Seeing elderly couples

[Abitlost]

Couples our age I can handle. Seeing fathers with their kids I can handle. DH got to do those things -- far too briefly, but he still got to do them.

 

Elderly he will never be. We'll never be that cute white-haired couple holding hands in the grocery store I saw today. This gets me every. single. time.

[SemperFidelis]

Yeah, I will admit this gets me too.... It reminds me of feeling like I got royally screwed out of some sort of fantasy. But not an unrealistic fantasy....one that should have been perfectly attainable. I could look at wedding pictures of others and not feel a thing.....but the white haired elderly couple walking down the street....they don't know how close they are to being decked by this young widow ;-) lol

[SoVerySad]

Seeing them makes me happy for them, but also unleashes a fresh wave of pain knowing that T and I will never get that chance. I saw somewhere the other day a couple celebrating their 82nd wedding anniversary. One was 100 and the other was 104, I believe. Amazing. Blessed. Enviable.

[linda5]

I thought I was the only one that wanted to know why they get their happily ever after!  For the first year after my husband died, I would think that one of them should die.  (I know, I was horrible and so very angry!)  At more than 3 years out, I'm happy to say that I no longer wish one of them would die.  I'm still envious of the time they have together, but it makes me smile now and just long for what will never be.

[maddalena]

now I look back at my DH who died before he turned 62 years old, and i marvel at how young and beautiful he was. That he's never going to get old and saggy like his brother and sister who are still alive are.

 

[Quiet Storm]

I get it, but you never know what road those elderly couples took to get where they are. One or both of them could have been widowed. It could be a second or third chance at love.

 

On another note, my m-i-l died two years ago, and, after 55 years with his wife, my f-i-l is having such a hard time. I mean, what a luxury to have your spouse for that long, but my goodness. It's eye opening to see grief in advanced age.

[MrsDan]

I have an easier time with elderly couples than I used to, but seeing two parent families still gets to me. Seeing two parents parenting together, that's rough.

[SoVerySad]

Yes, MrsDan, it is tough. My daughter started band camp this week. Friday night will be a potluck dinner and preview performance of the half-time show they are putting together this week. All band members and their families come. I'm already dreading it, looking around wistfully at all the other "complete" families. I think I mind it more than she does, which is good.

 

[MrsT85]

Yeah, it stings.  Tim and I were such a good fit, so we'd talk all the time about how much we were looking forward to growing old together.  How we'd never ever get bored with each other, and how even though we weren't yet parents how much we would enjoy our "empty nest" years together.  He was just 36.  Would have turned 39 this year.  We should have had another 40 years and if either of us didn't make it to old age it should have been the diabetic - me.  My particular emotional shiv is seeing young families at music festivals and concerts.  The 30something father carrying around a toddler on their shoulders or lovingly following them from a few steps back as they clumsily explore the crowd as his wife looks on at both of them with such pride and joy.  He wanted so badly to be that father, and though I'm certain that new husband will also make a great father one day I know we'll never be *that* kind of perfect family that I spent years admiring and longing to be a part of.

 

Life is back on track, and mostly good again.  But I think SVS has the perfect word.  I'm still so wistful for the life I'm confident I'd be living now and for decades in the future. 

[tybec]

When I take my elderly mother to her cardiologist appts.,it hits me hard. All these old couples together, hanging on, dealing with some medical issue TOGETHER.  And here is me and my mom, both widowed.  Feel so alone.  One of many reasons I decided I didn't want to be alone.

 

Been to 3 weddings this year.  Couldn't go before, since I know what the vows mean, as I didn't get it at 21 yrs. old, of course.  Well, NG went with me to last one.  He is divorced, wife left him, child of divorce.  Does not have the great faith in marriage, and I get it (yes, why we are dating, only God knows for sure....)  So, they do this anniversary dance, now as a tradition.  All married couples dance, and they have the shortest marriages leave the floor, until they get down to the longest married couple.  My neighbors sitting at my table danced, and then sat, sharing they were having their 25th in the next two weeks.  I am sitting there with NG, and all I could think was, "We would have had ours Dec. 2015. We were married longer than you." But not true, and I have a date with me!  Totally understand the crazy way your brain can think with triggers like elderly couples.  :-\

[SemperFidelis]

Tybec, I completely get your train of thought with the anniversary dance thing. I would be having all the same thoughts and feelings in that situation too.

[sdarrah1130]

Tybec, I was at a wedding recently with my NG (fellow widower) they also had the "marriage" dance.

 

I politely got up an went outside for fresh air.  I don't think NG even realized why I did it.    I thought the same things regarding DH.  We would have been married 14 years in NOV.

 

[Frederick]

I have to admit the congratulations for long anniversaries get to me. Yes, congratulations for one of you not succumbing to an illness/accident that you have no control of, that must be quite a feat...

[TornApart]

Yes, been there. I even got jealous of my parents reaching their 40th anniversary. We only got five years, and 10 in total. But I am glad I got that much. I think old age alone will be hard. At least now, my mum can come along to medical appointments with me if I need her. Who is my next of kin when my parents are gone? If I fall in my own home alone, who notices?

[cassandra]

When I see elderly couples, it's very bittersweet. 

 

I know I will never have more than the 19 years my husband and I had.  And we would have been freaking adorable as old people shuffling down the street holding hands or feeding the pigeons in the park!

 

I can't get sad or angry though, because I wonder as I look at the older couples, if one or both of them lost their first spouse and this is their chapter two.  It gives me hope that I can find that new love again too.