CJF

Cheers to you as well and here's hoping 2016 is brighter for us all!

Already in my pjs laying on the couch. Kids are out. Will be in bed before midnight Wishing you all a happy 2016!!

I hope and pray all went well and you get good results.

Pittsburgh area

I too totally understand what you are feeling. I went thru it earlier this year. I still watch out the window every time he pulls out of the driveway. It's a mixture of pride, worry and sadness.

You know that feeling? When you're just waiting. Waiting to get home, into your room, close the door, and fall into bed, and just let everything out that you kept in all day. That feeling of both relief and desperation. Nothing is wrong. But nothing is right either. And you're tired. Tired of everything, tired of nothing. And you just want someone to be there and tell you it's okay. But no one's going to be there. And you know you have to be strong for yourself, because no one can fix you. But you're tired of waiting. Tired of having to be the one to fix yourself and everyone else. Tired of being strong. And for once, you just want it to be easy. To be simple. To be helped. To be saved. But you know it won't be. But you're still hoping. And you're still wishing. And you're still staying strong and fighting, with tears in your eyes. You're fighting.

I think going to be there for your son is the right choice. And coming home the same day is a good idea so you can have the comfort of being home and near your other children as well. My daughter recently got engaged so I totally get that while you are happy for him it brings up sad feelings as well. I hope you enjoy the party and your day goes better than you expect. Good luck.

I am so freaking happy for her!!! For the past few years it seems like any news out of our house is bad news - it feels sooooo good to share something positive - especially because she has had the biggest smile for the past few days!!!!

You are truly amazing. You do have a caring heart and that's why it hurts. Just look at your son and you will know its all worth it. Big hugs to you.

I get it too. It's almost five years and sometimes I have to stop and think if specific things happened before or after his death. It really hit me when I realized I have had 5 birthdays without him. I am not sure this impacts healing, but is probably just another weird thing we have to deal with on this journey.

Sorry your birthday didn't go as you had hoped - but Happy Birthday to you anyway (((HUGS)))

I totally get what you are saying. I am almost at five years and really NOBODY brings him up, not his family, not my family. The kids and I talk about him but that is it. Even at my work, when I tell a story and mention his name I get silence. I get that it makes people uncomfortable, but it makes ME uncomfortable that nobody says his name.

Yes, this happened to me too and I learned really fast not to tell anyone anything! I am very careful now what I tell family and certain friends - if I don't tell them I don't have to listen to their advice. Vent here - at least you will get advice from people who really do understand!

This is sooooo me now too! Funny how this changes so many things about us...

Most friends have disappeared. I have 3 who stuck by me - one more than the others. She invites me to things all the time and when I say no she doesn't give up on me. All of our "couple" friends I've not heard from in the 4 1/2 years since my husband's death. It bothered me in the beginning but I've gotten over it. I've seen a few in the grocery store and they seem to run the other way! So, yes it happens!

You know it actually feels good that I no longer have access to that reminder - it's kind of like I am not carrying that extra pain and anger around any longer. Thanks for the replies

I am putting this here because I think only people who've dealt with a spouse's addiction would understand. For the past 4.5 years I've kept voicemails from my husband on my cell phone. Every now and again I would listen to them. They weren't very nice. They were messages from when we were going thru a really hard time because of his addiction. They were mean and threatening and listening to them would take me right back to those dark days. The other day I sat and listened to each one....and then deleted them, one by one. I panicked for a few minutes thinking those are the only voicemails I had from him, but I think I did the right thing. At almost five years, I think it's time to let go of the pain. Listening to them would never do me any good. I am at a point where I only want to remember the good.

((HUGS)) to you. I don't know if things ever get "easier", but you will find that you start getting used to things the way they are now. I am almost at five years now and my kids and I are used to this "new" normal. You will get there eventually.

This one made me laugh because this is soooo me. I always feel like I have to respond. I don't want the other person to feel like they are being ignored

Good to see you back!! I hope things are going ok for you.

Congratulations. You all look beautiful!!

Thank you all for the replies. I guess it's not so much that nobody mentioned it, but more so the fact that most people do not mention ANYTHING about him any more. I guess I just notice it more on the "trigger" days. I truly wish none of you knew how this feels, but it sure is nice to know I am not alone. Thank you.

Congratulations. So happy for you both (and your children)!!!!

Today would have been 24 years for us. We made it to 19. Of everyone I talked to today, only one person mentioned it. That really bothered me. I am sure most of my friends/family either have forgotten, or think they shouldn't bring it up, but I think it hurts more when people don't talk about him. Besides that, I am ok. I have certainly come a long way these past 4 1/2 years. Just wanted to put this out there to people who understand. Thanks for reading.

Hi Duckie, Glad to see you found your way here! We are around the same time line and I feel much the same way you do. I feel like I have neglected my personal life while making sure everyone around me (especially my kids) are okay. At almost five years I think I am now ready to start figuring out the rest of my life, but its definitely not easy and I absolutely get the "feeling like an alien" comment! I suppose we all feel that way alot of the times. I hope you get through this rough patch and that finding your way back here helps you. CJF