long distance relationships

[imissdow]

I have been talking to a really cool guy for about a month now he lives about a hour from me. We met on-line.  We had one date just over a week ago,rescheduled from the massive snowstorm we had the week before. lasted 4 hours it would have been longer but I had to pick up a kid. We have texted or talked every day sense. Last weekend he had a family birthday party to go to a hour in the opposite of me direction from his house. This coming weekend is my 10yo's birthday and she has had a sleepover with 2 of her friends planned for months. So I'm not free.  Plan is to get together for a second date the following weekend. We have already had most of the talks that result in deal-breakers for me. He works nights 11-7 sometimes 6 days a week. I work days 6-1ish m-f. So basically I can only ever see him on a weekend if he's not working and my kids have nothing going on.  I'm trying to figure out if this can even work. How do you date a guy who's far enough away to make seeing him next to impossible? How do you keep a connection when it could be weeks between dates?  I have dated guys who lived a ways from me but usually we had someplace that we typically always saw each other at wither that was church,work, or some social thing on a weekly if not more often basis.  I will never just bump into this guy, we run in totally different areas.  I do realize it's really early, one date hardly makes us a couple.  But I guess I'm trying to figure out if it's worth giving it a shot or if I should just quit now before I get hurt. 

[Portside]

True love conquers all.

 

If it doesn't, it wasn't true love.

 

Good luck - Mike

[Guest TalksToAngels]

I work nights. Which wreaks havoc on normal life schedules.

But I've always managed my time where if it were possible to get together, it worked.

 

What Mike wrote, above. ^^^^^^^

[Jess]

Mike is right. For the right person, you make it work. My LDR is 1800 miles away so it is not only logistically inconvenient, it is also expensive to see each other every month or two. Yet, we have such an amazing connection that all the waiting, cost, and everything else that goes along with it is worth it.

[Guest TooSoon]

True love conquers all.

 

If it doesn't, it wasn't true love.

 

Good luck - Mike

 

Living proof here of what Mike says.  If it is meant to be, it is going to be and you'll work your way through and around those logistics.  As you know, I am in the world's most inconvenient and unlikely relationship - going on two years now.  Somehow we make it work and I know I can speak for adp too when I say that while sometimes it is frustrating, it is worth it a thousand times over. 

 

So glad to hear this news, imissdow.  One more reason for the PA widows to get together so that I can hear the whole story! 

[MrsDan]

I think it depends on how easy you find them to talk to. Because if you can talk on the phone, and find yourself never running out of things to talk about, then it's much easier to make long distance work. And frankly, in my experience that ability needs to be in place to make any relationship work. BF and I only live 30 minutes apart, but we're both very busy and each have a child. We do see each other a few nights a week, but on the other nights we talk on the phone, often for a couple hours.

[Mizpah]

I don't think of an hour as long distance - I commute an hour each way for work every day, and when I lived in the City until a couple years ago, it took 50 minutes to get anywhere always.  Could you get a babysitter every now and then and meet halfway between you guys?  Sounds like the work schedules are more difficult than the distance in my opinion.  It all depends on what you're willing to deal with, interest level in this guy, etc.  But I wouldn't let an hour stop you from having something good. 

 

Edited to add: I did a long distance relationship (3 1/2 hour drive apart) for a while, then moved to be with him.

[Guest TalksToAngels]

Love is truly blind. To every outside factor. Think it all comes down to fate.

 

[Trying]

I agree that it's not the distance as much as it is the conflicting schedules. NG and I are only 20 minutes apart and initially we had a hard time getting together because of our schedules and our kids schedules. Now that we have the kids involved it's easier to find a little more time to see each other but "alone time" is once a week for a few hours at best. After almost 2 years we can still talk for over an hour on the phone at night and we text a few times during the day. Very different than the single and childless dating days! 

[Guest TooSoon]

Adp and I finally after a year and a half of not talking on the phone ever (I know, we're weird), started talking more regularly on the phone and the other day 3 hours passed and it felt like 5 minutes!  Its the same when we get to be together - the conversation never ends and same in our emails.  We don't have the work logistics but we do have the time difference which has been hugely disruptive but we've developed a pattern and a mechanism for times when we (read: I) really need each other (read: I am flipping out and need him).  It has been an ongoing negotiation but I never expected to meet someone whose life wasn't as complicated as mine, whether through death, divorce, job differences (well, to be honest, I never expected to meet anyone at all; it just sort of happened).....just not possible or realistic when you're already living a life where you can't just up do whatever you want, whenever you want.  It is worth it though, like I said, a thousand times over with the right person.