Having a Rough Time

[AubreeAnn]

This is so hard. I don't want to do this. Why should I have to go on? I see no hope or reason for being here really.. I just want this all to end.

[Wheelerswife]

Yes, it is really hard.  I felt like this for awhile.  Sometimes, my heart goes backwards and this feeling rises up again, but it is less overwhelming.  Sometimes, I literally had to check the clock to see if time was truly passing by.  Sometimes, I made it through by staring at walls, chatting on Facebook, or reading this board and its predecessor. 

 

There is hope, though.  I know it because I have lived it once and I hold onto that hope that I will rise out of this misery and find reason to live and love and be happy again.  I'm approaching 2 1/2 years since I lost my second great love.  I remember when he died that I wondered how I would get to the point where I was counting time in half-years and years, yet here I am. 

 

I know you don't want to have to do this, but the only way to do it is to go through it.  Reach out to others here if that works for you.  I made it through my first loss by spending evenings in the chat room.  You will find your way. 

 

Hugs, 

 

Maureen

[Laurat679]

I feel exactly the same way a lot!  I think about that I've got probably a good 50 years before I'll ever see him again hopefully.  My husband has been gone for just over a week, crazily, we had this conversation after a funeral a few months ago and I had said to him you know if anything ever happened to you early on, I would never be able to function with out you. I can just hear his voice going on saying he'd want me to move on.  Well I don't know what move on will look like but I am going to keep the plans we had and start from there.  I loved him so much that I'd hate for him to be so upset that I've been destroyed even though that's how I feel.  This just sucks!

[donswife]

It is really hard and I wish I had magical words that would make this pain go away

Just hold on and try and get through the next minute /day

whenever I felt this way I tried to tell myself that I was the one that had to keep the memory of Mydon alive

I  kept reading and posting here so I knew I wasn't alone and you need to know we are here for you

Take care

[LTSLforever]

I wish I could give you a big hug and tell you everything will be okay.  I have written those words several times and still have those thoughts.  Just want to let you know that we understand and that you are not alone.

[Kater]

Yup.  Know that feeling.  At this point, I feel like life will forever just be about going through the motions.  But then I read comments on these boards about others that have found meaning and purpose to their lives again, and it gives me faith and hope that we all can get there too. 

 

Sending you a hug to help you through these difficult early days,

Kate

 

[AubreeAnn]

Thank you all so much. I wish I could hug you all in appreciation for always being here for me. I just wish this wasn't my life and I'm not sure how to make it.

[Pauleena89]

I am right where you are. It's been a week and two days. And I'm staring at walls, checking this board and looking at dinning room tables (he was going to make me a table for my birthday which is two weeks away) and crying... Pretty sure I will be at this point forever. I don't want to be this person, I want the person I was when he was here. But I read about all these other women who have moved on, and found some meaning in life. I too have about 50 years before we meet again, as I quietly hope that it's less. I just want to be with him already. I don't want this life without him, seems like a really sad movie. All I can say is we will somehow all get through this, I hope. Even though sometimes it seems like time is standing still and yet it's moving too fast at the same time. Those 2 weeks and 2 days feel like they were yesterday and sometimes it feels like it's been months. I hope you hang in there, and I truly hope it gets a little easier for both of us. Thinking of you!

[Quixote]

I wish there were magic words.  But it hurts for a reason.  Five years ago, pretty much the only reason I kept living was a) my wife made me promise to. And b) my dog depended on me (that's not a joke). 

 

Eventually, life doesn't hurt as much.  It takes a good amount of time, and the pain never really leaves.  But you start feeling like things have value again. 

 

Hugs, and just try to make it day to day