Jen Posted September 27, 2015 Share Posted September 27, 2015 Last night I came home after two 15-hour days of hospital hell (work) and fell into bed. I went to sleep almost immediately, but I "fought alligators" all night, as my grandmother would say-- tossed and turned and dreamed terrible dreams. I can't remember all of them, but I woke up an anxious, unsettled mess. In one, my daughter and her girlfriend were dead, and my house was full of police wanting to interrogate me and take away all my daughter's things. I was begging them to let me keep her bedsheets because they were all I had that smelled like her. In another, Jim was alive, but ill, and staying with his parents. He wouldn't reply to my texts or phone calls. Finally his mother answered his cell phone and told me, "He's doing better, but he doesn't want to talk to you." I couldn't tell if he was really refusing to talk to me, or if she was keeping him away from me, and I was so angry and frustrated... At some point I knew I was dreaming-- I actually thought, This is not real, Jim is gone-- but I couldn't wake up. It was horrible. I was stressed and tired after two awful days, so I'm guessing that's where it all came from, but that doesn't make it any easier to swallow. Hoping it doesn't repeat tonight. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Quixote Posted September 27, 2015 Share Posted September 27, 2015 *hug* Yeah, the "They're still around, but you can't get to them for whatever reason" nightmare. Sometimes those are worse than the reliving the death ones. Hang in there. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
widowat33 Posted September 28, 2015 Share Posted September 28, 2015 ((Jen)) Wishing you peaceful dreams! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jen Posted September 28, 2015 Author Share Posted September 28, 2015 The last couple of nights have been quiet. Cross fingers the trend will continue... I think I'd rather not dream at all than have a repeat of that experience! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BrokenHeart2 Posted September 29, 2015 Share Posted September 29, 2015 ((Big giant hugs to you)). May your mind find peace tonight? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lcoxwell Posted September 29, 2015 Share Posted September 29, 2015 I hate that I missed this, when it was first posted a few days ago. Nightmares have been a problem for me, as of late, as well. One woke me up in the wee hours of the morning this morning, and left me feeling as if my heart was going to beat right through my chest. I started my day feeling utterly worn out, anxious, and with a headache. Many hugs to you, dear lady. Wishing you sweet dreams from afar. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jen Posted September 29, 2015 Author Share Posted September 29, 2015 So many hugs back!! If I dreamed last night, I don't remember it... I spent a good portion of it wrestling with insomnia instead of alligators. :-\ Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BrokenTre Posted October 5, 2015 Share Posted October 5, 2015 Lately i have been having these same nightmares i am4 years out so i thought i was past nightmares but in the dreams he is with another woman and dose not want to see me ever again he is on the phone not in person my heart is breaking and Im begging him to come back i wake up in tears or raging angry that he left me idk how long i can take this been weeks now every night ugh well at least i know I'm not alone in having these dreams Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ursula Posted October 18, 2015 Share Posted October 18, 2015 Jen, dreams can be very challenging. I have mostly disturbing dreams and rarely very happy dreams.... (???). It is tough to wake up already exhausted from night long battles and heartbreak and face another day.... I hope you find much peaceful sleep these days. Hugs Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jen Posted October 20, 2015 Author Share Posted October 20, 2015 I don't dream about Jim anymore at all. There was that nightmare, where I was trying to get to him, but he wasn't actually in it at all. I never "see" him anymore. It's been months... sometimes I think that whole life must have happened to someone else, because now it doesn't even seem like a memory. More like memories of a memories, or an old TV show I used to watch. Isn't that awful? I loved him so very much... I still do, I always will, but... I confess, I'm angry at him sometimes-- I wonder if that's why my brain has blocked him out? Why did he leave? Why was it okay to go away and leave me like this?? When he knew good and well how much I needed him??? It's not fair. I want to scream that at the sky sometimes: IT'S NOT FAIR. No, my life isn't terrible now-- I have mostly okay days, and even things to be happy about and look forward to, but nights-- oh, the nights are still so empty. I can't help but worry that they always will be. Oh, R. I'm so glad you checked in, but sorry to rant-- apparently I needed to get that out? I'm about to go to bed... maybe it will unlock a good dream for a change. Lots of love, Jen Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
donswife Posted October 20, 2015 Share Posted October 20, 2015 I hope you had good dreams instead of nightmares or no sleep at all Take care Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jen Posted October 21, 2015 Author Share Posted October 21, 2015 For some reason I'm back to about 4 hours a night. I have no idea why, but it sucks. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Amor Posted November 3, 2015 Share Posted November 3, 2015 I am hoping one day I can have a good dream, I hope that for everyone here. Last night I had a few bad dreams which left me exhausted and very upset. Yes, This is not fair. Sometimes screaming it does help in the right place and time. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Captains wife Posted November 3, 2015 Share Posted November 3, 2015 Its weird how dreams work - at first, I wanted to dream about my late husband...then I didn't want to as I woke up sad again. I don't know about anyone else but my "nightmares" mostly involve me trying to warn my husband that he was going to die that day (he was killed in a boating accident). In another, somehow he came back to us but he was a completely different person. I always wake up from those feeling unsettled. Hope your dreams get better.... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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