Mizpah Posted September 16, 2015 Share Posted September 16, 2015 Despite lots of people hating on her, this article is lovely. https://www.scarymommy.com/wont-return-widow-membership-card/ Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sugarbell Posted September 16, 2015 Share Posted September 16, 2015 Well her livelihood depends on having the widow status. I knew of her as a FB friend years ago before OFW. I know I am bias...but I deleted her then when she quit her job, hired nannies to watch her kids and worked out 8 hours a day. I am glad it helped her and was positive. But I just couldn't relate-most widows with little ones (and myself included) were struggling at that time to get by with work /taking care of kids solo. And well all the self bikini pics just did me in. iRL I would not have anything in common with her so I deleted. But if it helps other widows that's awesome-I just always viewed her stuff as pretty narcissistic and self promoting. I couldn't relate to that stuff 8 years ago nor can I now. But she's a great writer and markets her brand well. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mizpah Posted September 16, 2015 Author Share Posted September 16, 2015 Her livelihood deriving from being a widow doesn't make her less a widow, or less capable of having valuable insight, to me. Fitness is her job, so working out 8 hours a day and having nannies doesn't seem that different than me being in my office while my baby is at daycare. (Difference is, her job makes her feel awesome.) Her personal decisions are irrelevant to the value of her article, in my opinion. Edited to say: working out long and hard is one of the only things that kept me sane during early widowhood. Maybe it's a luxury that others resent (for me I was childless, and it wasn't a luxury I wanted), but that, to me, is grief competition and pointless. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sugarbell Posted September 16, 2015 Share Posted September 16, 2015 I said she was a good writer and marketed her brand well. Not taking away from her talents at all. I hope the article helps widows/widowers. I have just been around for so long....and know too much. Probably should've kept my trap shut. : Carry on...Yes I can see the article being very helpful to some. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sugarbell Posted September 16, 2015 Share Posted September 16, 2015 . Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bear Tomás Posted September 18, 2015 Share Posted September 18, 2015 Probably should've kept my trap shut. : lol me too. :-X Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sugarbell Posted September 18, 2015 Share Posted September 18, 2015 LOL! Barney you've been around longer than me....I know you know what I am talking about. 😜😜 I know we all had it shitty and our hearts were shattered. I have just seen too many widows with young kids really struggle in more ways than just grief (which all the other stuff complicates the grief)....The nannies and 8 hour workouts were before any paid job or anything. I am all about fitness and keep in shape...but during that time I could not relate at all. Kind of reminds me of Miss America pageants....you know the world peace and saving the world...yet very few know the behind the scenes stuff. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Quixote Posted September 19, 2015 Share Posted September 19, 2015 I've found her blog occasionally inspirational, but mostly just a "work out and take care of yourself while grieving" reminder. That in itself is useful. I dislike some of the health faddish stuff I see there occasionally (like detox regimes)-- but mostly it's sound, if basic fitness advice. Just like the rest of us, her journey and path were her own. I think her grief and her way of coping are authentic, and I'm not going to judge her for making a living through writing about it. (Edit-- not saying you guys are judging. More talking about my own reaction to "professional widows". I had to look past that) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sugarbell Posted September 19, 2015 Share Posted September 19, 2015 Oh I admit I am being judging. Total character flaw and I know better. It's the time of the year and I think I have just seen too many "See me" "Hear me" lately and I know I am being over sensitive. (nothing to do with any widows..IRL stuff) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mizpah Posted September 21, 2015 Author Share Posted September 21, 2015 Argh. My post was about the words/message of her ARTICLE, not her experience of early widowhood and the luxuries she enjoyed vs. anyone else's harder time. My whole point got totally lost. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest marchingant Posted September 21, 2015 Share Posted September 21, 2015 . Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sugarbell Posted September 21, 2015 Share Posted September 21, 2015 Sorry Mitzpah...You're right. My bad...my apologies...I promise I will zip it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
