organ and tissues donor families

[Lisa]

We are a proud donor family. Some people struggle after or years later. I believe this is a fluid topic for most families. I volunteer to help sign people up. I love telling of his gift but it is emotionally exhausting to keep talking about that awful night.  He gave 2 people sight and gave 36 additional people less pain and better mobility with bone etc. I imagine it is even more overwhelming for those who gave  actual organs. Literally saved lives but a vital part of them lives on in someone else. Let's support each other wherever we are.

 

 

 

[Tricia]

We are also a proud organ donor family. Daniel died of a brain aneurysm, but his body and organs were healthy and strong. They were able to use all his vital organs as well as tissue, bone, etc.

 

We had the opportunity to meet the heart recipient just before Christmas. It was remarkably touching and very intense. He was days away from death after having spent months in the hospital waiting for a transplant when Daniel's heart came in. He's now healthy and active. A good 85 percent of me is super happy for him. The other 15 percent, though, feels pain when they send photos of him running alongside his kids on their new bikes, because Daniel can't. And it hurts when he and his wife talk about how this must have been part of God's plan. They are overall very kind people, and -- if there is such a thing -- worthy.

 

The recipient of his lungs shares my name. That in and of itself is very comforting. She's reached out to us through a letter and email, but we haven't met her yet. Again, I'm happy for her, but the tone of and frequency of her emails suggested a chattiness and friendship that I found kind of off-putting. She'd talk about her weekend plans and which movies she was thinking of seeing. All I could think of was that after getting Daniel's lungs, her life was so much easier. Mine is so much harder. I can't remember the last time I saw a grown-up movie. I've got kids to take care of full time.

 

We haven't heard from the other recipients, and that's kind of okay with me. I'm happy we made the decision to donate and I know that Daniel would have done the same thing. He certainly had no more use for his organs, so why not give them to someone who could? It has been remarkable to think that part of him is literally still alive. It is one of the few things that has the power to make us feel any better about this whole thing.

 

Thanks @LisaPop for setting it up.

[Eddienhp]

My husband wasn't a donor since he had cancer and went to hospice. My father did become a donor at the age of 73. My sister made the decision. I know my father would have approved. He was the type of man who would stop to help a stranger. He donated skin and bone. A few years later my sister received a letter from a recipient of Dad's vertebrae. It was touching to to know some one now enjoys life pain free.

Eileen

[Lmsmdm]

Big Guy had hep C.... I tried to donate, but sadly we couldn't. I however have been a donor since I was 17, and my mother told me to check the box on my license. I took me back a bit and told her I wasn't sure if I wanted to do it.....she said check the box, because if something happened to me I was a minor, and she would make it happen anyway ha ha. Box is still checked 

[rifatheroffour]

We are/were donors on our drivers license but when she died with cancer and a severely weakened body due to years of oxygen deprivation they could not use anything from her.  The odd thing that just hit me is the fact that we were trying to get her on the transplant list to get new lungs shortly before she died.  Until right now I never really thought about the other side.  I thought these donations were kept private and you don't know the families.  I can see now that I would rather not want to meet the recipient of my wife's organs.  Better to just know someone was helped but not have to have the direct reminder that they are better and I have lost. 

[Jess]

I also authorized donation. They were able to harvest tissue which they said could be used to help up to 50 people and a heart valves. Unfortunately, they were not able to use his eyes. I unexpectedly struggled with them not being able to use those because I kept having the irrational thought that I let them take them for no reason. I have made peace with it. I have found the donor network to be nothing less than remarkably compassionate towards me, from the 30 minute phone call to go over details to updates and additional thanks.

[Trying]

My husband was not able to be an organ donor because he had cancer but my middle son will likely need a liver in the future. there is a tremendous shortage of viable livers so I am extremely appreciative of anyone who gives the gift of life.  Marking it on your license and talking to your family about it if you would want to donate your organs is so important because I can't imagine making that decision when you have just received the most devastating news of someone you love.  Speaking with recipients of liver donations through a group who have my sons rare disease, I know how grateful they are.  Many find a way to celebrate the anniversary of receiving their second chance while honoring the person who lost their life that same day.  Many have special candles they light to remember the person whose identity they will never know.

[Guest look2thesky]

My spouse had cancer. Apparently they don't ask or use their organs at all. I have mixed feelings about the donor program. I saw a program on tv regarding the black market aspect of it, for financial gain. And one point being the affluent having a better chance of obtaining donors organs. I don't know enough about the program, but I also probably would not want to know the recipients, had it ever been an option of a family member. Maybe just a personal issue. I used to have it checked on my license, but in renewal I didn't. I think if it's anonymous I may opt in again. My Wife was buried. I have opted for cremation as to not burden my Daughter's with the huge expense i incurred. Someone bought a Mercedes from my bills, I think.

[serpico]

My wife would have loved to have been able to donate, but she had just returned from a mission trip to a third world country the night before her accident and thus they couldn't use anything. I was in a haze when the company called the night she died but I remember scrambling frantically to find out exactly which countries she had visited so they could determine whether they could use her corneas. I suppose it could have seemed invasive coming just hours after she died, but it gave me a sense of purpose to try to have some good come out of the tragedy.

