I hate being the person who has to lock up for the night

[donswife]

I know this may seem a bit petty

I hate that I am now the person who goes around and closes all the windows, closes up the garage, and checks to make sure the cars are locked before bed.

Don used to do this and I never gave it a care in the world.

I miss the man who used to do this

It was like every night he was protecting me and our home.

It may seem like a little thing but I so miss the little things

[JeanGenie]

Donswife, Not petty at all.  It's all those little ways they showed us how much they loved and protected us. We brace ourselves for the big things, but it's these little reminders that hit us unexpectedly the hardest.

Sending you warm hugs,

JG

[Taurus]

..I hate that I am now the person who goes around and closes all the windows, closes up the garage, and checks to make sure the cars are locked before bed.

 

You "hate" it because it's the last thing at night at the end of the day which reminds you so much of him. Instead of hating it, why not look at it as your own private time with him, as if saying to him "See? I'm carrying on and doing your chores because you're not here..."

 

My beloved always got up in the morning to prepare breakfast for the girls, and she never went to bed before her kitchen was spotless...it was just something she did. Now, I get up early to prepare breakfast and stay up late to tidy up and leave the kitchen spotless. I enjoy it because it's my private time to think about and to remember her, not so much with sadness as with an acknowledgement, love and appreciation of how special she is in our lives.

[BrokenHeart2]

I hear you DW. I have to do that now and that was his thing.  I miss so many of those little things too.  I didn't realize just how many there were.  Like the sky, it covers everything

 

[SoVerySad]

DW, I still hate doing this every night. It isn't difficult or time-consuming. It just was his routine of securing everything for us. Now I no longer have him to provide that peace of mind or care about us so much. It is just me now and it sucks to be reminded of that every night. It is one of the few chores that are now mine that make me feel like I'm doing his job.

 

Tight hugs to you...

[Kater]

In the first few months, there were several mornings I got up to discover the front door had been unlocked all night.  My mom started texting me to remind me to check the doors.  I didn't fully realize how I just trotted off to bed while he would take the dogs out and lock up until he wasn't here to do it. 

 

I agree - not a big thing time or effort wise - but a big end of the day reminder of what we've lost.

[Quixote]

It's the pattern.  My wife would invariably get to the bottom of the stairs when we'd go out and then ask me "Did you check to make sure everything was off?"  Of course I hadn't, so I'd say "Sure!"  And of course she knew I was fibbing, so she would kick me in the ankle and then clump back up the stairs to check while I played with our dog. 

 

I tried not checking after I lost her.  But I could her her audibly sigh with irritation.  So me and the dog would check together.  Then I'd sit on the bottom step and cry.  Things like that filled my first year alone.  I think it's pretty normal.

[Tatianakm]

For all these years my husband would not let me leave any of the appliances running while we were out. He would turn everything off, for him is was a common sense.  My common sense was that none of the chores would need my attention and we would come home to everything done, dishes and laundry and so on. No, he would not have it, everything had to be off just in case.

 

Despite many years of conditioning and that deep inner voice, I left my dishwasher running, granted I used dish soap, instead of the tablets, I've run out of tablets, came home to some small mountains of foam all over the kitchen floor and poor cat with a puzzled look, like "WTF did you do that for?". Widow brain. I swear I could hear my husband laughing like "you fool..." as I was mopping up , crying and laughing at the same time.  Thankfully my cork floors are forgiving, everything dried up beautifully, will never leave my appliances on while out, that is for sure!

[donswife]

thanks so much for all your responses

It is just so great to know I am not alone in this

that is why I come here 

thanks again

 

[Jen]

I get it. I absolutely get it. I miss feeling safe and protected. I can take care of myself-- of course I can, I always have-- but the brief time I had my Jim was the only time in my adult life I felt completely... safe. Now that's gone, and panic is always just a few breaths away. There's no reason for it, other than I feel like I've been falling for two years. I hate it.

 

Hugs.

[Bunny]

I can take care of myself-- of course I can, I always have-- but the brief time I had my Jim was the only time in my adult life I felt completely... safe.

 

That reminds me of something my father told me towards the end of my dh's life- 'after you married T, I never worried about you anymore'. because he knew and trusted that T's first priority would always be my safety.

 

It took me a while to get the hang of battening down the hatches each night, and I did forget to lock my doors more than once, but it got easier and less laden with feelings of loss over time. Now, it can make me smile to remember that part of his love for me, how lovely it was to trust in his protection so fully...

[DavidsKtBeth]

I'm the same way! I mean.. I only have 2 doors to lock (I live on the 2nd floor of a duplex) but I'll be in bed some nights and think.. did I remember to lock the door? Oh well.. maybe I'll get lucky and someone will kill me and I can see Dave again.. but.. I have a 100lbs. Dog with an intense bark so I doubt anyone would bother coming all the way to the second floor..

[TofinoMan]

In the city i always locked the doors and windows.

Here i don't ever lock the patio doors just the back door.

We leave windows open etc.

I feel a thousand times safer here with doors unlocked than i did with them locked in the city.

My dog is not vicious but he would bark his deep bark to let me kno2 a stranger in present to if they came in.

[Guest Lost35]

Donswife, I hear you.  Oddly, I was just thinking the other day that I hate never coming home to the house unlocked,  with lights on.  It is always locked up, unless I am home.  It has been almost eight years.  But I miss coming home to lights on and life in the house, other than mine.  It would be nice for there to be something to come home to...

 

-L.