Helena

My husband died August 2015 and I have been dating a while. I have three kids, 10, 6 and 4 years old. Yes it is hard dating and always hard to find a baby sitter. I have my parents but I can´t ask them all the time. Sometimes I have a "real" baby sitter whom I pay per hour. Now I have met a guy that I like but it´s always the pressure of finding a sitter. Someday I think I´ll ask him if we can have a playdate or accidentally bump into eachother on the playground so we can meet even if the children are with us. I´ve heard of many widows or single parents without baby sitter who invite the date home when the children have gone to bed. That would be quite odd I think but maybe it works.

My husband died two years ago in a heart attack, 36 years old. Totally unexpected and the first weeks and months were pure emotional turmoil. Two years out I can tell you it will get better. Eat, drink and cry (and scream if you feel like it) -that is my advice right now. Hugs from Sweden.

Almost 2 years ago my husband died when we were out swimming. The day after I went to the lake again. I knew I had to do it and I have been there several times after, even swimming last summer. We have a summer house nearby so we have to return and on hot days you want to go swimming. I can´t let my husbands death ruin that beautiful place by the lake. I know my husband wants us to keep on living and he wants his children to enjoy that lake he himself enjoyed as a child and as an adult.

I have had two dreams about my DH where I could really feel him. I was in bed and he came to me and hugged me. The dream had no plot (if it was a dream..) It was like a visitation to tell me everything was ok. No spoken words but I felt a very loving feeling. He came to me in that moment between sleep and awake.

Thanks för sharing. I´ve had two visitationdreams where I could really feel my LH´s touch -he embraced me and I kissed him on the neck. We were in the bed and I think I was somewhere between sleep and awake. There was this feeling of reassurance when he looked at me. No words, just a strong feeling of love. When times are hard I try to go back to this and remember that feeling, a feeling stronger than I ever felt before.

I can relate. Very early on I had inappropriate thoughts about a guy at work. I thought I liked him and that he liked me. Then I found out he was gay so I kind of dropped it and afterwards I don´t know what I was doing. I think I had to have something that made my life not so miserable, a beam of light in a rather dark place. Today, 17 months after my husband died I am in a new relationship and we met 8 months after the death of my husband. I still grieve LH and I grieve my childrens loss of their father, he will always be missed as long as we live. This new guy is a new book in the shelf so to speak and he has a room in my heart as well as LH has a room in my heart. There are no rules. The only advice I can give you is to take care and be nice to yourself. Hugs.

Sometimes I feel life is pretty good and sometimes it really sucks. How could my husband just die and leave his three small children without a father? Totally unexpected on a beautiful day.. He had a family, a successful career, friends -he had everything you can wish for and now it´s all gone. I can get really mad and I want to punch him in the face but he´s not here and he will never come back, never ever. When I fall in these holes of grief I´m so afraid of not getting up although I know I have managed to climb up many times before. Just needed to vent.. Hugs to you all.

Ten months ago my husband and father of my three children died, very sudden and unexpected. Four months ago I signed up on this online dating thing. Almost three months ago I went on a first date with a guy. He has two children in my kids age and he has raised them (almost) by himself. He is not a widower but his childrens mother is mentally ill so she is only seeing her children in the weekends. He has met my children 2-3 times and it went ok. I´ve said he is a "friend" and for now maybe he just is. I would like to get serious with him but I have kind of a guilty conscience. Is it too soon? Am I hurting my children? When is it ok to meet a new partner? I don´t want to have a new father to my children and I´m not sure I want a new partner to move in with us. I just want companionship with another adult person and I like him because he seems to understand my situation and he´s gentle with me and says we´ll take it slow. Can someone ease my mind please?

One year will be in August and I think me and my eldest son will go on a small vacation to Copenhagen. Just the two of us and I don?t think we ( at least not him) will focus on the one year mark. I want to celebrate life, not death and that?s why I don?t want to go to the cemetery or wallow in my bed the whole day. Thus I can totally understand if you do that.

I forgot; and today he has been gone for exactly 8 months.. He died on August 12th

Early this morning I had this "dream" of my LH giving me a warm tight hug. No words but I could feel the touch, it was very real not like an ordinary dream. I kissed him on the side of his neck and I felt his skin just like he was alive. At first I was afraid when he hugged me because I thought he would appear different after 7 months in a grave. Strange thought, yes, but when your LH comes and gives you a hug that thought just appears. He felt just like I remember him and he was so calm and reassuring without any words. Nothing more happened in the dream -he just came, gave me a hug and then it was over. This was very emotonal for me and I spent a lot of the morning crying. Now I feel kind of calm. Have you had any dreams or experiences like this?

Thanks for your answers. I don?t have a problem telling him but I?m worried about his reaction to this. Maybe he?ll walk away or does a decent man do that? I don?t want to replace my LH och have a new father to my children. I just want a good man in my life and another adult that my children can relate to. He also has his children full time (almost) so I guess there is a story behind that too. Everyone has a past and that you have to accept if you want to engage with someone.

I?m 7 months out and on friday I?m meeting a guy I meet on the internet. Maybe it?s too early, I don?t know. He knows I have my children full time but he doesn?t know why and that?s why I?m so nervous. Is it good to bring up the subject without him asking or is it best to wait and see. I think he assumes that I?m separated or divorced and my husband was an asshole who couldn?t take care of his children, that sort of thing. Help me, what to do? And maybe he thinks "what are she doing dating this early on?" I want to date, I really do, but this widowthing is a real stigma -or is it?

I?m so so sorry for your loss. My husband also passed away very suddenly and not at all expected, leaving me with three young children. Even if you don?t think you will survive another day -you will. I promise you. Your baby is going to keep you on your feet right now. Cry when you have to and try to eat.Vent here whenever you want. Many big tight hugs to you.

I also want to say that grief is very individual. Some people can "move on" after a couple of months but most of us can?t. I think your grief is completely normal. If you are suffering a lot maybe you can find a grief consellor that will help you on your way.