Helena

My husband died August 2015 and I have been dating a while. I have three kids, 10, 6 and 4 years old. Yes it is hard dating and always hard to find a baby sitter. I have my parents but I can´t ask them all the time. Sometimes I have a "real" baby sitter whom I pay per hour. Now I have met a guy that I like but it´s always the pressure of finding a sitter. Someday I think I´ll ask him if we can have a playdate or accidentally bump into eachother on the playground so we can meet even if the children are with us. I´ve heard of many widows or single parents without baby sitter who invite the date home when the children have gone to bed. That would be quite odd I think but maybe it works.

My husband died two years ago in a heart attack, 36 years old. Totally unexpected and the first weeks and months were pure emotional turmoil. Two years out I can tell you it will get better. Eat, drink and cry (and scream if you feel like it) -that is my advice right now. Hugs from Sweden.

Almost 2 years ago my husband died when we were out swimming. The day after I went to the lake again. I knew I had to do it and I have been there several times after, even swimming last summer. We have a summer house nearby so we have to return and on hot days you want to go swimming. I can´t let my husbands death ruin that beautiful place by the lake. I know my husband wants us to keep on living and he wants his children to enjoy that lake he himself enjoyed as a child and as an adult.

I have had two dreams about my DH where I could really feel him. I was in bed and he came to me and hugged me. The dream had no plot (if it was a dream..) It was like a visitation to tell me everything was ok. No spoken words but I felt a very loving feeling. He came to me in that moment between sleep and awake.

Thanks för sharing. I´ve had two visitationdreams where I could really feel my LH´s touch -he embraced me and I kissed him on the neck. We were in the bed and I think I was somewhere between sleep and awake. There was this feeling of reassurance when he looked at me. No words, just a strong feeling of love. When times are hard I try to go back to this and remember that feeling, a feeling stronger than I ever felt before.

I can relate. Very early on I had inappropriate thoughts about a guy at work. I thought I liked him and that he liked me. Then I found out he was gay so I kind of dropped it and afterwards I don´t know what I was doing. I think I had to have something that made my life not so miserable, a beam of light in a rather dark place. Today, 17 months after my husband died I am in a new relationship and we met 8 months after the death of my husband. I still grieve LH and I grieve my childrens loss of their father, he will always be missed as long as we live. This new guy is a new book in the shelf so to speak and he has a room in my heart as well as LH has a room in my heart. There are no rules. The only advice I can give you is to take care and be nice to yourself. Hugs.

Sometimes I feel life is pretty good and sometimes it really sucks. How could my husband just die and leave his three small children without a father? Totally unexpected on a beautiful day.. He had a family, a successful career, friends -he had everything you can wish for and now it´s all gone. I can get really mad and I want to punch him in the face but he´s not here and he will never come back, never ever. When I fall in these holes of grief I´m so afraid of not getting up although I know I have managed to climb up many times before. Just needed to vent.. Hugs to you all.

Ten months ago my husband and father of my three children died, very sudden and unexpected. Four months ago I signed up on this online dating thing. Almost three months ago I went on a first date with a guy. He has two children in my kids age and he has raised them (almost) by himself. He is not a widower but his childrens mother is mentally ill so she is only seeing her children in the weekends. He has met my children 2-3 times and it went ok. I´ve said he is a "friend" and for now maybe he just is. I would like to get serious with him but I have kind of a guilty conscience. Is it too soon? Am I hurting my children? When is it ok to meet a new partner? I don´t want to have a new father to my children and I´m not sure I want a new partner to move in with us. I just want companionship with another adult person and I like him because he seems to understand my situation and he´s gentle with me and says we´ll take it slow. Can someone ease my mind please?

One year will be in August and I think me and my eldest son will go on a small vacation to Copenhagen. Just the two of us and I don?t think we ( at least not him) will focus on the one year mark. I want to celebrate life, not death and that?s why I don?t want to go to the cemetery or wallow in my bed the whole day. Thus I can totally understand if you do that.

