And so ends the counseling... for now

[Jess]

I first started seeing a grief counselor my employer arranged at 10 days out. We clicked and in the beginning I saw her on a weekly basis. Then I went to every two weeks. For the past several months, it has been once a month. The last couple visits, she has spoken to me about whether I felt ready to end counseling. I let her know I wanted to get through a year. At today's appointment, eleven days shy of the one year mark, she asked the question again and this time the right answer was clear. I am done.

 

I do not think in any way that I am somehow magically done with my grieving. I know that grief will take some form for the rest of my life. The depth of my loss deserves that grief but also my husband so very much deserves to be grieved. Yet, these days, although there are still a lot of tears and times when I feel like it is impossible to get out of bed, my grief is more familiar and has become a less demanding companion. I feel like I know that part of me better, which is part of what I viewed my main goals of counseling to be.

 

We left the door open for me to return if I ever feel the need or see a benefit, but for now I feel kind of like I have graduated in a way. Her parting words to me as I went to leave were that she has found meeting with me and seeing my progress to be rewarding, which is not always the outcome. I think I feel good about that.

[Lisa]

Im happy for you. I was on a pretty similar timeline. I will never regret that time I spent in grief counseling. I always knew I could "go in for a tune up" when needed. I had a great support system and so far havent needed to. No shame if I did though.

 

[donswife]

jess

I also see a grief counselor and have awhile to go before the years up

I hope I feel the same way when its time to stop

they are such good help with figuring out what we need to help us

sometimes she just says the right thing and I start bawling , one of the few people I can just totally break down with

I also find your post most helpful so thank you for that

 

 

[Ginger]

Jess,

 

I?m happy to see that you have had such a positive and helpful grief counseling experience. I found it to be very helpful for me also when I became widowed twelve years ago. Having the right fit with a good counselor/therapist is so important. And getting some understanding of our grief and how it affects us can become a daunting task.  I?m so happy that you are able to move forward away from grief counseling after a year. You have such a positive and realistic view of your grief.  And you sharing your thoughts are so helpful to many here.

 

I?m not trying to hijack you post in any way, I just wanted to let others reading here know that if they aren?t able to end counseling/therapy at the one year point, it is in no way a reflection on their ability to move forward. In many cases the second year can be very daunting in the grieving process and it is fine if you need the added support or interaction with a therapist during that time or even longer. Many people may have addressed the initial grief, but it can be just as difficult to get through the realization of what life now means without your spouse or SO and that transition can be very difficult for many and may take a significant amount of time.  Grieving affects many aspects of our lives as we all know, and counseling/therapy may be a positive tool to help some to figure out how to navigate life and our emotions after our initial overwhelming grief is over.  I?m not suggesting that everyone needs or will benefit from counseling/therapy. We all know that isn?t the case. My post here is to try and reassure that there are no right or wrongs when it comes to grieving and that counseling/therapy is a very personal thing and there is no specific time frame that we all need to fit into.

 

Ginger 

 

[Virgo]

It's wonderful that counseling was such a positive experience for you.

[sandrine2279]

Hello,

 

I spoke very quickly of my first attemp at the "pshycotherapeute" in another message....

 

half an hour (quite expensive by the way) and at the end she fixed another apointment without even asking me what I wanted....

 

Honnestly, I wonder if she is really used to my kind of windowing ... she was waiting for very common answers and seemed a bit surprised by my answers (for example when I ty to go home, I either break into tears or just feel nothing because of the shock and no I don't have a ball in my stomach like he asked me, etc....).

 

And she has been a little bit too rough with me I think.

 

I explained her that I still don't accept to loose him (as I wrote he was 32 and never came back home, just went to see a friend and the day after I had to see my dear bear who was gone).

 

So this women told me "but he'll never come back". is it the way she is supposed to help me accept the unthinkable?

 

and as for the guily feeling I have, she didn't expect that I regret to be alive instade of  him...

 

anyway, when I said I was guilty, each time she just say "don't"....

 

Maybe it's the way the conseling works or maybe I don't have a good feelingwcith her or maybe she's not good for my particular case?

 

Can some of you tell me a little bite about their own counseling please?

 

thank you

sandrine

 

[Lisa]

Sounds like you got a lousy counselor. My grief counselor mostly listened. Told me I was doing well. Somtimes gave me hints for coping. She never ever shamed me. She helped me realize  grief is not crazy. Regardless how I felt she told me I was doing great.

[Wheelerswife]

My counselor has always been very supportive.  I think that he has felt that his job was more to get me to express what was going on in my head and to offer encouragement for me to address my grief in healthy ways. 

 

When your counselor tells you not to feel guilty, she denies how you feel.  It would make sense to me for your counselor to get you to explain why you might feel that way and perhaps that might help you understand that feeling.  Of course it is unacceptable that he died at 32!  It was unacceptable that my husband died in the prime of his career, with so much left for him to accomplish in his life.  Eventually, we have no choice but to integrate this reality into our minds, but you are only a few weeks from his death, and your mind hasn't wrapped itself around the truth yet.  And as far as I can see, I think it is normal to want to even scream about the unfairness of it all and not being able to yet believe it is true.

 

Maybe you need a different counselor.

 

Hugs,

 

Maureen

[LeahRoot84]

I have personally never gotten counseling for my loss. But I certainly have thought about it many times!

 

I am glad it has helped you in a lot of ways. 😊

 

I don't really know what to expect, I'm 9 months in and it feels like it may be getting easier but I'm sure more than anything, I'm just getting use to it.

 

Hugs to all you ladies! Xx

 

This is by far the worst loss I have ever had in my life. 💔