selling our retirement dream

[klim]

So....I'm usually very positive, very strong. very happy. I haven't dwelled on  the loss of dh too much, it sounds harsh but most of the time I'm not very emotional about it. I'm practical. It happened now move on. My worst times/ stress have been when my  sons have had issues.

 

BUT

 

I'm having a little bit of triggering/stress right now and I'm not used to it. We bought a property in Florida that was going to be an investment but also a vacation home for when we retired. I'm selling it.

it can't be my dream alone, he was much more into it than I was. I was onbaord because living in florida would make him happy and therefor me happy. It does not work without him. The fact that real estate was his game and not mine adds to the stress.

 

BUt I think it's also  because it's one of the biggest things I've done that acknowledges he truly is gone. Throwing away clothes doesn't count. That may sound weird, it's not like I live in some fantasy world that thinks he might walk in the door, but I don't know, there is just some finality to this action.

 

Just wanted to share somwhere because I was feeling it and figured somebody here would understand

[skipd]

My house is currently under contract. My wife passed about 10 weeks ago and I have had that same practicality you speak of. I met someone new and her first time over it clicked that I had to sell it to move on. It hurts to think about because it feels like I'm ridding myself of everything my wife and I spent 10 years creating. I do not look forward to the final walk through after all items are in the moving truck.

 

I feel your pain. It is good that you recognize it though and realize that new goals, your goals, are more important than holding onto the property that ultimately no longer fits your future.

[SoVerySad]

Sending you hugs, klim. Letting go of shared future dreams is hard, I think, because we never got to make the memories of them to have to hold onto. I don't know if that makes sense or not. As times passes, I'm finding it easier to feel really blessed for the time T & I shared and the memories I have. But those things we planned for the future hurt, because we never actually got to do them.

 

More hugs...

[Trying]

This is a really big step, I'm sure it's triggering all kinds of emotions.  Having to sort through what dreams are his, mine or ours has been tough.  When you've been married for so long all of those dreams become so intertwined and suddenly you're faced with having to decide what you want for yourself. 

 

Big hugs to you.

[kjs1989]

klim, I get this.

 

My husband was an outdoorsman and conservationist. He had a very stressful job so it was an escape for him to just be out there doing his thing. About a year before he died he made a huge investment in a property with lakes for fishing and wetlands for waterfowl. He loved that property and it was his dream for his retirement. I'm talking, it was EVERYTHING to him. He was out there working on that land to enhance the habitat at almost every opportunity.

 

But, after he died I was left with a huge, huge mortgage on land 90 minutes from our home. What was I going to do with it? I had no idea if anyone was tresspassing on the land, hunting it, fishing, etc. It was an enormous worry for me. I mentioned selling it and D's brother had a complete fit. He threw major guilt on me by telling me it was all he had left of his brother. He got my sons involved emotionally and then they started in on me to keep it.. The bottom line was my sons are never going to be the outdoorsman my husband was. It is not their passion. They enjoyed being there with him, but they were 18 and 22, at the time and doing their own thing. They would never have been able to maintain the property at their ages, or even enjoy it anywhere to the degree he did.

 

So, with the help of my husband's accountant I put it up for sale. D's brother attempted to buy it but could not get a loan. More guilt ensued. It was awful.  It was not long that an investor made a legitimate offer and I sold it. D's brother does not speak to me over the issue and a host of other issues. It is what it is. The boys and I talk about it now and they get it.. The oldest lives in Canada now and the youngest has two years left of college and his own dreams and aspriations.

 

We do what we have to do. It sucks, but we can't live our husbands dreams. We can honor their wishes when it is feasible, but we are the ones left to pick up the pieces and figure things out. Sad as it is, practicality and realism have to be a priority.

 

It is about US now.

[ladybug]

I understand what everyone said and how hard it is to "move on".

I had to sell my husband's work truck and all his tools.  They were no good to me and I needed the money.

 

His family didn't want me to do that, but I had to do it.  Why keep a huge truck and tons of tools around, that are in the way of my life.  I know that sounds very harsh, but it is the way that I looked at it.

 

That was years ago and things were never the same between his family and I again.

 

Our loved ones are gone now and we need to take care of us.  My husband was a very good man, and I know he would want me to take care of myself.

 

In my opinion, we honor them when we take care of ourselves.

 

 

[Nuggets]

The response to:  'John would have wanted/said/did XXXX'

Me:  'John lost his vote by dying on me.'

 

We had plans, hopes and dreams -- they changed, we had to change. 

 

I hate the guilt trips I am reading in previous posts, and those are never helpful ~ but your loss, your rules.  If you own the tools, land, classic car, dried toad collection or ? -- it is YOURS to do what  you want or need to do.  End of story.