overwhelmed 2.0 (moved from parenting section as not really about parenting)

[Guest TooSoon]

I'm going up for a big promotion at work.  It is very stressful because it adds a huge amount of work to my already overwhelming load of grading and prep and committee work and I also cannot crack or make mistakes this semester with my students or colleagues because of getting student and peer evaluations that must go into the promotion file.  I'm working so hard, all day and all night when I get home, but now that my daughter is in 3rd grade - the first year of effing standardized testing - the academics have ramped up and I feel like a crap parent.  It is not even October yet and I can see the fissures and feel acutely the degree to which there is no wiggle room.  I cannot make one mistake and nothing bad can happen (like a sick kid or a broken down car) because the whole house of cards will crumble.  Putting myself and my professional accomplishments (or as some will choose to see them lack thereof) of the past 5 years out there for others to judge scares the living hell out of me.  Why can't I have a thicker skin?  Focus on the goal? 

 

My house is a disaster (broken everything, just took the recycling out for the first time in a month last night), we have no bread (again!), we need haircuts and to go to the dentist, and so on and on ad infinitum.  I need to refinance my mortgage asap and get my car inspected.  WTF living at its best but I cannot do it all, all at once.  And of course, this is also a fantastic opportunity for me to beat myself up for having "too much fun" this summer and not getting on top of all of this stuff.

 

This promotion is so important for so many reasons: the culmination of everything I've worked towards all of these years in spite of everything, a raise that will allow me to put something away for M's college and give us a bit of a buffer (it is the last promotion one can achieve in my position - full professor), and the fulfillment of my promise to my husband that I would not settle professionally and would carry out our plan.  But I'm scared I've taken on too much.  I'm not eating again and I am not sleeping enough. 

 

Sorry for whining.  I'm scared and I haven't felt this way in a while.    And of course, I sit here berating myself for being so tired from teaching and meetings all day and crying instead of forging ahead. 

 

Thanks for letting me unload.

[Trying]

(((Toosoon))) I totally get the feeling of being overwhelmed!  Finding balance is so hard.  You want to advance your career so you can provide for your family but that takes time and energy away from your family and that makes you feel guilty which takes time and energy away from your professional obligations and the vicious circle continues.  I have no solutions, only similar struggles. i wish we could all learn to me forgiving of ourselves.

[Blue14]

This is not whining at all. This is too many balls in the air and it sounds to me like you're focussing on the right ones. There's me and a neighbourhood over here that can help if a car breaks down or you need bread or someone to mix you a very stiff drink. Lots of hugs and complete faith in you.

[klim]

((too soon))

 

Breathe....okay breathe again.........

 

now you got where you are because you're good at what you do. Yes you have to stay on top of things, but have confidence that the stuff you're doing is good......or good enough.

 

Your daughter will be fine. you love her and will look after the priorities for her.

 

you got this ....just stay real,prioritize and it will come together

[SimiRed]

Whining?  Nah, you have a lot on your plate and a 3rd grader to keep up with too! 

 

We all have days when we feel incredibly overwhelmed by everything we need to accomplish.

 

Be Gentle with yourself, you are doing it the best that you can!  Just remember...you can do anything, not everything. 

[Guest fern]

You are not whining!

 

You're amazing. In case no one has told you that recently, you're doing an incredible job.

 

You're doing an incredible job just getting up every day. Not only are you getting up, you're getting up AND you're looking after your kid AND holding down a career AND building a future for your family.

 

AND you're doing all this while going through one of the most traumatic events life has to offer.

 

If you drink, pour yourself a glass of champagne, look at yourself in the mirror and toast yourself for being a rock star.

 

You spouse would be so proud of you.

[Guest TooSoon]

Thanks to all of you lovely people!  It is still a cluster and will remain so for the foreseeable future but I woke this morning (exhausted) but no longer in a panic. 

 

Within minutes of my post, my phone rang and a dear friend from here talked me back down.  This place can work wonders! 

[Gabzmom]

First - congratulations.  You have worked hard for this and are so very deserving!  Second, it really is hard to be "everything" in a world that has gotten increasingly busier. 

 

You aren't alone in this.  I am just now thinking - hey, I have a handle.  And interestingly, I have come to realize that my forgetfulness these days may not just be a result of overload.  It might have to do with that darn anti-anxiety pill I take at night.  It helps me sleep but I am so groggy in the morning.  So back to the doctor to figure things out. 

 

In the meantime, please breathe and who cares if the house is a mess?  I am embarrassed to invite people over.  How can I not stay on top of things?  There are only two of us and two dogs.  So breathe.  Hugs.  And you will be fabulous!

 

ETA:  You already are fabulous. 

[Catnip]

Congratulations in making it thru the rank and tenure process!!

I work for a college as secretary to the Dean of Math and Science.

 

You can make it thru the semester. Your daughter will survive. You will then have a break between semesters, and then can look forward to summer vacation once again. Yes, it is busy, but so is everyone else.

 

Best of luck,

~Catnip

[THATgurl]

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[Lmsmdm]

Remember that I am right on campus, and not far from home. I am happy to help in anyway I can!!! I have always had a red pen fantasy and would happily help grade papers, pick up M if I can, for some reason have no problem cleaning somewhere else, anything but my house ha ha!!!

 

Big hugs, glad the panic has passed.

[singinmomo4]

((((((TOOSOON)))))))

 

I completely understand being completely overwhelmed.  That's me on a regular basis as well.  I'm not stressing over a promotion but I've got the disaster house, and less than ideal mother role checked off on my list plus other stresses.

 

Try not to stress over the promotion and the need to be perfect as hard as I know that is.  Ask your doctor to prescribe something for anxiety.  In my case, a low dose of Xanax,  taken when I need it, has done wonders to take the edge off and help me keep it together. 

 

Lastly,  we are here to vent to whenever you need.

 

[Jen]

HUGS. I can relate. :-\