Recurring Dream

[SemperFidelis]

I had recurring dreams in childhood, and then not again until this past year. (husband died July 2015)

 

It's a different dream each time but the content is essentially the same. LH is returned from the dead, and I *should be* so happy but I am not. Instead I am panicked because I am dating someone now and what in the world am I supposed to do now? Who is supposed to have my loyalty? To whom Am I relationally obligated? Am I supposed to break up with NG because my first/original obligation is to LH?  (If so then I am sad to break up with NG.) Or am I supposed to try to explain to LH that I have a wonderful boyfriend now and cannot resume our relationship even though he's not dead anymore? (if so then I am sad to essentially break up with LH). It is a dream with much internal conflict. Whenever I wake I have relief "thank god he is still dead" which sounds terrible but whatever....it resolves the feeling of conflict lol.

 

Anyone else have some variant of this dream?

 

I know it is related to my waking state....I do struggle with not knowing how to exactly honor my husband as I eagerly move forward with NG. I feel loyalty to each of them but in different ways that are hard to merge.

[imissdow]

I had a similar dream when I first started dating. Didn't know what to think. Seemed to me my brain was trying to make sense out of my situation. Still loving my LH and being single. At some point it went away. I watched the princess bride last night. It's one of my favorite movies. Last night I saw it different. Buttercup is talking to Wesley. He has returned after 5 years of being assumed dead. It just kind of put into words the confusion I seemed to face at that point. My new favorite line. "Death doesn't kill true love, it just delays it for awhile" 

[twin_mom]

I just read the what to do with my rings thread before reading this, which is probably skewing my answer... I haven't had that dream, but I have struggled with how to honor LH when I'm moving forward with NG. For me, I've gone back to wearing my wedding band on my right hand. I had stopped wearing my rings, but about the same time that NG and I got serious, I put my band on my right hand. It reminds me that I'm not forgetting him, he's still so important to my life, but I'm not the one that's dead. NG is fine with me wearing my band, but did express that he is a little uncomfortable with the idea of me wearing my diamond but if that's what I needed he'd work to deal with it.

[Mizpah]

Since getting pregnant and having a daughter post-death with widower boyfriend, I've had a recurring dream that DH comes back, and believes my daughter is ours.  My boyfriend is always not home when DH comes.  DH picks up my daughter and sits holding her.  Boyfriend comes back, and is relieved that DH is there - now he can get away and get rid of me!  My feelings are always extremely mixed.  Sometimes I'm overjoyed to be with DH.  Other times I'm heartbroken that boyfriend is so happy to be relieved of what I now (in the dream) now is what he feels is just his duty to be with me.  Mine is clearly about the complexities of two widows having a child/new family/new relationships. 

[swilson]

I'm not seeing anyone but have dreams that she has come back. I'm not exactly upset about these dreams but not overjoyed either. Felt a little guilty about it because I'm my own boss now, which sounds really selfish. Life isn't all rainbows and unicorns but compared to some, it's not all bad being alone and in the dreams there's a feeling of having to readjust things to accommodate her.  :-\