Has anyone gone to the media with their story?

[iloveyoualways]

I am asking as this has been suggested to me by others but I am such a private person. I am hoping to finish my degree in January and am doing some review now as I work full time and have a child to care for.

 

After my husband died unexpectedly our lives turned into swirling toilet water. We lost everything. I mean absolutely everything except our old car. We were almost homeless this year but I managed to find a job two weeks from probably living in a shelter. So it is extremely important that I finish this degree. But I may not get funding from the government, or the University as that is tied into a government student loan. My bank won't lend me anything as I was just discharged from a bankruptcy.

 

My husband's death was publicized. On TV, the Internet, and in print. But they never released his name. I am thankful for this. So my major dilemma is to go to the media with our struggles so people who have goodness in heir hearts can help us get on our feet again. I am very reluctant to do this. I am a very private person. Also the comments on the Internet from some about how my husband's death was his fault have scarred me. The inaccurate information about the cause of death resulted in my looking at photos from the coroner and caused years of post traumatic stress disorder.

 

It is so difficult to talk about it. Finally I want to live again and not die. People already know but it is difficult to contemplate. At least when I apply for scholarships I write our story in private. This would be very public. I do not know how we will do this. Has anyone done this?

[BrokenHeart2]

No advise only big giant hugs to you and your daughter. So unfair

[gracelet]

iloveyoualways,

 

I'm so sorry you are in this difficult position.  If you're having to question it, I don't believe you're ready to share your story so publicly. Your life will be scrutinised by yet more people and indeed you cannot control the things they will say or react.  I also think you might give people too much credit for the goodness in their hearts... Is the return worth it?

 

We widows are so very emotionally fragile.  You've been knocked to the ground and are finding your feet again.  I suggest that if you feel in the slightest bit fragile about telling your story, you do not.

 

I've been approached about turning my blog into a book.  My blog is extremely explicit and a raw account of my emotions and wild antics.  As much of an extrovert as I am, and as important my story as a gay widow is to tell (and the money would be handy), while writing a blog remains an emotional coping tool for me, I am not going public with my name.  It will have career and friendship consequences too which I'm not quite ready to face.

 

If you're not ready to face criticism, I very strongly advise you not to go to the media. Sending love and light to you. x

[Carey]

the closest I have come to that is I told a friend who works at a local radio station our story last year, and he got it on the air with the Christmas thing they were doing, helping local families. I was embarrassed but my kids would not have had Christmas otherwise, so I just let my pride take the hit.  Just know once it's out there, yes there will be those who want to help, wonderful people. But as with most things in the media these days, there are some people that seem to actually thrive on pure meanness

[Virgo]

My husband's diagnosis, treatment, and death was all made public because he was a law enforcement officer. Our first TV interview was two days after my mom died.  I was numb and didn't want to be on TV. I  sat next to my husband and forced a smile onto my face. I told them beforehand that I didn?t want to be interviewed. I was just there to support my husband.  The community was very generous up until the day he died. After that we were old news. I never asked for donations, but feel blessed by everyone that reached out. I'm also glad that my husband felt everyone pulling for him. He even had a few violators that he arrested thank him and give donations.  I know it meant a lot to Phil to see how many lives he had touched.

 

Your circumstances are different.  I think you will see generosity by some,  and harsh judgment by others. You just have to decide if you can handle both. ((Hugs))

[Sugarbell]

I am so sorry you are dealing with this and facing these kind of decisions..

 

But personally...unless you have really thick skin..I wouldn't do it.  So many times I have felt grateful no one had FB, twitter or anything and media wasn't involved when my husband died.

[Wheelerswife]

I didn't go to the media, but my second husband's death was fairly highly publicized.  He was a well known fish in a relatively small pond and his death was unexpected.  Many people were in shock, not just me.  His brother also insisted on a very long obituary.  There was a public memorial service four weeks after he died that was packed with his students and colleagues.  I was happy that people were talking about him, telling their stories and supporting each other.  I've never had to look for outside financial assistance, though.

 

There seem to be a lot of factors to weigh here.  Part of me says that you've lived your story, you have told/written your story, and you relive it in your own mind with every aspect of your life that reminds you of him.  If you were able to find a sensitive reporter to interview you and help you tell your story, you might be able to handle the experience.  You also have the potential to correct previous mistakes or attitudes about your husband and his death.  Human interest stories get a lot of attention.  You might also be able to deflect the financial aspect and reason for telling your story by just talking about the realities of what happens to people after such a tragic death and how you continue to persevere.  At the end of your story, perhaps there could just be an "afterthought" where the reporter says that a fund has been set up to assist you, and the public can be directed to a bank or GoFundMe type of account.

 

Hugs to you for your determination. 

 

Maureen

 

 

[calimom]

I never went to the media; the media came to me.  The day after my husband's death by a drunk driver, it played out in the print and online versions of the regional newspaper, which several million people viewed.  There were numerous responses to the initial article, many supportive, some not, a thick skin was required to view them. Donations were directed to my children's college funds, most came from people we knew, yet there were a few from strangers which was very kind.

 

I can't imagine soliciting funds at this point, I don't think it would be well received. If you decide you want to go down that path, the Gofundme, as Maureen suggested, might be the way to go.  But don't expect a lot.

 

OP, you've been widowed a long time and in school a long time.  What is the endgame?  What are your employment prospects?  You say you're working full-time, is it in your field?  Your best bet is staying the course, living frugally, and creating the life you want for you and your child.  It's hopeful to hear you want to live.  You can do this, you know you can.

[iloveyoualways]

Thank you all for your replies. Each of you had a good point. At this time I don't have the thick skin to go through it again. It's been almost five years and I am finally healing. It has never been my idea and that is why I never followed through.

 

I've started school in 2013 so it hasn't been all that long. I had some trouble this year and had to find a job. I'm studying part time with a potential full time entry in January. It is a specific program where less than a quarter of the applicants get in. Other similar programs have wait lists lasting many years. It is highly employable profession. I live in a very expensive city and my current job can't be my future. I enjoy it but couldn't afford before and after school care if I had to. The hours will be changing soon.

 

So if anyone knows of any educational funds for widowed or single mothers available to us living above the USA please let me know. I won't be getting anymore funding from the government due to my bankruptcy, I just found out last Thursday. But I feel like I can't give up.

 

 

 

[Guest TheOtherHalf]

If had a child to support I might well consider doing whatever it takes to keep that support coming. Especially since you clearly want to live so badly.

 

It sounds like you know what you are up against - do you have a support system where you can sort out the aftermath - because even though you feel very weak right now, it sounds like you are ultimately very strong. If you are able to get the help you need to take care of your child, plus the fact that this is your true story and no matter what others say about you or your story, what they say will not make it true, and add the possibility of an income - people supporting you with their own resources - I imagine that would also bring some much needed emotional affirmation as well.

 

Pros and cons list maybe...