I forgot; and today he has been gone for exactly 8 months.. He died on August 12th

Early this morning I had this "dream" of my LH giving me a warm tight hug. No words but I could feel the touch, it was very real not like an ordinary dream. I kissed him on the side of his neck and I felt his skin just like he was alive. At first I was afraid when he hugged me because I thought he would appear different after 7 months in a grave. Strange thought, yes, but when your LH comes and gives you a hug that thought just appears. He felt just like I remember him and he was so calm and reassuring without any words. Nothing more happened in the dream -he just came, gave me a hug and then it was over. This was very emotonal for me and I spent a lot of the morning crying. Now I feel kind of calm. Have you had any dreams or experiences like this?

Thanks for your answers. I don?t have a problem telling him but I?m worried about his reaction to this. Maybe he?ll walk away or does a decent man do that? I don?t want to replace my LH och have a new father to my children. I just want a good man in my life and another adult that my children can relate to. He also has his children full time (almost) so I guess there is a story behind that too. Everyone has a past and that you have to accept if you want to engage with someone.

I?m 7 months out and on friday I?m meeting a guy I meet on the internet. Maybe it?s too early, I don?t know. He knows I have my children full time but he doesn?t know why and that?s why I?m so nervous. Is it good to bring up the subject without him asking or is it best to wait and see. I think he assumes that I?m separated or divorced and my husband was an asshole who couldn?t take care of his children, that sort of thing. Help me, what to do? And maybe he thinks "what are she doing dating this early on?" I want to date, I really do, but this widowthing is a real stigma -or is it?

I?m so so sorry for your loss. My husband also passed away very suddenly and not at all expected, leaving me with three young children. Even if you don?t think you will survive another day -you will. I promise you. Your baby is going to keep you on your feet right now. Cry when you have to and try to eat.Vent here whenever you want. Many big tight hugs to you.

I also want to say that grief is very individual. Some people can "move on" after a couple of months but most of us can?t. I think your grief is completely normal. If you are suffering a lot maybe you can find a grief consellor that will help you on your way.

Stuckwonderingwhy, they tried with CPR on my husband for three hours (!) and they couldn?t save him. He probably suffered a widow maker heart attack and it?s very hard to resuscitate someone who has suffered a heart attack like that. The medics treated it like a drowning accident and if it had been "just" a drowning maybe they had got his heart to beat again but in these circumstances -no. He had been under water for 15 minutes so if he had survived, the damages on his heart muscle would have been extensive and he would probably had a brain injury from oxygen deprivation.. I have had these feelings that I want to give a person CPR and save them. I couldn?t save my husband but maybe I can save another person? Strange I know. I hope you can find some peace ahead. Big hugs and we are all here if you want to vent.

I?m so sorry. A warm hug from me to you.

I?m so sorry for your loss. How someone can be alive one day and gone another is so hard to understand. :'( Cry. Be angry if feel like it. Scream. Try to eat and drink. If possible lean on friends and family for support. Take all the help that is offered to you. My husband died suddenly and after his death I made a photoalbum/book that the funeral guests could write their last words/regards to him. It helped me just to put the photographs in the album and have something to do. Don?t be afraid to look at photos or listen to music and really cry your heart out. Afterwards you feel a bit lighter, only a bit but somehow the crying is soothing. Sending love and hugs to you. Take care and remember that you can vent whatever you want here. I?m so thankful I found this forum.

My husband also died very sudden and unexpected. He was 36 years old and had so many good things going on. I remember that in the first couple of weeks I really had this urge to take the car and go for a ride -crying. I can?t recommend that but I had to be alone and away from the kids who were at home with my mom. Now five months out it?s still a rollercoaster but not in the same way as in the beginning. It took a couple of months before my heart realized that he is not coming back and sometimes I wonder if I realize it now? He is never coming back and it?s so hard to understand "never".. Big hugs to you Jazzy. Your grief are completely normal and we have all experienced what you experience right now.

