I love this girl

[RobFTC]

It's late, I've had two drinks (! for me), but ...

 

(Think of this as performance art) (I love me some e.e.cummings)

 

Tonight.  My oldest told me that she has self-diagnosed as depressed.  Not a little, but severe.  Can't quite function.  Says she is unhappy, impulsive, exhausted.  Depression, anxiety!  And has been for over a year.  I knew.  I'd talked about counseling, but she's not been there.  If only!  Monday, I should know when she can talk to someone, and maybe get some meds.  Someone who's not her Dad, who she could only IM about this.

 

I love this girl so much.  I remember holding her for the first time, and for that to be the thing that made me shed my "Will I be a good Dad?" anxiety and go, "Oh - I get it - it's someone I know I already love.  Hi!"

 

She is like her Mom in so many ways.  Whip-smart, edgy, a FORCE.  SO all about equality!  Though so hard-edged right now.  And so unlike her Mom in so many other ways.  I met her Mom at 35, when she'd had relationships.  When her dream guy in Utah choked her and made her scared.  When she'd learned good social skills to make the church ladies think she was So Cool.  When she had grown a gentle side.  (Though not gentle enough yet to nor diss Connie Kaldor.)  Why she picked me, who knows.  Other than that I was smart enough and a better catch than Chuck from Fort Worth, who was too obsequious to love but who I looked a lot like.  Note to self: ask Cheryl more questions about that.

 

Miss R, I say I love you every morning as you head to the bus, and I wish I'd hear a response some day, but I'll keep showing up.  And I will keep holding you accountable for your bad choices.  And I will Not Yell.  And I will walk this walk with you to the degree you let me.  I want to see the amazing woman you WILL become.  I want to tell you how your best parts remind me of your Mom.  And how amazing that will always be.

 

Having written my weirdest post ever, I'm off to bed.  Thanks for any warm thoughts for my girl.

 

Take care,

Rob T

[Wheelerswife]

Rob, my friend,

 

Hugs to you and R and S as well.  I ache reading your post.  I know how much you love your girls and having met them a few times, I've seen a wee bit of their spunk, especially Miss R.

 

I am glad she trusted you enough to open up to you.  I know she has challenged you in trying to figure out just who she is.  I also know that you are completely unselfish in that you have put your girls first in your life and you have worked hard to parent them without your beloved Michelle to walk this walk with you.

 

I hope that R will choose to open up to some type of counselor so that she can address her depression and the confusion of this life she is growing into.

 

Hugs and more hugs,

 

Maureen

[sojourner]

My heart goes out to both of you, Rob. I've walked in similar shoes with some of my children (with some ADD & related stuff thrown in). I've known the heartache and struggle- both mine and my children's- while trying to find that sometimes elusive combination of treatment options that can help to smooth out their path.  It can take multiple tries. A combination of counseling and medication finally has become pretty effective with my kids. Even so, sometimes things change and the plan gets tweaked.

 

Hopes and prayers for a successful treatment plan to be worked out as quickly as possible. It's already a huge step forward that now she's open to looking for answers.

[Ursula]

Dear Rob, so sorry to hear your daughter is struggling. I wish she can find a path and a straw to hold on, then a branch and so on. What you write about her is the nicest thing I have read in a while, such a declaration of love from your father is a blessing.

all the best to you and your girl

[Trying]

Rob my heart is with you and your daughter.  It is so difficult to see them struggle and to know that our love and faith in them is not enough to make it all better but I try to hold the belief that it helps.  Even if she can't fully recognize it right now, she knows you are there for her and that you believe in her.

[Guest TooSoon]

I love your "weird" post, Rob.  It is not weird at all but so full of love and heart.  You are tops as far as Dads go.  xoxo

[Adley]

En vino, Rob. Your heart shines in your writing. Your love will guide your family....my girls are 6 and 8 so ten years from now I will be looking back to your posts for encouragement. . . . . .thanks for all your sharing.

[trying2breathe]

Warm thoughts to you and your R.  I can relate as I deal with anxiety and depression issues with one of my children, and after trial of different medications and therapies he is in a very good place.  As sojourner describes, it's a dynamic process that is ever changing. 

 

 

Your R certainly knows that you are there for you, I imagine that one day very soon she will respond in kind to your morning "I love you".  The compassion and love that you have for your girls is an inspiration. 

 

 

Big big hugs ~

[RobFTC]

I have an appointment for her - March 8!  That's with the wife of the fellow I see, though - I talked to him, and he has some, um, influence :-)  So we should be able to do better than that.

 

Still so glad this is out in the open.

 

Take care,

Rob T