Counseling...

[SoVerySad]

So I finally was able to find a counselor with openings in my area. I take my son to counseling, but haven't ever done it myself. I'm looking for advice on how a control freak approaches counseling. I honestly believe all that I've been through should have completely wiped out my control issues in teaching me that I only can control very little, but it hasn't. I like having a plan, etc. You all can appreciate how the plans I had worked so hard to put into place with my husband have been blown to bits.

 

Should I be trying to plan for this first visit - to anticipate questions, etc.? I'm pretty desperate for this to help. Should I make a list so I can think clearly when I go? I've been seeing a Psychiatrist to manage my meds, but that is all he does. We've done very little talking. I am usually only in his office for 10 - 15 mins tops.

 

Sigh... anxiety sucks when you feel so anxious that you are fretting so much about what is supposed to be a helpful experience.

 

Any advice would be appreciated.

[Guest TooSoon]

Great news!  And good for you for taking this step.  As you well know, we are big proponents of talk therapy over here!  Even when I've had a therapist who wasn't a perfect match, I benefited.  So as long as they're not a total crack-pot (like the one who told me I was going to ruin my child's life if I went back to work) and given how hard it has been for you to find one, give it some time even if at first it doesn't seem like a perfect fit. 

 

I have approached counseling two ways, either the "open up the whole can of worms" approach or the "I have this one specific issue at the moment and let's focus on that" approach (which usually leads over time to the "opening up the whole can of worms"). 

 

As far as preparation goes, I'd think about what issues are most pressing and outline those in light of the key events in your story. 

 

There must be something in the air; I just made an appointment to start again....xoxo

[Wheelerswife]

SVS,

 

I've spent some time behind closed doors with a counselor myself.  I'm also a bit of a control freak, and the lack of control over what happens to me is my biggest anxiety/panic trigger.  My experience is that whatever seems to need to come out in a session comes out...and that usually means tears for me first.  Often when I scheduled appointments, I didn't know what I needed to talk about, I just knew I needed to talk about SOMETHING.  I've never walked out of a session without figuring out what that was. 

 

I guess my advice would be to walk in open-minded.  You aren't going to solve all of your issues in one session, but you may find that you can articulate them in ways you haven't before, and you might find that your new therapist will validate and support you.  Just knowing that you have someone to do that - at least to me - is a big part of the counseling process.

 

I think that most counselors and therapists want to help US figure out how to get through OUR situations and issues.  My department at the university is embedded in our counseling center, and although I know that each counselor or therapist has their own preferred approach, none of them get confrontational with people, particularly early on in the process.  My counselor has asked me some pointed questions at times when he wanted me to look at something from a different perspective, but he did it in a gentle way.  He seems to know when to push me.

 

I have a feeling your most pressing concerns will rise to the top.  Try not to worry about preparing...at a visceral level, I think you already know what you need.

 

Hugs,

 

Maureen

[mmg19]

(((SVS)))  Thinking about you and hoping for good things from counseling.  The responses from others are good and I can only add "go with your main issue".  I wouldn't prepare other than to have your main concern brought up early.  Many times one thing leads to another and this may help your anxiety.

 

Talk therapy is my preferred approach to help for myself.  If I'm totally honest it helps me see different viewpoints.  The one time I decided to project what I wanted my image to be and what I wanted the outcome to be, it was futile.  We all have times when just an unbiased listener can lead us to the "Aha phenomenon".  It's worth a try.

[SoVerySad]

Thank you all. I start next week. I'll keep your contributions in mind. I'll be having just returned from a trip to the beach, so I'm hoping that maybe I can clear my head with a little time spent in the salt air and be more relaxed and ready to start.

 

Hugs to each of you!!!

[imissdow]

Done some therapy, quite a bit in fact, a would also consider myself a control freak to a point. I figure if I'm paying to see someone they can talk about whatever I want. However that always seems to be everything. My therapist is great because I go for awhile and quit and go back and quit. As she said if I'm doing well I don't need her.

[trying2breathe]

The good thing about counseling is that it's all about you - in my opinion there's no right or wrong way to go about it.  Depending on your therapist, he/she will give you some guidance.   

 

Enjoy your beach holiday! 

 

[LTSLforever]

"Should I be trying to plan for this first visit to anticipate questions, etc."

 

Great question.  I have been in and out of therapy - before my relationship with Steve, during his illness and after his death (now). I usually do not plan anything and I never anticipate the therapists questions.  Of course, the first few sessions will be about getting to know you and your story.  Sometimes I write a list of all the crap going on in my head so I do not forget to discuss anything.  I am a little ADD so I am often all over the place, jumping from one subject to another- different subjects just pop into my head.  Focus is important and beneficial but also letting things flow from your heart can be very soothing.  One great part of therapy is venting and having your feelings validated.  Going in with an open mind and good attitude important.  One thing I realize is that I  spend too much time venting/crying  and not enough time working on ways to cope with life. 

 

Finding the right therapist can be difficult. I have had many.  One psychiatrist feel asleep at two of the sessions; those were the only two that I attended - don't even know why I went back after the first session.  Another one told me I had lots of problems - why did she think I was going to her in the first place - obviously, I wasn't the happiest/healthiest person in the world.  Of course, I know I had problems - I was not in denial so she didn't need to rub it in.

 

Hope you have a wonderful vacation.  Relax and enjoy your children.  Wishing you the very best on this next step of your healing process.

 

 

[SoVerySad]

Just letting you all know my first session went really well. I liked the counselor a lot. I felt hopeful when I left the office, which is a rare emotion for me lately. She told me this won't be a fast process as I've been through so much in such a short period of time, but she said we'll work through it together.

 

Thank you again for the encouragement and support!