Concert

[mikeeh]

This is the time when I could really use a second parent in the house to help with these decisions. 

 

Lacking that my fellow wids on the board are drafted into asked for advice.

 

My son is 16.  He is a good kid, a  smart kid, and has a pretty good head on his shoulders.

 

Now he wants to go to a rap concert in the city.  He wants to go with a couple of his friends.  He only has his permit and not his license yet but one of his friends or a brother of a friend does have their license.

 

The idea of a concert scares the hell out of me.  The idea of a rap concert scares the hell out of me  time 2.  I have heard of violence at these rap concerts, even at this venue which is where I go to see my old man music sometimes.  Then there is the whole issue of pot and getting high.  Not just him doing it and getting caught, but the driver doing it and my son getting in the car with him.  Pot is better than booze but I don't like either.

 

So, do I trust my smart, responsible son and let him go?  Including strict instructions that if you driver smokes or drinks to call me for a ride home?  Can you go to a rap concert and not get high, even a contact buzz?  Do I assume that he will go, he will go and he will get high, pot is more omni present in today's world than booze was in mine, and that is just what kids do at his age.  I did it and lived and turned out okay.

 

he has to grow up sometime right?

Mike

[Trying]

Can you offer to drive them, meet a friend for dinner during the concert and then drive them home? That might be decent compromise.

 

ps, I hate making these parenting decisions alone too!

[Wheelerswife]

Mikeeh,

 

What are the rules for teen driving in your state?  Are teens allowed to drive their peers?  I know some states have graduated licenses.  (Or you can live on a farm and get your license and drive to school in Kansas at age 14!)

 

If this is his first concert with friends, perhaps you can impose a graduated system yourself?  Drive and pick up at a designated location?  Let him earn trust for more "adult" activities?

 

Good luck with the decision-making!

 

Maureen

[rifatheroffour]

Mikeeh,

 

You know your son better than anyone.  You say he is a good kid. Do you trust him? Has he earned your trust by his actions to date?  Do you know and trust his friends? Seems to me this is an opportunity for you to confirm your expectations directly with him.  To call you with no questions asked if he needs help because others made bad choices etc.

 

I went to my first concert with my younger brother  when I was 17, I drove into New Haven, CT to a Jethro Tull concert. We survived.  I let my now 18 year old drive to NH from RI at 17 but it was clear that this was his responsibility to keep the trust he earned.  Next up #2 who is now 17 and when the time comes that he wants to do something exercising his responsibilty i'll have the same discussion.  We all know we cant shelter them from all the evils in the world.

[widowat33]

If it's the driving, or rather riding, with someone I like the suggestion of driving them and then waiting and picking them up.

As far as the pot issue, if he hasn't done it before there is a good chance he won't do it at the concert. I do agree that pot is better than alcohol, I even stated today in my addictions class that I would prefer to hang out with someone who was stoned over someone who was drunk,lol. As far as my own children go, they are young yet, but as they get older I would prefer if they didn't do either...I know that's wishful thinking. Maybe have a talk to him beforehand about drugs and the harm they can do long term and let him know that this is a big step towards you trusting him. I was a good teenager, well most of the time, and in part it was because I was always worried I would disappoint my parents or lose their trust. I did drink, and experimented with drugs because even responsible people make stupid decisions sometimes...

[Abitlost]

I would have concerns as well. The teenage brain is subject to poor judgment, even in the best of kids. My approach, right or wrong, has been to talk about the short- and long-term effects of drug/alcohol use early and often. I am prepared to say "it's not that I don't trust YOU, it's that I don't trust the situation"; if a kid is in an environment where there is a high probability that others around them are impaired, whether or not s/he partakes, s/he is still at risk.

 

This report on marijuana was just released today. I have not read it yet but thought I would provide the link.

 

http://www.rmhidta.org/html/2015%20FINAL%20LEGALIZATION%20OF%20MARIJUANA%20IN%20COLORADO%20THE%20IMPACT.pdf

 

Here is a short blurb about impaired driving:

 

Section 1 ? Impaired Driving:

? In 2014, when retail marijuana businesses began operating, there was a 32

percent increase in marijuana-related traffic deaths in just one year from 2013.

? Colorado marijuana-related traffic deaths increased 92 percent from 2010 ? 2014.

During the same time period all traffic deaths only increased 8 percent.

? Marijuana-related traffic deaths were approximately 20 percent of all traffic

deaths in 2014 compared to half that (10 percent) just five years ago.

? In 2014, when retail marijuana businesses began operating, toxicology reports with positive marijuana results of active THC results for primarily driving under the influence have increased 45 percent in just one year.

 

abl

[imissdow]

I would let him go. I like the idea of dropping them off and picking them up or, maybe you can let him go with his friends and then pick him up after.  I would have a discussion about what will happen if you find out or do a drug test and it's positive for any restricted products.  I went to a few concerts as a teen and never did drugs or drank and both were available if I had wanted.  Were we live there is no smoking of anything in a public place so If he did get a buzz it would need to be a choice. 

[downinahole]

Who are the rappers?

 

What genre are they known for? Gangsta, hip-hop, rock/rap, etc.?

 

Not all rap is the same and the audience can very greatly. It could be the safest concert in the world or the most dangerous depending on the artist giving the concert.

 

ETA: "most dangerous" is too harsh of words.  Point being that the artist/rapper sets the tone of the concert.

 

 

 

[Virgo]

My oldest daughter is 16. I would be more concerned about the driving situation then the concert. She would be too actually. She has already told me that when she goes out with her friends she wants to be the one driving. I would insist on transporting her back and forth. Otherwise I wouldn't allow her to go.

 

I'm no reallyt worried about drugs, alcohol, or smoking. My daughters have seen the after effects of each one and are completely repulsed. I know that could change as they get older, but it never did for me. When I saw Metallica there was a group of teenaged boys seated next to us smoking weed. Little did they know they were smoking next to two off-duty cops. We didn't get a second-hand high. They didn't get badged until they started disrupting the concert for others sitting in our section.