klim Posted August 30, 2015 Share Posted August 30, 2015 This idea was prompted by a statement from imissdow in another thread. I hate making all the decisions.......I have two older teens and there are the decisions I have been making with my boys(...young men) about their lives.They are trying to make life choices...what career works for me , what school do I go to.etc. ...and they only have me to help them with it. There are decisions I am making about what is acceptable for young men living in my house( girlfriend, friends, chores,drinking). All of it rests on me.If dh was here there would be another voice in the discussion . And then there are the household/living decisions that seem simple enough, like do I get a new driveway, but still I have to make them on my own. Sometimes I think I can discuss these things with my boys and then I switch right around to being protective and not wanting to burden them with something I should be responsible for as the "adult". The financial decisions are the ones that weigh on me the most. I don't want to screw up. DH and I had investments( which is good because we didn't have insurance) but I was never the risk taker, Dh would come up with the plans on how to make money and although I was involved I was never in charge. It was always ( sort of) "what ever you think is best dear" kind of involvement. Now I'm in charge. So just complainig that I'm tired of being the adult all the time.... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Trying Posted August 30, 2015 Share Posted August 30, 2015 I can totally relate to everything you are saying! After yet another week of making some major decisions on my own, some with the pressure of immediacy, I have had enough! My girlfriend and I had plans Friday night and I told her I could not make one more decision, that she may even have to pick out my outfit and order my meal! Of course I did manage but really, I've had my fill. Older kids who need guidance making their own major decisions, household stuff and financial stuff with no one who has an invested interest to discuss it with gets exhausting and leads to lots of second guessing. Something I'm noticing about myself is that it is making me very controlling. I am an over thinker, I look at every possible side to everything. By the time a family member, friend or NG is let in on something I'm deciding and give an opinion, I have a million reasons why my decision is right. I think I feel like I don't have the luxury of being wishy washy. It can all just really suck but I try to find ways to feel empowered by my new independence and competence. We not have chosen this for ourselves but we are doing a pretty awesome job most of the time! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SoVerySad Posted August 30, 2015 Share Posted August 30, 2015 It is completely exhausting. I am so sick of being the decider for so much. I'm with you completely. Wish I knew an answer to share with you. I feel ill-equipped to help my teens make important decisions about their futures when I feel so unsure about the decisions I'm making for my own life. I thought I had my life fairly well planned out before losing T. Now it is all unraveled loose ends I have to find a way to weave back together into a future. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Abitlost Posted August 30, 2015 Share Posted August 30, 2015 I don't mind making most decisions, and I think I am pretty good at it. This was primarily my role in our marriage -- dh trusted me to research everything and he would usually only weigh in with an "I trust you", then defer to me. It is sometimes exhausting though, knowing everything hinges on my ability to determine the best path for my kids and I. The stakes are much higher I feel, but I can still hear and feel dh backing me. abl Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest TooSoon Posted August 30, 2015 Share Posted August 30, 2015 As a fellow over-thinker, this decision-making thing has been really, really hard. Switching my daughter from private to public school nearly did me in completely; the whole process was so angst ridden. There are still so many decisions that I haven't made, because I over-think, panic and become paralyzed, in the end deciding not to decide. This is not a good strategy, I know, but that seems to be my Achilles heel. Its weird, I have no problems confidently making decisions at work but the minute I set foot back in this house I instantly become an indecisive wimp. i'm so worried, I suppose, that I'll screw everything up - and there will be no one to blame but myself. I hear you. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MikeR Posted August 30, 2015 Share Posted August 30, 2015 I think we all feel this way about it at least sometimes2. I generally don't have a big problem making decisions, but I miss having someone who has your back, especially with parenting decisions. My wife was the main "parent" - she was a pediatric OT and was amazing with kids so I deferred to her. Now I go crazy trying to be the authoritarian (which is completely counter to my personality), soother of hurt feelings and "fun" parent all at the same time. Sometimes I just want to hand it off to someone else and shut down for a while. But of course, we can't do that. Luckily, my son is 19 and maturing nicely so that just leaves me with a 13 y.o. girl to deal with. (help!) Mike Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
hikermom Posted September 1, 2015 Share Posted September 1, 2015 There are still so many decisions that I haven't made, because I over-think, panic and become paralyzed, in the end deciding not to decide. This is not a good strategy, I know, but that seems to be my Achilles heel. Its weird, I have no problems confidently making decisions at work but the minute I set foot back in this house I instantly become an indecisive wimp. i'm so worried, I suppose, that I'll screw everything up - and there will be no one to blame but myself. I hear you. Once again you took the words right out of my mouth. This is me to a "T". I used to make a lot of the decisions and generally managed most stuff. But really big things or just the things that drive you crazy - we always talked about it. And sometimes you just want someone else to decide. I miss it terribly. The weight of the decisions can immobilize me. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Needytoo Posted September 1, 2015 Share Posted September 1, 2015 I use to feel exactly like TooSoon, became a indecisive wimp and also felt paralyzed and because of this so many things went unattended in the house. I tried talking issues over with my sons but that didn't work out so well. So I pulled up my pants and had to make decisions on my own and I know some of the decisions wouldn't have been how my husband would have done it. All the decision making is over whelming at times that is for sure but I am doing it which is a huge improvement than just coming home and staring at the walls. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Virgo Posted September 1, 2015 Share Posted September 1, 2015 The financial decisions don't stress me out to much, but I'm constantly second guessing myself when it comes to daughters. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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