[Guest Kamcho]

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[Jen]

Jim was a donor, but they weren't able to use any of his organs or tissues... truthfully, I don't think they even tried. I'm still a little resentful of that; I don't think he had good medical care before he died, while he was dying, or after he passed. But it's moot now, so I've let it go.

 

My mother is a kidney transplant coordinator for the local university hospital, and I'm amazed at what they do to match organs. From the surgeons and OR teams to the nurses who coordinate each case and then follow the recipients literally for the rest of their lives to the donation orgs who support the donor families... it's just incredible. I've been a donor since I first got my driver's license, and I've told my family to please give any bit of me that's usable once I'm done with it.

[serpico]

This is a little tangential, but it sort of morphs this topic and the 'doing good' topic so...

 

Please consider signing up on Be The Match, which puts together a pool of potential bone marrow donors (from the living) so that people with myriad blood diseases can receive life-saving transplants. The daughter of a friend received such a transplant and is doing very well, and it's so easy to get registered, so please consider it.

 

http://bethematch.org/Support-the-Cause/Donate-bone-marrow/

[Lisa]

The mainbp reason I advocate, other than the dire need us so oeopke wont have to make the decision in the worst moment of their lives as I did.I  know people have had very positive experiences meeting. Some donor families resent not hearing from the recipients.  Its a gift.  It is so individual and personal.

[Lisa]

Ive been on the marrow registry for at least 20 years. Im told i wouidnt be a suitable donor any more. You just need to be swabbed now.  I gave blood!

[keeptrying]

I have always been too nervous to be a donor. I worry that some horrible person in prison who did terrible crimes may get anything I donate. Which mean I contributed to something awful. I have seen a lot of things about where the first transplant hand was in prison and all the money and such it took. All the people with the most money get the donations first, and just random not so good things. Would I know who my many parts would go to? A child molester? A wife beater? I don't know. -

[serpico]

Would I know who my many parts would go to? A child molester? A wife beater?

 

Or, in another vein, the next Ghandi or Mother Teresa?

[keeptrying]

Just like tax dollars, you really hope for the best, but you never never really know. The difference is, I have a choice on this one!

[Lisa]

People cant buy organs. Wealthy people have the resources to go where more organs are available. Thats why it seens they get them at a higher rate. There are all kinds of  drama tv shows that have horrible made up black market stories. They are your organs and you have every right to keep them. I'm proud of our gift and it does no one any good  to think the gift went to some creep. It  is done. This isnt some movie script to those of us that made the gift of life, those who died waiting for a life saving donation or the 123,000 americans waiting right now. 21 people in tbe US will die today waiting for a life saving transplant. Feel free not to donate. That is absolutely your right. l assume all who would not donate would also not be willing to receive .

[Trying]

Yes it is true that you don't know who your organs would go to or have a say on if the recipient is "deserving" or not.  Luckily organ donation is voluntary and everyone has the right to make their own personal decision.  I would just like to say that if the only thing that is holding you back is that a recipient might be a criminal or morally corrupt person, I would ask you to really think about it.  Say these "bad" people represent 5% of the people on the transplant list (I just pulled this number out of the air) should the other 95% of the people on the list be penalized?  I would also like to expand on LisaPop's assumption that if you or your loved one was faced with needing a transplant to survive, would you refuse a life saving transplant because you couldn't be assured that the donor shared your morals and values?

 

I don't mean this in any way as a personal attack because I do think it's a very personal decision.  I am only trying to bring some thought provoking conversation to a delicate subject.  Like many things, if organ donation or transplant hasn't touched your life or the life of someone you know personally, you may not have many facts with which to base a decision.  The likelihood of my son needing a liver transplant in the future has brought me to research and care more about the process than I had before.  I struggle with the idea that he might die on a transplant list because there aren't enough donors or that the few viable livers are going to people whose liver disease was caused by lifestyle choices while his is caused by genetic bad luck.

[keeptrying]

I don't really think the decision has to do with morals personally. That you could go either way with it. If you believed in God, - God gives life, takes life, science is screwing with "God's plans" and all those other good lines. - As far as some one else not having the same morals as me, who's to say, everyone is different. Everyone picks and chooses what works for them. I know I can't be the only person on this board that is scared of organ donor transplants. To be honest, I admire people who could be strong enough and families that are strong enough to take that step. I think I am weak that way. Too emotional. It is hard to focus on the long term positive, when the images and thoughts of how it affects you personally hurts so much at the time. - At first I was sure that if anything happened to me or my husband, no embalming, pine box. I wouldn't want them to mess with the body, just want to naturally rot. Then I thought, logically I know he is dead, but emotionally I couldn't handle knowing he is away in some cemetery buried in the freezing cold. The thought of cremation killed me though, burning up everything, the only thing I had. I had to make the choice, keep him home with me, or leave him somewhere. - It is all emotion, not logic, and I think it comes down to that with organ and tissue donors. I admire the people that can be strong enough to try to help someone else. I make excuses for the reasons not to, when really I don't think I would be a strong enough person to take that step.

[Trying]

Keeptrying, I would not say you're not strong enough.  We all have issues that we react to more strongly with emotion than logic and we evolve and change opinions as we go through experiences in life.  The important thing to me is to be able to have open discussions.  My DH and I always spoke openly about our wishes so we would know what the others wishes were if we were faced with a difficult decision at our weakest moment.  Some of the things he was always strongly against in the abstract changed when he was sick and actually faced with the decision.