Three years...

[MrsT85]

Three years ago this morning, I left for work and said good-bye to him for the last time.  I was concerned and commented on how tired he looked.  I asked if he'd be okay doing his Friday night DJ shift.  He smiled (with those horrible purple bags under his eyes) and assured me he'd take an energy shot and be okay.

 

Less than 24 hours later he was gone.  Crashed into a tree with a car full of DJ equipment - likely (although there is no way to ever be sure) because he had dozed off behind the wheel. 

 

Had I gone with him to karaoke that night (like I did 90% of the time), either he'd still be alive because I helped keep him awake, or I'd be dead too - crushed next to him in the passenger seat.  Makes me think of The Smiths song There is A Light that Never Goes Out" .... To die by your side, Is such a heavenly way to die ....

 

Spent a big portion of my morning commute today listening to music with tears streaming down my face.  Expect the same thing to happen tomorrow, technically his actual "death date."

 

Holy hell, do I still miss him....love him and miss him so much....

 

 

[Mrskro]

MrsT.

 

So many hugs.  I'm so sorry.  I can't imagine how hard it is thinking the what ifs.    And I'm sorry tomorrow will be the same. 

 

HUGS

[SimiRed]

{{HUGS}}

[canadiangirl]

Thinking of you.  It's not right. Such a profound loss.

[twistedmensa]

Sending some positive vibes your way.

[Captains wife]

I'm so sorry - my husband died suddenly too in an accident and it was a fluke that I wasn't with him. I think a lot about what ifs and it will be 4 years for me in May. Hugs to you - this sucks....

[Trying]

(((Hugs)))

[Guest TooSoon]

MrsT, no words.  I remember us three years ago though when it was really not pretty.  Tim and Scott rest easy knowing we're finding our way.  And keep listening to the music - god knows it is the one thing that might have kept and still keeps me standing.  All my love. 

[MrsDan]

I'm sorry. I have so many what ifs too. So many moments in the day when I still can't believe it. I can't believe we've been doing this for three years. 

[BrokenHeart2]

Giant hugs MrsT85. 3yrs, where did the time go. The what ifs are excruciating sometimes. I'm at 3 yrs next month and starting to get that feeling too.

Blessings to you.

[SoVerySad]

Sending you love and the tightest of hugs from another recent 3 year wid. I've grown so fond of so many of you who started this journey around the same time as I did. So much heartache and challenges we've faced together over these 3 long years. I'm really rooting for you to continue to find happiness MrsT, though I know you will always love and miss Tim. The missing doesn't lessen any, does it?

 

More hugs...

[MrsT85]

Thanks everyone - for your kind words, understanding and support.  Especially my fellow 3+ year wids, who have been here (and on the old YWBB) with me every step of the way.  Everyone in my personal life knows what I mean when I say "The boards...." because of how vitally important this community and you all have been for me.

 

Last night my mother and I went to visit and have dinner with Tim's mother and grandmother.  He's been gone long enough now where we're starting to get the sense that soon we'll be the only one who recognize and grieve a little extra on 4/6.  I'm grateful that I still have her in my life and that she tells me that I'll always be "her girl" even as I move forward and try to build Chapter 2 existence with a man who's not her son. 

 

Again...so many thanks and hugs back to you guys.  I'm so grateful for you all as well :*)