jlp Posted July 28, 2015 Share Posted July 28, 2015 ... as in, I just don't feel like doing anything lately and I think I need some help/suggestions (or a kick in the rear-end ) to get going again. July 2 was my one-year sadiversary. I made sure to have plans that day and in the couple of weeks beforehand to help keep me busy, somewhat distracted, and my spirits up. I made it through the day and the July 4th weekend in good shape, then crashed because, of course, I hadn't really lined up anything "fun" for after that. So, I went into a funk for a couple of weeks, then decided I needed to get my act together and start planning/getting things done again. Here's the problem: it's been pretty hot and it's been difficult to get out and do just the bare minimum of yardwork -- it's become apparent that all the plans I had for getting stuff done this year are rapidly going down the tubes. I don't have central A/C, so household chores become difficult at times as well. I'm trying to hire people to do some outside stuff for me and am having trouble even getting anyone to return my calls. Help from my friends has been spotty at best. So, here I sit with a "to-do" list a couple of weeks old with hardly any items crossed off. I can't get myself going. I can't get other people going. Just really feeling stuck. Still dealing with legal issues, too, which is a time sucker. If anyone has any ideas as to how to get myself "kick-started" I'd appreciate it. Or at least let me know I'm not alone in this whole "feeling stuck" thing. It's just making me feel really overwhelmed and depressed ... Oh, forgot to mention that I have a bad shoulder for which I'm getting physical therapy and even my grief counselor isn't responding to my emails. I guess I'm not surprised I just feel like crawling into bed and staying there. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Virgo Posted July 28, 2015 Share Posted July 28, 2015 Would making small daily goals help? Long lists can be overwhelming so maybe just choose one thing to accomplish daily. It's nice to be able to check items off of the list. The daily goals thread here helps me, accountability. It's hard to pull yourself out if a funk. You'll get there! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jlp Posted July 28, 2015 Author Share Posted July 28, 2015 Virgo, you must have read my mind. After my initial post, I made a modest list for things to do tomorrow and I think I can get them done. That might just provide the start to the momentum I need. BTW, I assume you really are a Virgo? I am, so I'm sure you can relate to how frustrating a situation like this can be to people like "us." Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Trying Posted July 28, 2015 Share Posted July 28, 2015 I was completely stuck and unmotivated at a year, year and a half. I would get a short burst of motivation and then I would lose it again and do nothing but the bare minimum for days. I don't recommend my cure which has been moving and planning a big change professionally. I have gone from doing nothing to being crazy busy and stressed. Small daily and weekly goals are a better way to go. I also would add at least one weekly fun activity as a goal. I sometimes forget to have fun. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Virgo Posted July 29, 2015 Share Posted July 29, 2015 Virgo, you must have read my mind. After my initial post, I made a modest list for things to do tomorrow and I think I can get them done. That might just provide the start to the momentum I need. BTW, I assume you really are a Virgo? I am, so I'm sure you can relate to how frustrating a situation like this can be to people like "us." My birthday is August 28th. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jlp Posted July 29, 2015 Author Share Posted July 29, 2015 OMG! August 28 is MY birthday, too! Ha! What are the odds? (Statistically speaking, not as odd as you might think. ;D Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Virgo Posted July 29, 2015 Share Posted July 29, 2015 That is funny. I'll be the big 4-0. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Needytoo Posted July 29, 2015 Share Posted July 29, 2015 You guys are freaking me out. Youngest son birthday is Aug. 28. jlp it is great you are posting this. I had huge problems with procrastination and now it is heck of a lot of work to get caught up. I use to be so great at time management and multi tasking. Not so much anymore. I find everything takes me a long time to get it done but at least I am working on it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jlp Posted July 29, 2015 Author Share Posted July 29, 2015 Thanks, everyone. As always, I am so grateful to have a place to come to let off some steam and get support and encouragement. OK, so today, the humidity is about 25% less than yesterday and I got a little inspired. I made hummingbird nectar and fed all the birds; froze six pints of broccoli from my garden; did five loads of laundry; and finally got someone over to clean my gutters and someone else scheduled to set mole traps in my yard before the end of the week. So, it might not seem like a whole lot to some people but compared to what I have been doing (not much) it's a lot. I still feel a little depressed thinking about all the things that still need to be done, but it's a start. Also, for the fourth weekend in a row, I have nothing planned socially. I've been trying to get stuff lined up but everyone's so busy this time of year, it seems, and I'm guess I'm pretty low on the priority list. Well, I guess I'll try to celebrate the "small victories." Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Captains wife Posted July 30, 2015 Share Posted July 30, 2015 I am over 3 years out and go through periods like this. I honestly want to crawl into bed, watch bad TV shows, cry and stay there. I have done a few things to keep me going (plus I work 4 days a week). I do make myself exercise almost everyday (although I see you have an issue with your shoulder so maybe not an option ?) and if I dont feel like it, I just do half an hour instead of an hour and treat myself to a new video on Netflix or Amazon Prime. I am a big list person - and I tape it up on my bathroom mirror for motivation. Have a full list of TO DOs and start working on, crossing off small ones and focus on the bigger ones when you have more energy. Make sure your TO DO list has some "fun" things -i.e small house renovation projects, writing a letter to someone you havent touched base with for a while etc. And sometimes downtime is good - but you can also read during that time (I read informationational books as well as fiction). Crossing out things on the list feels good for me, even if they are small and it doesnt seem danting as you work through them. Wishing you all the best, Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest mawidow Posted July 30, 2015 Share Posted July 30, 2015 JLP, small victories are HUUUGE in this widowed life. Personally, I don't feel widows lack motivation. I just think there is a lot of really heavy lifting after loss. I remember when I was packing up the apartment to move, I would try to empty a drawer and it wasn't like handling a drawer full of stuff; it was like handling hot coals. There is a lot of internal, emotional heavy lifting going on that the world doesn't see (and we sometimes don't even see in ourselves). We are building a whole new emotional, psychological, spiritual, and physical world after our home planet blew up. That takes enormous energy and sometimes there isn't much left over for other things. That can go on for a long while. I was reading a blog post about hair loss where the woman described her extensive morning routine to disguise her thinning hair. She said, "it takes me twice as long to look half as good." I felt that way about every area of my first few years: at work, at home, getting ready to go out in the morning, trying to remember my to-do lists (let alone tackle them) - everything took me twice as long and was half as good as before. It's frustrating, infuriating, and stupid. But so be it. Sending support to all xo Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
marjoe Posted July 30, 2015 Share Posted July 30, 2015 Nicely said, mawidow - and very true, that. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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