Feeling lost without the big guy

[Sugarbell]

My oldest is staying with my folks and going to school there. He loves it...it's a great school...he wants to play baseball for them this spring-It was absolutely the right decision to let him go early. I start work down there next week...he's coming home every weekend. He has spent weeks at my folks in the summer...it never bothered me that much. But it was summer.

 

This is killing me-I miss him. I know I am driving my folks crazy calling...I want to hear about his day, new friends, etc. he works out with my brother in the evenings-he's really doing well (and it's a large school they have him in advanced classes so he's challenged thank goodness).

 

But my heart aches...just a little. Damn when my kids go away to college I will be a basket case. 😩😩😩

[Trying]

Don't worry SB, the teenage years are designed so that you can't wait for them to get the hell out and go to college, lol!  Until then, hang in, you'll all be back together before you know it.

[SoVerySad]

I'm sorry you're missing your big guy so much, SB. I know he's a very special kid and all your kids are so dear to you. I hope the time until you are together full-time again passes quickly. What a wonderful opportunity for your parents to get to spend this time with him.

 

Tight hugs...

[luvmy2babies]

Oh my, I can't imagine.  My 12 year-old and I have never been apart for more than 3 days and that was almost 6 years ago when her Godparents took her with them for Spring break right after dh died.  She never wants to be gone for more than a night for a sleep over.  What an amazing sacrifice you've made for him.  I'm glad he is doing well.  Shows even more what a strong young guy you have.  Doesn't help a mommy's heart.  I hope the time passes quickly for you.

[mmg19]

Sorry SB for the emotions you are feeling.  Being with grandparents and feeling his comfort zone and security is helping him handle this transition.  Remember it is temporary and it is understandable how hard this is for you.  On the bright side, it is you calling and adjusting and not him saying he hated it and is homesick.  How wonderful your folks are able and willing to do this and work with you on this transition.  Go ahead and call 10 times a day, check out every thing that gives you peace of mind and keep telling yourself your gut was right and hang in there.  ((Hugs))  I bet he will love and appreciate the quality time with you on week-ends and the days you are down there.  Some parents have lots of quantity time and no quality time.  You are a good Momma.

[Sugarbell]

I am really shocked at myself...He is my most outgoing independent kid. He's been going to church camp for a week by himself since 3rd grade. He's at my folks for long weekends during hunting season, summers, etc. But never during the week during school. It's been just me for so many years-I know what his assignments are, teachers, friends, etc. I know a lot of teachers at his school now from high school. Some of my old friends have sons his age and they have helped so much. Honestly it was the realization that he needed more than just "I " could give him. My Mom is a retired teacher...my brother a workout trainer...they can give him the attention, structure, challenging classes that he couldn't get here--With 3 kids and all of our running every evening...I could tell that he was no longer challenged. Seriously I have cried for months because I knew he needed more than What's here. His new school has a no phone policy (yes in Stepford kids are allowed cell phones in class all day...my mom said his friends up here were texting and calling all day while school was in...luckily he has to leave it at my folks. He said the kids are more down to earth and nicer (it's a big school but rural lots of buses..he rides the bus from my folks house). He's in 8th grade math and reading ..(he's in 7th) and they bus kids in the morning to high school once they test out of those classes (he's in 7th). Everyone in Stepford makes straight As (if you have a pulse and show up) But the average ACT score is 15!!! I mean he wasn't in any kind of trouble YET...but it was definitely a breeding ground for it.

 

His 11 year old brother really misses him too. Honestly...he's kinda like the glue for all of us (yes I know he's 13..and it's embarrassing admitting this..he's an old soul..hard to explain).

 

We are the ones adjusting...he's happy and fine. And even though my heart hearts a little...I really feel a peace I haven't felt for him in almost a year. And I feel his Dad around him constantly. He's the 4 year old who knew when his Dad passed, how he passed and where to find him. There's a connection there I logically can't explain.

 

He's going to do great things....but he needs a village not just me. (My other 2 kids are just normal age appropriate kids...he's not...he's never been a "kid")

[linda5]

SB, what a great opportunity you gave your son!  You're letting him spread his wings and grow. Really proud of you for letting him go live at your parent's house.

[Trying]

You should be so proud of yourself for seeing the big picture for your son and all 3 of your children, and finding a way to get him what he needs.  I'm sure with the stress of getting your house ready to sell you are feeling extra emotional, I know I was last year.  You have a lot of additional stress in the months ahead but this move sounds like the right choice for your family and it will all be worth it.  For now, your family dynamics will shift and maybe you see the other 2 adjusting and taking on new roles.  How awesome that your oldest is adjusting and thriving so well, he sounds like a remarkable boy!

[ieh21]

That is amazing. Amazing that you were strong enough to face all of these emotions and still do what's best. You never cease to impress me. You are such a great parent. The bright side for the three of you is that this might bring you even closer. Or at least it can give you more opportunities for one-on-one time. Plus, this is simplifying your life a little bit at least, logistically, no? Anyway, nothing I say will make it fine that he is elsewhere, I know. And I understand that having been the only witness to his dad's life, there's a special bond there too. Something very special. You did well, sadly you've acted against your own immediate self-interest. Slow clapping from me. And hugs too.

[Sugarbell]

Thanks everyone.

 

He's been there 2 weeks and loves it. I started work down there last week and stayed a few nights at my folks house so spent time with him. My Mom was here with my other 2...I am doing 2 nights a week down there and 3 nights a week up here during the week. Feel like a have joint custody with my parents lol

 

I lloved being down there with work::/it's like q whole new community:::I haven't lived there since a graduated high school. But I know it's where all of us at this point in our lives are supposed to be.

 

But boy was the next 5 months are going to be tough::.on everyone.