Son BDay/DH death day/Huge party again

[Sugarbell]

9 years Sept 24th since DH took his life. For those who don't know that is also my middle sons 12th BDay.

 

Every year he has a blow out party...he always wants it here..and wants it at our new house.

He never discusses that it's "the day" but this year he requested next door neighbor from Stepfords kid and 2 other friends from Stepford. His comment "They are always with me on my BDay..since the beginning"--I knew what he meant. And he's having 3 friends from new town spend the night.

 

And of course...I am letting him. I am nuts but this is what I do every year.

 

Oh and OOD walk...it's the 24th in the city outside of Stepford...walking (only not at all involved anymore with planning it).. Picking 3 friends driving an to our house...new friends show up...all nighters...drive north next morning to take old friends home.

 

I will probably be throwing this kid huge Bday parties when he's 30. This has become my normal this time of year.

 

 

[SoVerySad]

I have always felt so sad for both you and your son that your husband's death was on his birthday. You are such a good Mom, SB. You have managed to not allow the loss to be the focus of that day. It can't have been easy to pull off a party when you are dealing with conflicting emotions, especially earlier on. I hope that your son enjoys the party.

 

Tight hugs...

[Sugarbell]

The first year or two it literally took my breath away...I had major panic attacks trying to keep it together for him. His birthday is always the biggest over the top party...and my other 2 kids have never complained or gotten jealous...nothing is ever said..but it's just the way it's always been. M

 

The past 5 years...it's always been extremely busy..strange...but their is always half a dozen things crammed into one day (2 years in a row I got stuck working baseball concessions/then party...One year we had to travel a few hours for baseball game then party.

 

This year...kids from 2 different towns...party...plus getting up early to walk OOD walk (on DHs D day) and see old friends of his that I don't see very often. The walk is always an emotionally draining experience. So it's really no longer a sad day...but a day of sheer exhaustion.😁😳😣🙄. I guess it's always helped me from thinking too much on that day. Still 9 years later it's a little overwhelming. Smell of Fall still takes me back almost a decade...probably always will.❤️

[Mizpah]

That sounds exhausting and kind of upsetting.  But I think it's really awesome about your son.  It seems like it would be so easy for him to be sad that day every day and to want to retreat like a turtle and lick wounds each time.  I love that he wants to celebrate and have a huge party.  It's some kind of sweet triumph of life over darkness.  Maybe I'm reading too much into it, and maybe it's simply that kids love parties and birthdays, but I think it's cool....

[Julester3]

I get it. I exhaust myself so I'm too tired to be sad. I think I'm starting like you. My youngest just had her birthday and she was very close to her dad. We don't do big parties but once in awhile but I really blew it out this year to replace some of her sadness with some great smiles, laughter, surrounded by friends. I think we take on as much or too much just for the sake of our kids. Hugs!

[mmg19]

Wow!! Hoping for lots of laughter, smiles, and happy memories.  Oh Yes, and a coffee pot that keeps going to keep you awake.  Thanking my good fortune for 2 sets of grandparents who have us all to a sit down restaurant each year of the birthday child's choice with two of their friends.  Birthday boy chooses venue.  Good Luck!

[Sugarbell]

That's usually whAt my other 2 kids do...although grandparents do dinner separately.

 

We were married outdoors in the fall...always had a "Welcome Fall" party with friends at our house...I decorate for fall. I am not a Christmas party person...and decorate to a minimum for Christmas. When DH died I guess I wanted continue the fall tradition and my little guy always wanted friends at the house. The walk being death day/bday is kind of a pain...but oh well.

 

This is also my child...out of the 3 kids...who looks exactly like his Dad..quiet personality, same mannerisms..so I always tell myself it's a "Circle of Life" Day.

 

But yeah it's exhausting...every year...

[Guest Justme2]

PARTY !

[Sugarbell]

For thru it. My son and his friends had a blast.

 

Did the walk that morning...people from where we live now followed us up too. Big turnout..our team got a top fundraiser plaque..Socialized with DHs old friends..kids actually had fun.

 

Then partied for the next 24 hours. Jut got back from dropping off the last kid.

 

And I am crashing on the couch. Cried the night BEFORE the day (I do every year).. but day of..Fine, happy and everyone had a good time.

[alemja]

I take my hat off to you Sugarbell !!!