Wife of Tomasz

LTSLforever I am so sorry for your loss. I lost my Tom in Sept 2015, and I so relate to what you said about this pain. He is my everything and life without him is unbearable. Hang in there. Hugs

SailorGirl I am so so sorry. My heart is with you. Hugs

Hello Helena, I'm so sorry for your loss. I too have a lot of feelings of guilt relating to my hubby's passing. It was just me and him that night, it was my responsibility to take care of him. I did not realize that something was wrong, and by the time I called the ambulance it was too late. I feel that if I had called the ambulance sooner that he may still be here. I think it is a natural reaction for those of us who suddenly and unexpectedly watched our loved ones pass. The what ifs and the if only. I think you handled the situation tremendously. You got your child to safety, and called for help. I am also not the best swimmer, my lifeguard friends tell me that pulling something heavy from the bottom is no easy task. Dealing with this guilt is just part of our grieving process and may take a long time to come to terms with. I have not yet tried counseling, but its something I am thinking about. Wishing you peace.

Coffee and a smoke.

Your words speak a pain I unfortunately understand too well. We also never got a chance to have kids, and Tom would have been such a phenomenal dad. His eyes would light up when he was surrounded by little ones, he had such a way with kids. It seemed like our life was just beginning, and now its been torn apart. He deserved sooo much more than that. Like a cruel punishment, and like someone else said "you don't get off for good behavior". You have put it so well "My heart is breaking, in ways that are hard to explain. How can one be so lost, and broken and yet stil breathing?" I know its not any help, but you are not alone in this. Hang in there, hugs.

I threw out his cigarette buds from the ash tray and then really regretted it. Wish I kept them. After years of telling him that smoking is bad for his health... I started smoking to feel closer to him. Get a coffee in the morning( the way he had it) and have a smoke. As if replicating his habits brings me closer to him.

yeah, no kidding

To hold his hand would be such a dream.... he had the most wonderful hands, so warm. :-[

So here I am at the 2 month mark.... Wrote him a love letter and left it on his desk this morning. Things I should have done more of when he was here. Going to dress up and go to one of his favorite restaurants this evening. Try to pretend that he is there with me. Maybe actually eat something. Doing my best to get through the day.

I remember the first year after we finished college. We both had a really hard time finding work and had to each move back in with our parents. It was winter time and we would spend as much time together as possible. When it got late, because we had no where to go we would spend all night walking around the city. It was cold and we would go into coffee shops to warm up a little, and huddle on benches until sunrise. We just did not want to part no matter how sleepy and cold we where. I also love remembering how he would always smoosh my face and kiss my cheeks. How wonderful life was with him in it. I can't imagine life without him.

Thank you everyone! Its nice to find people that understand what you are going through. I called a close friend and asked her to be with me while I made the few important calls. I only called the people I felt I needed to tell myself. They will pass it on. I know I will keep coming back to this forum.

My Tomasz passed away 2 weeks ago. It was sudden, he wasn't ill and I really could never have imagined this in my worst nightmare. I am numb and that's good. The one thing now that I am just finding impossible to do is to let his friends know what happened. I want to call them individually and let them know. Everyday I pick up the phone and put it down. I cant bring myself to say Tomasz is dead. I need to do this, I can't keep putting it off, but its just sooo hard. Has anyone else been through this, and how did you deal with it? Any suggestions at all?