Restaurants

[Quixote]

The other week was our anniversary (fourth without her), and I resolved to go out and not stay home and sulk.  So I went out for sushi, like we used to together.  I really don't go to "nice" restaurants since my wife died, and when I do, it's usually with a friend.  Maybe it was just the feelings I had runneling through my brain that night, but I felt completely ignored.  You know, waving at the waitress just to get my tea refilled, seeing other tables checked in on while I sat by myself, that sort of thing.

 

Went to another table with waiters restaurant last night, and darned if it wasn't the same kind of experience.  Maybe I'm just sending off "leave me be" vibes (I brought a book both times).  Or maybe single folks really do get the second class citizen routine when dining out.

 

I don't know-- anyone else experience this? 

[soloact]

 

Sorry that happened to you. I don't think it's your imagination.

 

It's happened to me a few times. Usually the courses are served too fast. I'm not into finishing my dining experience in twenty minutes. I have experienced the furniture treatment too. I remember one evening in Olive Garden. I was at a two top along side the wall. I call that the widow's table. Server ignored me. I actually did have to wave my hand to try to get service. Discouraging. Never returned.

 

On another occasion I was at a pizza place. People who came in after I did were served, finished the meal and the server was boxing the leftovers.  I had a can of soda. Period. I left. Never returned. Pizza should be easy!

 

There is one place I know of that is very hospitable to solo diners. The fare is Chinese so it's not my regular deal but I do get there every 4-6 weeks just because they are so nice!

 

There must be a good business opportunity for restaurants who treat solo diners like paying customers.

 

 

[Lmsmdm]

Even before getting widowed, I often went out alone, and NEVER sat at a table. Always sit at the bar, even if you don't imbibe in adult beverages. Valuable lesson learned from years in the restaurant business.

 

Everyone interacts at the bar. You won't feel like the person sitting by yourself with the strobe light blasting on them!!

 

((Hugs))) hope this helps!!

 

[Guest Lost35]

Well, there was the time I finally mustered the courage to take my three-year-old son out to brunch for Mother's Day...our first Mother's Day outing ever, and it was a bit difficult, walking through the throngs of people out that day.  Then my little guy had to pee, so we leave our brunch (half-finished) and go to the washroom (this is a small family restaurant in a very small town).  We are in there maybe five minutes and come out to see not only our table cleared, but a huge family sitting there, with drinks, having their order taken...

 

Does that count? 

 

On a serious note, I think maybe solo diners do give off a vibe and maybe the staff are trying to be respectful, not rude?  I don't understand it, myself...

 

-L.

[Quixote]

Lost, you're probably right, it may be a vibe.  Lord knows I can be introspective these days.  But if you'd brought a child and had to do the bathroom thing, you'd THINK they wouldn't clear the table!

 

[Guest Lost35]

That's what I thought!!!

[twistedmensa]

It could be because a single diner has a smaller dinner tab. Tips are based on the dinner tab...smaller tab, smaller tip. If a server is busy with multiple tables, a single diner will be a low priority. If I'm alone and there is bar seating available, I'm likely to get better service there.

 

I also tend to go out during off-peak times. Fewer competing customers means I'm likely to get better service.

 

[Trying]

I went for sushi alone last night and sat at the bar.  I was ignored but pretty ok with it because I was catching up on emails and texts after sitting in class for 8 hours.  Usually when I eat alone I am doing something on my laptop for work and it's in the middle of the day.  I'm still not completely comfortable at dinner time.

[soloact]

If a server ignores a table for fear that the tap/tip will not be worthwhile it's time for a manager or owner to step up and take care of the customer. No excuse to ignore a paying customer if repeat business and positive word of mouth is desired.

 

In the one situation I referenced it was just pizza. The place only served pies and soft drinks. A pie is a pie. No difference in price. I was looking at the server, making eye contact and smiling. She said several times that she would be right with me. Didn't happen except for the soft drink. Several parties came in after I did and were served, leftovers boxed while I was waiting for service.

 

On a few occasions a hostess told me I had to sit at the bar if I was alone. I courteously declined and left.

[Quixote]

Yeah, I get the smaller tip thing, but you know, service is service.

 

Still learning what it means to be single in social situations.  Got married out of college, stayed married for two decades until she died.  So it's all new to me, and frankly, there's a lot (aside from missing the hell out of the girl) that I don't like at all.  Our culture seems to be built around the idea of couples and I go around feeling like a square peg in a sea of round holes.

[soloact]

We are dispatched into a different world it seems. I agree that service is service. There are restaurants that treat solos very well. It takes a while to locate them. Can be discouraging. This is a good discussion. I just realized that the restaurants I recommend to people are the ones that treated me well. The dining experience is so much more than just the meal.

[jlp]

I haven't gone out to eat alone a lot, but I guess I've had pretty good luck.  I agree, sometimes sitting at the bar is the way to go.  You can chat with bartender and other patrons, but because you're having something to eat, you don't feel like people are looking at you as if you're just trying to pick someone up!

 

[Guest TooSoon]

I've boycotted my local go-to Asian place.  We were regulars but once Scott died, the owner refused to seat me at a table when I would go in by myself - only the sushi bar.  Even when I promised to eat fast and explained I wasn't even having sushi, he still wouldn't seat me at one of the booth for 2.  The third time it happened I walked out.  No more. 

[SimiRed]

Ya'll are much braver than I am.  I haven't even wanted to go out to a coffee shop, diner, restaurant alone.  I don't even know where to go.  I have done a movie alone, but at least then I'm sitting in the dark and no one notices anyway.

[MamaZ]

Having been both a restaurant worker and a solo dining widow (I dined alone before widowhood, too, during lunch hour), I am fairly sure it has a lot to do with a lone diner, especially one reading or texting, that sends out an "I'm busy" vibe. I almost always read during workday lunch as an escape. Even when I do this at work, surrounded by friends, they only join me after working up the nerve to ask if it would bother me.

 

As a worker, I heistated to interrupt, especially during daytime when actual work might be being conducted by the guest. I never gave lone diners less quality attention. They often tip very well (think business travelers with coporate accounts).

 

One time, as a lone diner, I forgot my book (how horrid!). Thus, I had little better to do than to look around while waiting on my food. Funny, but other lone diners took notice and started conversation, from across the room! I am guessing that looking open and approachable, if not downright socially pathetic, was key.

[twistedmensa]

 

I am guessing that looking open and approachable...was key.

 

Shit...I'm out of luck. I suffer from Resting Bitch Face!