MauiMermaid

Exactly. I am 16 months out, and see my therapist about every 6 weeks now (was every 2 at one time). I pay for these out-of-pocket, and it's not cheap at $75 each visit , but I consider it an investment. ^^^ This. Approaching 3 years and I still go every 6-8 weeks or so. I also pay out-of-pocket but feel it's an investment in my well-being. As time has passed, I really value having a neutral person I can trust, who understands my journey and will listen if I want to just cry for him for an hour. Friends/family don't understand and the shelf life of grief was pretty short for them.

You are such a great writer, (((TooSoon))). I still feel like I'm in survival mode. Auto-pilot getting me through. Seeing "2012" is a terribly painful reminder for me. It was the last year of his life as he passed away just after New Year's. I can't articulate how it pierces my heart exactly. I guess I should be grateful for those last 365 days of memories but it instead makes me conjure up sand quickly moving through the hour glass. The last Christmas, the last birthday, the last anniversary trip... when I see 2012 "anything", he was still HERE. Soon to be gone. It's all so surreal. Thank you for sharing and sorry I rambled a bit! Hugs to all xoxoxo

Ditto. Met when we were teenagers and inseparable since day one together. I have a lifetime of memories, 22 years together, 15 married. They hit me at random just about every hour of the day. I miss him so much, I can't even think what comes to mind first. I feel like I dreamed it all up because it was basically just the two of us (no kids and we were each other's whole life so it really feels like half my world went with him). I think right now, I miss how he would always rest his leg on my calf at night. The weight of his leg would erase the weight of the world. :'( I miss him so much.

Hello Karin, First, I am so, so sorry for your loss. Thank you for trusting us and sharing your story with us. "Missing my husband, my best friend and # cheerleader"... it says it best. I understand and share so many of the same circumstances and emotions. You are so early in this journey, just be kind to yourself, breathe, let the emotions come (including the seemingly endless tears), and get through it hour-by-hour. In the beginning, even looking beyond the end of the day was too much for me. I am approaching 3 years in January and looking back I never thought I'd get here. I was sure my heart would just stop like his did. How could my heart survive all this pain, after all? Yet somehow I am here. You will get through, too. You are not alone in your thoughts. We are here when no one else can possibly understand. (((Hugs to you))). Again, I'm so sorry you lost your dear Eddie. xoxoxo

Thank you, Shawn823. ((hugs to you)) xoxo

^^^ This, completely. Understand every word. Music was big for both of us but just so, so important to him. New bands, playlists, tracks sent to me every single day. His face would light up when it came to his biggest passion. Now, I don't listen to anything new and music is a bittersweet reminder of the genuine happiness I used to feel. I've long forgotten what that true peace/happiness feels like. (((Hugs MrsTim)))

Thank you...xoxo. Glad to see you here, Marian. (((Hugs)))

Wow, nailed it. Every word you wrote rings true and so clearly explains all that I can never seem to put to words. (((Thank you)))

(((Hugs to you))), we all get it. That is what we're here for... we are people who can listen and truly understand you. I still cry every single day. Approaching 3 years in just about a month now. I look at his picture and I can't figure out what is more surreal - that he lived or that he died. It's almost like I just dreamed his life up. I miss him so very much. :'(

I really lack any interest in my career. I've always been driven to do well but now I'm completely apathetic. My life is getting through the day and on to the next. I know that sounds terribly depressing but it is the reality I've come to accept. My battery runs at 10%, always. I somehow manage to finish the day before it gets to 0% but it's close. Interestingly, while my overall work performance is quite good, my perceived "opportunities" from my boss include "lack of engagement" with my peers. No shit. Like I have anything to add to conversations about houses, husbands and kids. To save myself the pain, I avoid those interactions unless necessary. Going on work trips and having to engage in conversations, dinners, activities with people my age is terribly painful. I live on the island of misfit toys and I wish I could help them understand that I'm not the same MauiMermaid nor will I ever be. I agree, everyone's situation is unique as well. I was left with zero financial security so I have no choice but to ramble through. One income really hurts. Don't see how I'll ever get ahead at this rate. *Sigh* (((Hugs to all)))

(((Hugs, Marian))) Thinking of you. xoxo