many remarry and fine great new father figures for their kids. Nothing wrong with that...just not for me right now at this time. Best advice I could give is to heal work on you and focus on your relationship with your sons. You will be amazed at yourself and how you can do things and fill roles you never thought imaginable. and yes that takes time and it rough, But trust me it's rougher when you rush and find the Wrong person out of desperation for your kids. Been theee done that.

Thank you Arneal. I needed to hear that.😊. Besides when marriage number 5 blows up (if it gets to marriage) it will be full of drama and a huge mess. They are both bar flies and love to drink...so that will definitely be more interesting than my calm boring domestic life now with my kids.

Oh yeah I had some real winners those first few years Barn. Only those real oldies would remember. They were all train wrecks (so was I ) but marrying toxic ex (after chugging a bottle of codeine cough syrup before going before the judge) was the MAC Daddy of loserville. Passive suicide and total self destruction. Damn. I remember Raymond💙(Rip) publicly making fun of toxic ex before during and after that brief marriage. Ray would actually message this dude and tell him what a fruit loop he was. He nicknamed him "Rocket Man".