Flirting Guilt!

[mbanyard]

Hello All,

 

I went to see a friend play for the release of his 9th CD on Friday night.

 

After his first set I went to speak to him and congratulate him....we have been friends for a couple of years now and he had done a great job so I wanted to tell him so. (I should add that I took my DH best friend with me, as he also enjoys blues).

 

We went to speak to my friend, and he told me that I "looked amazing" (which was nice to hear, but also VERY weird). I told him thank you and that I  "cleaned up well" (note: not wearing anything fancy at all...jeans a button up....we went to a bar after all).

 

The response was "Yeah, you SURE DO".

 

Now....I was flattered, as hearing somebody tell you that you look pretty is good for your self esteem.

 

Having my VERY attractive friend tell me, however, felt both weird and VERY wrong. My husband has only been gone for 3 months, WTH business do I have looking good enough to be complimented by anybody, let alone somebody who is attractive. (I should say that my husband really liked this friend of mine and would often joke that he and I had more in common than he and I did)

 

Somebody please tell me I'm crazy for feeling guilty about this, so I can fathom it out  for myself.

 

Thanks

MB

 

 

 

 

[JustLola]

You're crazy for feeling guilty about this. 

 

Don't judge yourself too harshly. Just take your time.

[Julester3]

When I experienced a bit of low self esteem in college, a good friend once told me, dress a little better, put a little effort in a touch of makeup and it'll improve how you may be feeling at the time. It does work to a point and nothing feels better than a compliment. Just accept it as a compliment. 😊

[Mizpah]

I hope you're not still feeling guilty. I always say and believe that nothing we do post-death can change anything about what we shared with our lost loves. It doesn't reflect on the love. It doesn't take away from it. As much as we sometimes wish we weren't in the beginning, you are alive in a world without him. Grief puts many things on pause, but tiny glimmers come through, and part of that is human connection. There's nothing wrong with flirtation. My therapist told me: "Allow yourself good feelings." It was hard for me in the beginning. But wise.

[mbanyard]

That's just it....I do feel guilty, yet I personally did nothing at all in this situation.  I was not flirting.....I was merely a witness to it, if that makes sense.

 

Perhaps the guilt comes from the fact that I could, technically, have reacted to this as I am now all alone. Who truly knows though.

 

Just another one of those "things" that will come up on this awful roller coaster.

 

Thanks for your feedback folks.

MB

 

[Maverick86]

I think the hardest part for me is that I was so used to not even acknowledging other guys because I was so happy in my relationship and I was so happy that I had found someone I truly loved and just the thought of having him at home made me feel like the luckiest girl in the world. Now it's just kind of a stab in the heart because at first I think "I have a boyfriend and he is the one" but then it turns into the sad realization that I don't. He's gone. It sucks.

[mbanyard]

Yes it does.  I was always the same way. I find that our mutual friends, even my DH besties, have been telling me that I need to consider the possibility going forward, as he would not want me to be alone for the rest of my life.

 

It's a hard pill to swallow though...I thought he and I would be together for the rest of my life.