Maybe I shouldn?t write here because my husband has only been gone for five months but I just want to say that I have also been angry. My husband was also very stubborn and everything he did was a success -until that day we went swimming and he (probably) had a widow maker heart attack. I know my husband suddenly felt very tired and exhausted (he was swimming with our son on his back and my son told me that "dad couldn?t lift me up on the raft" because he was too tired..) and I can?t understand why he didn?t stop and rest or shouted at me for assistance. I?m angry at him because if he had stopped for a rest maybe he could have been alive today. Instead my husband choose to turn around and swim to the jetty where me and the rest of the family was. He didn?t make it all the way. Only two metres from the jetty he suddenly sank, quiet and with our son on his back. Not a sound.. Luckily my son let go of his father when he sank so he could somehow hold his head above the water line until I discovered what happened a few seconds later. I?m so angry on this stubborness but at the same time if my husband knew he was seconds away from a heart attack (and probably a cardiac arrest) he would have stopped and called for my attention. He didn?t want to die but he just didn?t know how serious it was.. SoVerySad, big hugs to you.

Big hugs to you all for your great support and kind words. For the moment the feeling of guilt have passed. I guess it?s a phase in the grieving process that you have to go through. It?s a struggle but you have to do it.

Fran721, it?s completely normal to be a wreck four months along the road. Take day by day or hour by hour and don?t listen to what people say. Grief has no rules or boundaries and we are all individuals. I?m a wreck some days and some days I feel better. I lost my husband in August -15, totally unexpected. It sucks. I?m so sorry for your loss and big hugs to you. Just keep on posting here and you?ll find support.

I?m so sorry for your loss Mark. I lost my husband in August, also a sudden death. Your whole future just crumbles down to nothing.. Sorry you had to join us but you have come to the right place. I have been a member for about a week but have already felt great support. Try to eat and cry if you can. Take all the help you can get. I had to force myself to eat the first week and my mother helped with the children. Once again, I?m so sorry. Big hugs.

Lost my husband when we were out swimming August this year. He was swimming with our 4 year old on his back and then he just sank. Thank God I saw my son just in time to save him but my husband had probably already hit the bottom. I took my son and threw him up on the jetty. I looked at the water and contemplated if I would throw myself in and try to dive to the bottom of the lake and find my husband. I was so scared, the water was dark and I can?t even dive properly. I knew that my chances for getting him up were small so instead I yelled for some tourists to go in to the water and in the meantime I borrowed a cell phone and rang emergency service. It was awful. The tourists in the water did what they could but they couldnt find him. We had to wait 10-15 minutes for emergency to arrive. I felt so hopeless and knew it was serious. Now I feel this immense guilt that maybe I could have saved him if I hade jumped into the water. Maybe it was some kind of test I had to pass to prove my love for him (a really strange thought I know) and I failed because I was to scared and not at all good in diving. While I stood on the beach talking to emergency my husband where dying at the bottom of the lake. I feel so horrible. Why didnt I jump in to the water? I kind of knew that he was going to die so why didnt I had the guts to try find him? The death certificate says drowning because he had water in his lungs but the cause of drowning was probably a blockage in "widow maker" coronary artery. Maybe he couldnt have been saved even if we had found him after 5 minutes. The coroner said he may have had a cardiac arrest and (I hope) he was probably "dead" when he was hitting the bottom. Pleas help, how to handle these thoughts that maybe I could have saved him if I wasn?t so scared. I know other people jumped into the water but maybe my participation had made a difference?

I lost my husband August 12th so 5 months is coming soon. I actually feel worse now than I did a couple of months ago. From the very beginning I have cried a lot and I was never numb so to speak, but by now I have really realized that he is not coming back. Ever. No more kisses. No more conversations. Nothing because he is not coming back. That is a grim wake up and now it?s hitting me hard right in the face. My brain knew instantly that he was gone but my heart is much slower to comprehend.