mizjsea

It's on my calendar.

I concur. It was great to meet and chat with everyone. Thank you DonnaP and MrDrew!

I have a widow friend that would like to join us. Donna P - Can we add her to the list? Thanks!

Good for me.. Looking forward to meeting everyone.

I remember when we had huge snowstorms in the past when my husband was still here, it was so nice to be snowed in and shut off from everything and everyone. Just to be able to snuggle in with each other and the kids felt like a mini-vacation. Oh, how I miss those days. Now I dread the snow storms. Just another reminder of how my life has changed. Sigh... I COULD HAVE WRITTEN THIS. I have been good at staying stoic, staying busy, distracting myself constantly but this storm is doing me in for all the reasons SVS posted. I am succumbing to self pity which I usually can battle. but this sucks. I am grateful though I have a cozy home that brings me comfort, but it hurts to now be sharing it with him anymore. It gave us great pleasure. When he was sick and home on the sofa all the time (he was not a couch potato type, unlike me), I really him telling me "we have such a harmonious household" which was complimentary of our life, our kids, us... again...SIGH. I can't imagine ever finding that kind of contentment again.

Kind people have reached out. Thanks to all. I would like to attend this bago and any of those 3 dates work for me. I look forward to meeting everyone.

I am local and might like to join this bago and meet some of you...but I have never been to one and honesty feel a little intimidated. Can someone who plans to go please PM me - if I connect beforehand with someone I might be less likely to chicken out. I am 14 months out. 2 years ago this month my husband of 25 years had first symptom of stage 4 kidney cancer. We live in the heart of suburbia and family land and I don't even know any single people. I am beginning to think it would be nice to interact with some others who have walked in these shoes. Thanks

Boston Metrowest Suburbs here

Hello fellow Widdas - I want to wish everyone a Happy Holiday (or at least as happy as possible, all things considering..). I have mostly been silent on this board, but maybe I represent to some degree the "quieter majority" who read quite often and gains solace from the posters. Its a daily "fix " for me. The empathy and community here is what you cannot find anywhere else - compassion, strength, encouragement, reassurance, open arms, IGI. When your whole life is consumed with asking the ever-present question that can never be answered - "why me/us?" it is so valuable to find a place where everyone else has been faced with the same question. Even though it sucks for all of us. Thanks to all who openly share their stories and to those who keep this board going. I hope each and every one of you can find some sliver of peace during this season.

My one year was in August and I too was so undecided about what to do. In the end, we (my two kids and I) went away to a waterfront town we had spent much time in every summer - we were boaters. It was a heartbreaking and therapeutic at the same time. We didn't crumble. We had things to do and distraction,which was the best part and WAY better than staying home, for me at least. And it seemed a good way to honor his legacy because he loved the boat and being anywhere near water. It was a good plan for us. Good luck - I hope whatever you do brings you some bit of comfort.

I told my therapist I might have to keep going to her forever because for me it is one place that there is no statute of limitations on being able to talk about my husband or that "it" happened. At 15 months out I feel like his death is old news to everyone else, but it still my front page headline. For me its freedom to talk and emote without having to consider the listener's reaction.

Hi Brandy. I lost my husband the August before last. I am sorry for your loss. My kids are older and I can't imagine suffering this tragedy with young kids and my heart goes out to those who have. I think young kids are a double edged sword in that you are forced to function and have the purpose of "them" but on the other hand I know it is exhausting and depleting. When my kids were young I just kind of laughed at the advice "take time for yourself" so I hate to even say it. But am wishing you luck, strength and hugs.

II could have written this too. Since J has been gone, my youngest got her license. She is driving his car and every time I see her in it, it tugs at my heart. She is tall like him and it is strange, her there in the driver's seat instead of him. And oldest son had started college in the city right at the time of J's diagnosis. My son is now doing a co-op, working and being a train commuter and my husband was so robbed of watching him achieve these milestones to adulthood. And I was so robbed of the phase of life I was really looking forward to, enjoying and doing things with more adult children (after all the years of hard work with younger ones). Death is such a cold hearted THIEF. I hate hate hate hate that we are now only 3 quarters of what was such a comfortable and loving whole. And Friday nights suck. Thanks for letting me emote.

Jeff, he is Jeff. I lost him 14 months ago today. He mind was as brilliant as his his soul was gentle and his heart was loving.

Fuck that, after my husband taught me the simple but complete contentment of the coffee ritual together, I now sip my coffee alone with my heart hurting.

I personally am on the PRO side of this debate. I have had a very positive experience with anti-depressant for anxiety. I was always a big worrier, even as a child, and they have helped with that a lot. I did not start them until mid life (yes pre widowhood before I even had big real worries.) Maybe for younger people there are different issues. Bodies and brains are very individualistic. I have a friend that has had issues over the side effects. I have had none. Good luck with your decision and I hope your son feels better.

Stage 4 Kidney cancer, rare aggressive subtype (1%). No signs of anything and in incredible shape and health until first symptom at stage 4. Gone in 7 months. After being on this side of the fence, I am so bothered by all the "cancer lore" - such as all the stories in the media about the cancer fighters who win with their positive thoughts. If optimism was a true factor, my husband would have lived till he was 105. My brother has a good expression that "fate steps in and lets you know who is in charge." I know similar things have been said on these site; it is nothing new. But the shock IT happened still takes my breath away and I suppose it always will.

Hello, first post here, but I have been reading. I lost my husband 14 months ago to stage 4 kidney cancer. I can still hardly believe it when I write, say, or think these words. He was the most (seemingly) healthy 55 year old person I knew who had not one single risk factor. He was asymptomatic until Jan 2014 and was gone 7 months later. The news just went from bad to worse, as he was misdiagnosed initially with common kidney cancer which has some (but not much) hope of treatment response. Midway through the ordeal we learned it was a very rare (1%) form, highly aggressive subtype. Despite that news he stayed positive and fearless, which is the way had lived his life 100%. As someone else said on this site, we worked so hard to stay positive for each other and our 2 teens that I don't think we had time to say goodbye or even acknowledge what was coming. He suddenly had a quick downturn, became disoriented, and went fast thankfully without any more horror. It feels like we were going about our life and suddenly some giant hand came out of the sky and plucked him right off the planet. Truly astonishing. It has been so incredibly painful but I am proud I am where I am today. My entire mission has been to make him proud. After month of treading water, life has eased somewhat for me and I want to say thanks for this board and for being able to connect with those who "get it" when you know no one else in similar shoes. And to talk with others who had been so unfairly treated in life.