patriciad Posted September 21, 2015 Share Posted September 21, 2015 The message hit home. I am new DHs wife but will also always be Billy's widow. It doesn't define me but it is a huge part of who I am. Don't know anything about the author's personal life but the article hit the nail on the head for me. Thanks for sharing Pat Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Quixote Posted September 22, 2015 Share Posted September 22, 2015 Back to talking about the article proper (sorry about that, Mitzpah) I'm still haven't so much as gone on a date since my wife died, but it still hit home. There's this feeling of guilt whenever you feel happy. Or if life doesn't seem miserable. Hell, I've more than once caught myself thinking "Sure, this was a good day. But the best day without her alive is worse than the worst day with her around". It may be true (and I honestly feel that way), but it's not a particularly productive way of thinking. We may be widowed, but it shouldn't be the entirety of our being. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest sunshinedaydreamz Posted September 23, 2015 Share Posted September 23, 2015 . Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Portside Posted September 23, 2015 Share Posted September 23, 2015 I don't know - I'm left rather conflicted about the path this woman has chosen. Her whole enterprise smacks of 'professional widowhood' which has always left me cold. Yes, I realize I am judging her but to monetize an emotional outpouring of other good people strikes me as a calculated offering and I am skeptical of her heart. Frankly, I'm troubled by it. If someone is able to learn from her and get back on their feet, super. But still. . . . :-\ Mike In any case, I don't find her writing compelling or originally insightful. That's just me I guess. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest TooSoon Posted September 23, 2015 Share Posted September 23, 2015 I have to agree with Portside. She does nothing for me but I'm guessing she's been a boat load of help to others. Hey, we all get our support from whatever corner we can find it, whether that is god or one fit widow or this board or work or whatever. I'm not sure the idea that I'll always be Scott's widow is palatable for me. My circumstances are my own - we were together only 7 years before the nightmare began. Of course I loved him. I fulfilled my promises. I was loyal and present to the last. But I choose not to let that define me. But that's me. Only me. I met someone and I love him in a new kind of way, a way I did not have the wisdom to embrace when I met my late husband at 31. Without everything that happened, I wouldn't have the perspective that I have now to love in a different, more mature (?) way. In that I do agree with her. It is still hard but hard because life has forced me to accept a reality I was not anticipating, that mandated that I saw and did things that I cannot unsee and cannot undo, that have, in turn, fundamentally altered my view on our collective mortality as well as my understanding of time and our place in the wider world -- in a positive way. In the end, different strokes. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest sunshinedaydreamz Posted September 23, 2015 Share Posted September 23, 2015 . Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sugarbell Posted September 23, 2015 Share Posted September 23, 2015 Just sticking with the article...blog whatever the hell this is. (I am sticking to the article not anything else) Anytime I read a blog...and the one small article is full of 5 or 6 photos of ONESELF...in various poses with different aspects of ones life....To ME...reading it cold with no prior knowledge it screams "Classic self absorbed narcissist"..."See me look at me"...Not a scenic photo...or something to that nature which I see in lots of blogs...Bur of oneself???? that ranks right up there with the selfie queens on FB...and IMO distracts from the writing. But that's just me. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
serpico Posted September 23, 2015 Share Posted September 23, 2015 I figure we've all got our hangups - I know I've got one or fourteen of them - but if you can get something out of the message, that's great. I sorta see it as appreciating a great actor's work despite hating their political/social/lifestyle views. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SieOma Posted September 27, 2015 Share Posted September 27, 2015 Having lost a love and found another love is hard to experience, let alone explain to others who will never get it. I'm glad she wrote that and it was shared beyond her own audience. As for the whole "professional widow" thing, I find that to be annoying and insulting. People fuel careers with trauma a lot. She is no different from the abused child who grows up to get paid for counseling others. She's much more public, but she has to be with this population. She found some purpose in her grief. Good for her! She damn well earned it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
whiteirony Posted October 5, 2015 Share Posted October 5, 2015 I want to pipe in here. I'm a member of her One Fit community and read her blogs and benefit from reading the words she writes. I also have been part of her fitness community and it has allowed me to put the puzzle pieces together for my own health journey. After a year, I now exercise 5 days a week, eat as healthy as I can and feel amazing physically. It amazes me how others are so willing to judge and negate someone for their own grief journey because it doesn't match their own. Take what you want from it or nothing at all and move on. I'm not going to defend her choices because they are hers. And like the previous poster mentioned, why not make a career out of something so traumatic. Traumatizing incidents are often the precursor for certain careers whether it's counseling, motivational speaking, fitness training, etc. I'll also add that I believe I'll always be David's widow and now Eric's wife. My widowhood doesn't define who I am but has made me who I am today. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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