LTSLforever Posted March 6, 2016 Share Posted March 6, 2016 I lost the love of my life, Steve, on Nov. 6, 2015 four months ago. Steve had myelofibrosis a rare disease of the bone marrow. To save his life, he had a stem cell transplant in August 2014. He experienced very bad graft vs. host disease and was on high levels of prednisone. The prednisone caused osteoporosis, which resulted in nine compression fractures in his spine and one fracture in his sternum. Then there was the double pneumonia. On Oct. 31, 2015 Steve and I got married (spiritual ceremony, no time to make it legal) in his hospital room. My mom and sister attended. It was the most beautiful wedding a woman could ever wish for. I am not sure if Steve was aware of the fact that he was going to die. Steve was my world, my soulmate and my best friend. When I lost Steve, I lost everything. The pain of losing him has been excruciating. At first, I did not want to live. I could not handle the deep burning pain (not that I can cope with it now). I am still waiting for him to come home. Steve you will be my forever love. Not long after Steve died, my mom was diagnosed with leukemia. This world sucks! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Wife of Tomasz Posted March 6, 2016 Share Posted March 6, 2016 LTSLforever I am so sorry for your loss. I lost my Tom in Sept 2015, and I so relate to what you said about this pain. He is my everything and life without him is unbearable. Hang in there. Hugs Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lcoxwell Posted March 6, 2016 Share Posted March 6, 2016 Words seem so inadequate, but I am truly sorry for your loss and that you have a reason to be here. In these early months, the pain truly is excruciating. In the first few days and weeks, I remember people telling me to take things one step at a time, and I truly tried. Then one particularly difficult day hit, and I remember thinking how hard it is to take one step, when you are drowning in the middle of the ocean, with waves crashing down on your head, and you can't even feel the ground underneath your feet. The people here gave me a life raft, though, and they pulled me back to shore and helped me to stand, once again. Hopefully, being here will help you, too. Please, come here as often as you feel the need to read or to post. I promise, there will always be someone here, willing to listen, or who can relate in some way. In the meantime, please remember to try and take care of yourself. Eat when you can. Sleep when you can. Drink plenty of water and exercise. When all else fails, just remember to breathe. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SoVerySad Posted March 6, 2016 Share Posted March 6, 2016 LTSLforever, I am so sorry for the loss of your husband, Steve. It sounds like you both went thru a lot. I'm also sorry about your mom's diagnosis. It is hard to understand how there can be so much hurt in this world. Those of us who have been in your position, fully understand how fitting the word excruciating is to describe such a deep loss. I hope you will find some comfort here just knowing that we understand and are here to support you. Sending you a tight, tight hug... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Trying Posted March 7, 2016 Share Posted March 7, 2016 I hope that your wedding brings you some comfort as you face the deep pain of your loss. Having that opportunity to express your love and leave nothing left unsaid was a bright light during your darkest days. I also hope that this group also provides you a life raft during this storm as it has done for so many of us, a place where people understand the depth of pain and the complexities of grief in a life after loss. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jen Posted March 7, 2016 Share Posted March 7, 2016 No words... so many hugs. I am so sorry. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LTSLforever Posted March 13, 2016 Author Share Posted March 13, 2016 Thanks everyone for your kind words. So many tears, so much pain. I just can't cope with life. I feel useless and hopeless. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Amor Posted March 14, 2016 Share Posted March 14, 2016 Forever Love the words on my heart ring so true. When asked if I am married I always want to say yes forever even after death. I am truly sorry you have to be in this most painful state. There are no words to say that can take away this pain. For now grieve, take care of yourself. In a safe place let the feeling roll over you, take whatever peace and comfort you can get. Give yourself the time you need to. Chat with us when you need to vent without judgment. Coping maybe for awhile just getting the basic needs, food, plenty of water, and sleep. That is ok. Be kind to yourself. Crying is a good thing it lets you grieve (heal the open wounds of your heart). (((hugs))) Amor Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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